Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Misphah and Shen. He named it Ebenezar, saying , "Thus far the Lord has helped us." 1 Samuel 7:12

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

I Promise I Won't Punch Anyone

So I've been gone a few days.
Not sure where or what I've been doing but the above picture is a pretty accurate description of 4 out of the 7 days of the week for me, except I'm driving.
Seems like this week should be over all ready. Not because it's been bad just because it's been long.
Our first year of public school comes to a close on Friday.
Out first year of home schooling one child since 1999 doesn't come to an end because of forces we're still not sure of.

I'd like to share a few thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head about my life.
First: Education decisions for Vaughan are driving me crazy. For whatever reason I feel like a bad parent because it looks like he'll go full-time again at the high school.
How have I let this inadequacy creep in?

I fight it.

So that's a monster I'm fighting right now. I ask myself, is there anything wrong with graduating from high school with just a high school diploma? I mean we did it, right. There is a train of thought in my circles that no that is not good, that our students should be pushed to get college credit, if not an AA, under their belt before leaving high school. Some times I just want to punch those people in the face.
Other times I realize that wouldn't be very nice.
But if you've ever punched someone there is such gratification in that, self control Michelle, self control.

Second: There's the work and work.
Don't get me wrong I like my job and if I could pick any job it would be the one I have. It's just, well quite frankly after staying at home with my kids for 14 years going to work has been tough to get adjusted to.
My home was my job for 14 years and I loved it!
I spent my days educating my children, cooking, cleaning, visiting parks and the beach, grocery shopping and organizing.
Now that I work p/t out of the house I struggle with not doing my housework when I get home.
A typical day goes like this:
wake up and get people fed, then homeschool, check on my blogs, start some laundry, do dishes, shower and finish homeschool (if we even started) and then lunch and off to work.
At work I work and try to not talk to Jamie too much or hold baby Julia too long.
I then leave work, pick up child, taxi child somewhere, home to make dinner, vacuum floors and then some days back to work.
While I'm at work any cleaning I had down goes quickly down the drain and dirt begins to multiply.

ADHD people, like myself, have a hard time sitting still but lately it's been more like I'm not sitting still because life is going on and things need to get done.
So I ask myself: Am I teaching my children to be a slave to the man? Am I a slave to the man? Oh heck just asking that makes me want to sell everything and live somewhere with tents and gardens or better yet a camper, my family and lots of miles.
Hmm. I don't know.
I don't even know if this blog post is even making any sense.
I don't really care if it does!
So I've rambled.
I'm surviving and now it's off to push some laundry through and get on with the day.
Peace out

one more thing, perhaps the most important, what I to combat all this is from the study of the book of Esther I'm doing: I've taken one of our scenarios of "it's tough being a woman" written it on an index card and on the back side I've written scripture to help with that.
Here's my card:
The Truth to bring me peace, joy and sanity.


Amanda said...

How many words will a comment allow? M- First love you. Second I just ha this conversion with a very wise women about school and college. Why is that we plae a higher vaule on a college degree. Whys is that we give "worth" to a bachlors, Master degree. Don't get m worng I too was under that. I too encourge, save and want my children to go as far as they can. Yet what about the most important person. GOD. What gifts and what plandoes He have in store, good plan plans to do good, a finished work. Don't get me going on government and college and what they may or may not be feeding into our children His children that is not the truth. Take from a women who knows only God, and not even that as well as I like. 60,000 in student loans latter and ya know what God's plan didnt require me to walk the path. But I thought thats what a good kid does, that what a good person does, money, traveling lots of tings would be bring me happiness. And ya know nothing wrong with those things as long as the Lord has your way and your heart in it. As long as your seaking Him completly and giving it all to Him. Also since I'm not being breif here. Sometimes many times actually my plan has not been Gods plan and ya know wha when I stopped fighting it and I really gave it and folow it out with God to His will, man He gave me, He brought me throug so much better and bigger and more rewarding that I have ever dreamed! I won't say following Him is easy, always I won't say that I don't still yearn and hope that ne day He will provide me a way to be that Internationly Attroney, yet in the meantime...I really am happy and feeling like that WOW, God really does have me, He really will provide , wow He really has given me my dream in my heart. I just didnt know that was my dream untill I found my self lving it out. I love you and I hope my heart can be felt in my lack of writing skills, even though I have a higher a degree I guess i skipped the class on writing. Love, ya Amanda

Superhero Mom said...

I think you said to Katie earlier today...On your knees woman! LOL! No seriously, I just ate a chocolate "hug" for you just now...really...just one! I think it is time for retreat...just a small and whole day or over night...not sure! Just you, me and our Bibles (ok and some other books too) :)! REFOCUS time Michelle! I love you! & I've approached the throne on your behalf a few times this week!

Amanda said...

Me 2


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