Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Misphah and Shen. He named it Ebenezar, saying , "Thus far the Lord has helped us." 1 Samuel 7:12

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Fight the Good Fight Michelle

I haven't updated in awhile mostly because I am not sure what to say in my update.

I don't really know what I am doing, so how can I properly share it with you all.
I am cancer free.
I mean no doctor has said it, but I had that pesky tumor removed on April 27th and since then the cancer has been gone.

It's the aftermath that I did not expect.
The aftermath of living with choices, new lifestyles, a changed social life.

My main goal has been to make my body an environment that is not encouraging cancer growth.
Eat lots of raw.
Juice lots.
Budwig protocol,
essiac tea.

Keep my body alkaline and not acidic.
Only drink water.
Not drink coffee.

It can be a lot.

No dairy.
No meat.
Watch the soy, not much if any.
No legumes.
No sugar.

I find I just don't want to eat.
The prepping.
The prepping.
The prepping.

The food battle was one I didn't see coming and probably my biggest struggle.

It is a lot.
My peace begins to slip away...

it slips into the past

I didn't expect this battle in my mind over the past.
I ate too many sweets,
baked too much,
ate out too much,
too much ice cream
and milk
and cereal.
Oh how I loved to drink cows milk, and ceral, I loved cereal. Not anymore.

Then my mind loops to my boys.
I realize I fed all that to my boys.
My grown boys.
For years I did my best at what I knew to feed them.
Was I wrong all those years?

Then I got educated.
What if my lack of knowledge caused health issues with my kids.
Did I fail them?

I did my best.
I didn't know what I know now.
I can't think on the past, it changes nothing; it does no good.

Oh crap!
I just ate a cake pop,
and a piece of pecan pie,
and turkey,
and ... and...

And then after I work through the what I fed my boys saga, I get angry that no one was there to guide me.
Invest in me.
In a sense I was thrown to the wolves.
18, then 21.
Married with two kids. College drop out trying to doing the best for my family.
I always thought I did good, some days I wondered, no some days I convince myself I did them wrong.

Oh this battle in my head.
I call it out for what it is- all lies.
Lies to bring me down. Sadden my spirit. Focus my thoughts on the past.
But, lies.
Lies I know, but that doesn't soften their blow, when the hits come my way.

Then I think about the future... the forever.
Forever I will be a cancer survivor.
Forever I will think about what I put into my mouth, or don't.

So nothing profound.
Nothing to educate you on healthy living.

Nothing because I have nothing much to give these days.
Again, I lift my head and trust in my God who created me and has a plan for me,
a good plan.
May that knowledge,
that truth be enough to sustain me this moment.


Saturday, July 30, 2016

Manna 4 Lempira

Road to Mercedes, Lempira, Honduras

In June 2014 I visited a feeding center in Mercedes, Lempira, Honduras. I would forever be changed by the faces, smiles, laughs and reality I encountered that afternoon.

As we drove on the winding frontier roads local women carrying rice in their Dutch ovens got a covering of dust as we passed.

Make shift kitchen

After a time of games and fun those women set up kitchen on the stairway platform, serving 100 or so children a nutrient packed bowl of  rice from those Dutch ovens.

They ate it up and it did smell yummy.
The children used their fingers to scoop the rather yummy smelling meal into their mouths. Some images are best taken in your mind, I happen to also capture this one on my iPhone.

I now sponsor a girl from that town and church. For $15/month she is being fed that same meal at that same location where I sat 2 short years ago. I may have already met her.

I hope to officially meet her in January.
I could learn Spanish.
Outside the feeding center/church

To learn more about Manna for Lempira and to sponsor a child click here.

Want to help a Honduran child get school supplies?

Stayed tuned... or 
contact me asking about the Back Pack Campaign: helping send Honuran children to school.

Back Pack Campaign coming soon.

Monday, May 23, 2016

We Took a Chance on Our Date Night

I love to share ideas and be inspired by other people's ideas.
So when my friends Heather and Carlos rolled the dice on their family adventure one day I knew it was a keeper of an idea and some version of it would be happening for us.

So here it is, my first video splicing and yes the sound needs help but I am happy with it.
Enjoy our "Take a Chance Date Night" and may you be inspired to take a chance on your next family or date night.

Link here to see the video by WittaKrew that inspired me.

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Our Heart 4 Honduras

I am not a fearful person,
yet I am easily frozen by fear.

A few years back I had a dream and some ideas that I shared with someone close to me and was met with a negative, "you can't do that"  response and it really froze me.

Around the same time I was told by a family memeber that my blog was too "high and mighty sounding" and that I was making myself out to be a "goody two shoes Christian who was better than everyone else", none of which was my heart intent.

I began to shrink back in many ways and fall prey to the enemy who desires to shut me up and keep me secluded and locked away.

Since being diagnosed and healed from breast cancer things have changed.
Not only in my physical body but in my mental and spiritaul state.

I have already started by writing more personally on my blog again, putting feet to my ideas and dreams and now I want to share with you all my family's love for the people of Honduras and why Steve and I have become Ambassadors to Honduras through an organization called The Foundation for Missions.

Our desire as Ambassadors is to bring awareness to the needs in Honduras.

There are 4 needs that stand out to us:1. a need for chldren to have nutrious meals2. quality medical & dental attention3. spiritual needs4. financial help.

Honduras is a very corrupt country and when we partner with The Foundation and the Sowers family we can help bypass the corruption and get needs actually met and help where it's needed.

We believe that we can share the needs in Honduras
- though face to face talking,
- pointing people to the blogs and social media pages of the Sowers Family
- by taking people down to Honduras where they can see first hand the people and the needs there

Here is a brief summary of our personal experiences in Honduras:

In June 2014, Steve and I traveled to the frontier of Lempira, Honduras on a medical and construction mission trip; this was the trip that bound our hearts together as a couple to the Honduran people and the Sowers family ministry.
Rice feeding "station" at Mercedes feeding center church
On this trip we participated in a feeding program where children were fed, enjoyed and were thankful for a bowl of nutritious rice.

We visited Catholic run orphange for girls and another for babies and toddlers.

Steve helped construction on a remote clinic

I helped entertain children while they and their parents waited to receive medical help

I also helped in the pharmacy where patients received everything from vitamins to ibuprofen.

MK kids getting to be kids
We returned in August of 2015 Steve, Aubry and I, along with three other people from our home church, this time to help the Sowers family run a camp for the children of missionary kids whose parents are serving in Honduras. What a wonderful ministry and unity of the body of Chirst this was as the Sowers family does not discrimintaed between who can come to camp, if you'e a missionary family your children may come.

3 stages of the bridge, bridge, partial, completed

Then in January of this year Steve again traveled down with  a team of men to help build a bridge in a week. A bridge that cut the travel time from one small village to another larger one with medical facilities by and hour and a half. This my friend is life changing.

So why am I sharing this?
Well, because I want to bring awareness to you.

Since our first trip to Honduras two short years ago several exciting things have happened...
- Kimberly Hall has started a child sponsorship program called Manna4Lempira that you can read about here or visit thier FaceBook page here.
- Churches here in Florida are desiring to not only sponsor children but for whole churches here to sponsor children from the same church in Honduras- connecting not only individuals but connecting whole groups of people. How exciting!

I want to challenge you to give by sponsoring a child,
going on a trip
helping to buy a motorcycle or horse or just simply by giving.
Contact me with any questions, upcoming trip info or with any questions oyu may have. mspanos74(at)gmail(dot)com

A current need is to fund Missionary Kid Camp this summer. You can view more on the FaceBook page and blog.

Here's a good video made for a specific church but does a great job with an overview of the Sowers4Pastors Ministry we love and personally support.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Thursday, May 05, 2016

Journal Entry: May 2

5 days after surgery

So I must lay down my worry. 
Lord I know worrying doesn't add one day or change one thing. Forgive me for quickly going to it. 
I can worry while researching and playing out scenarios in my head before they are a reality. 
I trust You with my tomorrow
I trust You with my today. 
I trust You will lead and guide me, that You will send wise words my way, wisdom from those who I am to hear from. 
Lord help me, please give me wisdom. Your word says you give wisdom to all who ask. 
I desire wisdom in parenting
in being a friend
in making cancer treatment decisions. 
Lord is diet the right way to go about this? I believe it is. Can you reaffirm this? I know you can, but will you? 
I worry I am not juicing enough,
Prepping enough
Eating enough
When I worry about the enoughs
I am not allowing
To be
You are enough. 
You are enough. 
You are enough. 

Tuesday, May 03, 2016

Day of Surgery Post

journal date: April 30, 2016

Wow. April is over.
I can't believe that just 2 short months ago I was given the cancer diagnosis
and now...
it's gone.

2 months is not a long time, yet, it seems like I have wrestled with cancer and all that comes with it for a lifetime.

I've looked death in the face and realized it does not scare me.
We've asked ourselves some tough questions and come to some even tougher answers.
We've seen and outpouring of love and friendship like never before.
Older women have become mentors
and I've realized how little I know,
how much I've learned
and how big and loving my God is.

I've faced a lack of self-control and fear head on -
I've been brave in ways I didn't know I needed to be brave in.

I've learned that truly no matter what we go through there is no need for resentment,
anger or fear.
Those things will rob us of peace,
and of joy, they will steal precious moments and lie to us.

I've learned memorizing Scripture is more valuable than anything money can buy and nurses can say.


So on a personal level here is how the day of my surgery went.

We arrived at hospital and I was taken back to prep area #7
There a lady from NH, who's uncle lives on S. Main Street in my hometown took my vitals and we shared Steven Tyler stories.

The nurse then came in and handed me a cocktail of pills in a small cup and went over some paperwork and had me sign some more consent papers.

I then changed into my hospital gown, was asked what the doctor would be doing today and my right side shoulder was marked; then I was given the biggest, most painful IV I have ever received.
"I am feeling lightheaded" I told her as she worked at getting this monstrosity into my hand.
I closed my eyes and recited Psalm 103 in my head;
especially the verse that says "as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him"
I was lightheaded and in pain but I was so settled knowing my God, the Creator of the Universe has compassion on me, just as I had compassion on Justin the night before as Steve and I helped him work through a tough life situation he was facing.
Wow God I thought, how much you love me!!

Apparently the nurse finally looked up at me and said "wow, I'm going to tilt your head back, you're as white as typing paper"--
once the IV was in she gave me some fluids to hydrate me as she asked:
"Do you eat all organic?" Yes
"Do you drink lots of water?" Yes
"Do you take any medications?" No
"That's what I figured" she said "Your poor little body doesn't like all we've just given it, plus you're probably getting dehydrated"

Once I was back to flesh color she called in Steve and 3 of my friends who had come to pray over me.
Eventually I ended up with 2 warm blankets, those heated blankets really are the bomb and I was feeling like myself again.

At last I was being wheeled upstairs to pre-op, a sassy transporter pushing me with Steve at my side. We posed for some SnapChat pics and then I experienced my first pre-op.

Every person who is going to be tending you comes in asks your name and birthday, explains their duties and if you have any questions. The anesthesiologist and then his nurse, the surgical nurse and then my doctor.

My doctor.
I think, no, I know you must have a doctor you believe in and who believes in you. I had been praying for her and she that morning for me. She marked my surgery side again and then she was gone.

I said goodbye to Steve as we parted ways in the hallway and I was wheeled through the surgery doors and into a room,
cold and metal,
shiny and sterile,
just like tv.

I was moved to a skinny morgue like table and covered again with another warm blanket. Two surgical techs were busy prepping as my arm lay out on a small thin table extending out to my side.
I was given a mask to breathe some sleepy medicine through.
"You're arm may feel a little warmth" the nurse anesthetist said as I felt the worse pain inside my body than any other pain I had experienced.
"Warm." I said "this is the worst pain ever"
"You'll be falling asleep soon" they said
Deep breathe
Deep breathe
Deep breathe

Then I woke up.
On a real size bed.
In a different room.

I slowly began to awake and talk.
Those poor doctors and nurses, to have me ramble.

After a short period of time I was wheeled back downstairs, everyone impressed with my quick alertness.

Never underestimate a redhead, a Yankee, a mom, me.

Steve and my mom joined me back in my original #7 room.
My IV was removed, I put on pants was given water!!
Yeah water!!
Could someone have at least done something with my hair!!

Then I was wheeled out to the car and after dropping my prescription I was safe and sound in my own bed.

Justin arrived moments later with Chick-Fil-A.
Grilled nuggets
Waffle fries
Diet lemonade
--nothing on my approved diet list, but everything on my empty stomach, haven't had Chick-Fil-A in months list--

I felt great!
A little woozy,
but great.
A few hours later Steve brought Illana over and we read books and talked in my bed.
Joliene and Aubry showed up, the girls played and I visited with Jo.
They left and Vaughan, Sarah and the boys came over
My heart was full.
Over joyed.

Then I hit the sack
And it was over.
I went to bed cancer free.

I know they say technically you need to be 5 years without cancer to be considered cancer free
but somehow
I feel like with the tumor gone and clear lymph nodes
I am cancer free.

I am cancer free.

So that is the day of my lumpectomy,
a day I want to remember the details of.
Remember because God is in the details,
of the nurse from NH,
the sassiness of the transporter,
teh specific people who showed up,
and didn't,
the belief of the doctor
and the peace in the storm that very easily could have swept me under.

No matter what you're facing,
no matter the size of the wave,
big or small,
know that God loves you and cares.
He is in the details, even when we think he just can't be in the details.
He is.

In those details He is doing something new.
In you, around you and through you.
Hold tight friend.

I'm not sure about tomorrow but I know this:
Thus Far the Lord has helped us.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Results of MRI and More

A drawbridge, it can make you anxious or relax you, you chose. #NSBnorthcasueway

*because I love my readers... recipe link at bottom*

So the MRI results are in and while I was believing for a
"wow, you have no tumor!" response
that's not what I got.
Instead it was good news, there is only the one tumor,
in the one breast, nothing more visable.

I never know what terminology to use at the doctors,
I call it a breast, beacuse that's what they call it,
but really to me, it's my boob...

So I have scheduled a lumpectomy for the 27th of this month;
however I am still praying and asking God to
disolve this tumor to nothing or below .5cm.

It was the prophet Isaiah who said,
"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed."

I am being healed from so much more than this cancer.
I am finding healing in inner emotions of resentment, bitterness, judgement and more.

I believe that I am already healed.

I think the big question people have for me now is "What are you doing for treatment?"

I have been a little more quiet about this as it is not traditional.
I am, as of now, not jumping into radiation then chemo.

Cancer is individual.

When a person gets diagnosed there is no way for anyone else to know exactly how they are feeling and what is best for them.
It's truly individual.

I've only had 2 "negative" expereinces so far;
the first was when it was said to me that people would "judge me" for having cancer.
Until that was said I would have never imagined that others would judge me, or anyone, for having cancer; 

Why would someone do that? 
I guess one reason is we want to know what that person did wrong to get cancer so we can do the right thing and not get it.

Even with all my new found education on cancer I can not take God's hand out of it.
Sometimes things happen.
Sometimes healthy people get cancer, or a cold. 
Good things happen to bad people 
and bad things happen to good people.
Sometimes a child falls out of a tree, lands on their arm and breaks it;
other time a child falls out of tree, lands on their arm and walk away a little bruised.

Not saying actions don't have consequences, but I am saying that God wrote my days long before my blip on the screen of planet earth came about.
For whatever reason He wrote cancer on these few pages of my book of life.
The book of Psalms says "all my days ordained for me were written in your book, before one of them came to be."

I have peace in that truth.

My life has come to this -- photos to gain info for my oragnic food spreadsheet -- I wanna get the best deal people!

The second negative expereince was when someone critized me for not acting quickly and not doing what the doctors recommended.
Trust me I have done what the doctors have recommended so far
and no I have not acted as quickly as others have and that's okay.
It's individual, personal
and I had alot of educating to do.

I wasn't going to jump into something I knew little about because someome said I should.
That's not me. I tend to jump into things quickly that people say I shouldn't do... but that's another blog post. {wink}

So, with the knowledge that I have right now I am praying and taking steps forward toward a holistic, natural treatment plan.

I have radically changed my eating habits,
I have been educating myself on my specific cancer type, my personal lifestyle and the inner workings of how this tumor was formed and have been researching along with an amazing woman named Crystal; my holistic doctor, what natural and herbal options are out there.

My brain hurts.
For now that is where I am at.

This journey is already amazing and while I am not quite sure I am thankful for it,

deep down perhaps
I am thankful for the opportunity to press in closer in my faith.To grow spiritually.
To love deeper,
live more
and practice being at peace having joy each step of the way... notice I said practice...

For those that know me and my heart about this, you get it, or at least get me.
For those that don't really know me or can't really understand why, be assured I am not walking into this blindly.
I have done tons of research,
met and spoken with lots of people who have chosen this path before me
for now, 
this is what I believe God would have me do.

Resting in the peace that was brought on me, on us, because of the punishment Christ received, that punishment that lead to my healing.

The holistic approach... I am sure I'll share more,
until then 
may you rest in the peace given to you,
on this exact day of your life.

XOXO friends,

Cauliflower Fried Rice

I have become addicted to caluiflower rice,
I have used this recipe and it's wonderfully yummy,
I leave out the braggs or any soy sauce and it's still delicious!!

Let me know if you make cauliflower rice and anything yummy you make with it

Friday, April 08, 2016

MRI Thoughts...

Wednesday I had my MRI,which I am believing will show no sign of tumor or cancer. 

If you've never had an MRI before let me tell you a few things and some tips about an MRI.

 #1: you get to go into one of those tubes 

...for those of you who are claustrophobic, as I once was, your best bet is to close your eyes and recite scripture over and over again, thinking on the truths of the words and relaxing in the peace of them.
I chose Psalm 103 a chapter I memorized in 2007 and the first 6 or so verses came back quickly and they really entertained my thoughts for the 30 minutes I was in the tube.

 #2: you get an IV 

 Yuk, I could have done without a needle in my arm, but it is what it is and again if you have issues just don't look.
Mind over matter.

#3: close you eyes. 

why would you not?
as soon as you lay down, close them and relax.

and lastly...

 #4: do not pay close attention to the actual room or the machine on the way in, 

...that way while you are in the tube you may imagine the scene outside you like some sort of movie or book.
You pick.
I chose a comic book,
you know like Captain America.

I envisioned all these sceintists around me, some with lab coats and clip boards, others in suits and a few miliary guys and girls as well. While most stood close by, I knew someone was watching from behind tinted windows.
I imagined somewhere in the room there was a machine made by Stark Eterprises and some glasses wearing, newsy-type, internet hacking, blogger kid was filming on his handheld recorder.
Then when you are all done with the MRI you can look around and see the reality of the room and be surprised, or diappointed; it's probably very hospital looking and instead of lots of cool tinted windows it will be one window with a cheap, plastic mini blind. Sure the guy sounded cool on the loud speaker but the reality is he is some 20 year old in scrubs wondering when lunch break is.

But imagine whatever you want, it helps pass the time,
and keeps your imagination alive!!

 Now a little more on why I believe in no tumor.
The more I read and think and mediate on the Lord of God, the more I see how miraculous He is.
The more I see that as a child of God I have access to the heavenly realms.

Elijah prayed for no rain and it didn't rain for 3 years!
Elisha prayed for the enemies to be blinded and they were.
Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead.
Jesus healed the blind with a touch, a word, dirt.
Jesus healed face to face, he healed at a distance.
Jesus healed a women when she touched his cloak and Elisha was so full of the Spirit of God that even his dead bones brought a man back to life.

See, here's the deal people. I don't know what you believe, but I believe in the God of the Bible. 

Creator God who made me and loves me and wants good for me.
The Word of God says He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow so why would this God of helaing and miracles NOT heal and perform miracles right here, right now.

 Healing has already happened in my life and healing is coming.
Miracles have happened in my life already and miracles are coming.

So believe with me.
Whatever you are facing,
whatever it would be;
an unsettled marriage,
a tough child,
health issues,
uncertain work enviroment,
or perhaps your role here onthis planet earth.
Believe with me.
Have the faith of a mustard seed that this mountain is moved, in Jesus name!!

 And yes, I know that God doesn't always work in the ways we desire and have faith in and I am ready to accept whatever He has for me,
for now I am believeing as my 4-year-old prays, "for the cancer to be gone before the bump comes out"

 I'll be back next week with update from surgeon...

Friday, April 01, 2016

Update After Seeing All Doctors

So my week of meeting with doctors has come to a close.

Here is the basic run down of my cancer.
I have stage 2, invasive ductal carcinoma.
It is estrogen and progesterone positive and Her2 negative; which they say are good.

Right now I have 3 main doctors I am dealing with.
My surgeon,
my holistic doctor and
my oncologist.

Lots of time with this guy in a waiting room, or me in a hospital gown

I like all of them, probably the most nerve racking part of this whole journey so far was chocing them.

We have been successful in making them all laugh within 3 minutes of meeting us.
If you've ever spent any time with Steve you understand this.

Due to the stage 2 and size of my tumor all three doctors agree surgery is headed my way.

Next up: I will have an MRI on Wednesday and then from there we will see if I have the one tumor or if more tumors are hiding out in there, I' thinking not, I mean small boobs don't allow for much hiding space... but ya never know.
After all their poking and proding they don't seem to think I have any more and my lymph nodes do not feel swollen, so from an outside perspective it's looking good, however an MRI is smart.

And I like to do smart things, kind of. Watching tv is not smart and I like that, but I regress.

After the MRI we will see the results and if I only have the one tumor then I can chose a lumpectomy or a mascetomy; as of now I will chose the lumpectomy. If more than one tumor then the oncologist would recommend a mascetomy... I will most likely go with that recommendation.

Today I start on some Traditional Chinese Medicines and I had already started on a vegan diet within days of hearing my cancer diagnosis. This website Chris Beat Cancer has been a wealth of knowledge for me. The holistic doctor has helped me tweak my vegan diet to include fresh, local or flash-frozen fish and eggs!
I can have eggs, and fish.
No soy, pretty much no grains and for now a stricter fruit and veggie intake, limiting sugars that I may in a few years be able to introduce back into my diet.
Fresh squeezed Florida OJ is a no, no -- so please drink some for me.
But as a friend told me, focus on what I CAN HAVE!!

My oncologist just smiled at me as I shared a little of this holistic info and he said, "one step at a time." I shared how I am above all praying and having faith that God is going to shrink my tumor to under .5cm (the size he would not recommend chemo) and he thinks I am right on to believe God for big things, then he wanted to bet me on it.
I don't bet.

All three of my doctors have said "good idea" to the Juice Plus capsules I have been taking since November.
That made me smile.
They all agree that Juice Plus really gives my cells the flooding of fresh fruits and veggies without having to eat or juice mass amounts, and they have no sugar.

Juicing. I have been juicing about every other day and trying to get 2-3 glasses in a day, juicing is expensive and takes work but I am happy with my commitment in this area, so far.

God is really giving me strength and peace in alot of areas.

I have been making a yummy "energy ball" recipe and got the okay from the dietitian to continue making it with 1 substitution, see recipe below.

Speaking of recipes, I have some super yummy recipes I'd like to share with you all, however most of them can be found on my Pinterest Page "Winning" so for now check that out.

Winning is also the name of my cancer binder.
Apparently when you get cancer you get a binder and a notebook.
Since I already had a love for both items it was easy for me to assimilate into this part of the journey.

So that's the latest.
Stage 2
Invasive Ductal Carcinoma
Faith that this tumor with shrink,
faith that lumpectomy with produce clear margins,
faith that all cancer will be gone from my body.

My faith in in Christ.

Meditating on the words pf the Psalmist:
How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
    They cannot be numbered!
18 I can’t even count them;
    they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
    you are still with me! 

Energy Balls

~ 1/2 c. flax seed (you can also use flax seed meal)
~ 3/4 c. peanut butter (or any nut butter) I use almond butter but may switch to Tahini butter for no sugar
~ 1 c. oatmeal
~ 1/2 c. unsweet coconut, shredded works best
~ 1/3 c. or less raw honey
~ 1/2 c. Chocolate chips, mini work best; I use none or Cacao Nibs
~ 1/4 c. chia seeds

mix all together and form into bite size balls, store in sealed container in fridge and enjoy!
*I use all orgainc items and find they taste yummy without the chocolate

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

I Got 2 Turntables and A Microphone

So I was going to name this post "Where It's At"
but once I typed that I thought of the 90's song by Beck,
"Where it's at,
I got two turn tables and a microphone"
and, well I just thought that was a better title... I mean who doesn't wanna think of the fun it would be to have 2 turntables and... well you get point... or maybe you don't,


A friend of mine at the church we attended for 15 years asked me for an update on my cancer journey for the prayer chain so I thought I'd also share it here.

It's been a busy week with 2 docotos appointments and soccer sign-ups for Aubry!!

Update would be that we/I are doing great. Really resting in the peace of Christ and in the faith that God has healed me, for His word says in Psalm 103:3b that He "... heals all your diseases," Also trying to saturate my head with the Word of God for "Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God"

I have met with the surgeon and a holistic doctor so far this week and will meet with the oncologist tomorrow; I have an MRI in the works of being scheuled (insurance referring and all). Once the MRI comes back we will have a better idea of what's going on.

My current treatment plan is a natural approach of diet and holistic Chinese medicines. I believe God has given us both the natural world as well as the medical world to heal this breast cancer. 

Current prayer request would be for MRI to show the cancer is still contained in the one breast and for the tumor to shrink in size and for clear margins once the lump is removed, if that be the path God sees me to take.

Praise report is that I have had the opportunity to encourage some people in my life who I didn't even realize needed to be reminded of God's goodness in hard times, His believeability-- He is believeable, period. And just overall sharing of my faith walk.

Also praise report that because of a friend, who referred me to their friend, I have been put in touch with one of the best cancer centers in the country and they are willing to look over all my medical records, for free I might add, and give me their suggested treatment plan!! I get a second opionion from some of the best doctors in the industry!

So for now that it where it's at.
I mean beside this cutie on the soccer field!!

Sunday, March 20, 2016

Life Changes in a Moment

Just 2 girls from New Hampshire walking in the woods of Oregon

I've always said "you never know what a day holds".
If you think about any traumatic or life changing event in your life if happens in a moment.

I first realized this when I was in my first car accident. It was 1990 and I was going about my day as no other and then suddenly on my way home in a split second I was thrown from a car and woke to being pinned under it.

Fast forward to the day I found out we were moving to Florida in 5 short days,
or the evening I was told I would a grandmother,
and yet again it was an ordinary day when I heard a friends toddler had passed away.

November 11, 2011 was a life changing day when I received a call asking if I would be willing to become a mother again to a little baby girl born just an hour earlier, her mother unable to care for her.

All of these events have one thing in common: I woke up and went about my day as any other. 
I showered, or didn't, got dressed, ate, spoke with my loved ones and went about my business; then suddenly, out of no where, life hit me.
Life happens.

On February 26, 2015 it was one of those days.
Kind of.
I woke up and knew I had a doctors appointment to go to; however, it was not just any doctors appointment, it was an appointment to find out the result of a recent breast biopsy I had.

That day would forever change my life.

That was the day I heard the words that still baffle me today,
that was the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Another day, like any other, until life happened.

That next day I was driving over the big bridge here in town and could see the beach and the ocean for miles and miles; God's creation as beautiful and untouched from that view. I remember it clearly as I spoke aloud to God saying, "wow God I am going to be a breast cancer survivor".

It's been quite a journey these last few weeks.
I chose to continue on a trip planned to Colorado and Oregon
and put off surgeon and oncologist appointments until after Easter.

I've gotten all kinds of advice and opinions.
I've listened to lots of peoples breast cancer stories, each of these women are incredible.

I've prayed.

I've been prayed for.

I can honestly say the initial news was shocking and stunning but not scary.
I know lots of breast cancer survivors, so fear was really never an option.
I slept soundly that night and the nights following,
in fact it wasn't until 3 nights ago that I awoke and couldn't stop thining about it.
What if I chose the wrong doctor, or take the wrong treatment path...
the what ifs will kill you... if you let them.

I walked out of that first doctors appointment with one thing on my mind.
The Lord is on the throne.

No matter the diagnosis there was one thing I knew for sure and that was that the Lord God was on the throne in the heavenlies and He knew this was part of my journey long before it came to be.
That was all I needed.
I slept peaceful, took each thought captive and really just had, and have a peace that I am healed because of the wounds and bruises of Jesus Christ. The Bible says "By His wounds we are healed."
Past tense... "ARE healed"
I believe that.
I serve a God that is believable.

After that night of thinking on the diagnosis and the mistakes I could make, God sent 4 women to my home via AirBnb and once again I was touched by these people who entered my home as strangers and left as friends.
Through wisdom and prayer they spoke life to me, the life words of Christ, Holy Spirit filled prayers and an annointing with oil.
I slept peaceful once again and will again tonight.
How can I not.
How can I read and hear the Truth of God and not be at peace.

I have lots of thoughts I've written down
and the journey has been very interesting thus far,
for now I think what I want to say on here is that whatever you are facing is not worth the time of day to fuss or worry or fume about.
Whatever it is, whether a tough marriage or a wayward child, a future unsure or a life well layed out; whatever you face it is always best to give God the Prasie and the glory for it and through it and do it with boldness.

Well I will give this post a quick prof read, so forgive any spelling or whatever errors, because it's off to bed with that littel girl who became my daughter on that ordinary day back in November 2011.

See we really never know what a day will hold;
however, we have full assurance of Who is holding each day.

Peace and love to you all,


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