August and Everything After

This month marks a crazy time for me. It was this month that satan hit me hard with a curveball a few years back. I was knocked off my feet and into a pit I thought I'd long since been out of. I'd gone into the pit many times before, decorating the walls to my liking and fooling myself to think it was home. It took days, months, years to get out of it- but God freed me from the bondage and craziness.

I learned other coping mechanisms, I learned what situations led up to my pit dwelling. Until August. I wish I could say it was the month of my sobriety, but it's not, it's a month that reminds me that satan roams through this earth looking for someone to devour (Job 1:7 and 1 Peter 5:8).

See I think of the verse in Galatians 6:1 "Brothers if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently." Yes this verse is talking about helping our brother or sister in Christ but what I found interesting is the original Greek word for "caught" is prolambano. Literally "overtaken" or "to surprise"

Well that's what happened to me. I was surprised by an old sin with a new face. I was caught off guard, overtaken.

Hit up side the head with a curveball.(and most likely satan plays for a west coast team) anyway...

So as this August rolls around I am looking deeper into my soul. OK so that sounds a little deep, but I am seeking God more, asking Him to search me and lead me in the way everlasting. Putting a check on my actions, thoughts and conversations. Asking God to help keep my eyes open to the ways of satan, to be smart and led by the Holy Spirit in all I do.

So I will leave you with a crazy blip from my old journal, the one I read that prompted this blog.


"I'm so frustrated. I just wanna get wasted. I don't care how. Life is easy to deal with when you're ignoring it. I look over my house and it's thrashed. Day in and day out, laundry, dishes, the floors, oh yuck, the floors.

I'm so not wanting to be a part of my life. Can't someone else do it for awhile?

I'm a mess, a wreck!

How I want to slip back into my old ways. Sometimes it's as if my innards are screaming to be abused. Smoke something, drink something, do something, anything not good.

Die old self. Stay away.

I am frustrated with the lack of what gets done.

I'm a rebel. I need help. God is my help.

My random thoughts drive me nuts, my mind turns over and over as if it's being kneaded like bread.

My life is full, but them again if it wasn't I'd find ways to fill it.

I need a break, I want a maid.

The compromise around me scares me. In an attempt to raise Christian children we expose them to television, commercials, we lie to them about things that are bad for them so they'll stay away.

Help me desire to pray more.

Well that's it. Why I've posted all that I don't know. I guess to expose some of who I am or who I was- although who I was helped form me who I am, so really who I was IS who I am.

I'm sure someone, somewhere is thinking- this girls a mess- and I'm sure my mother is wondering why she handed out my blog address to all her friends.

And although currently the above is not my mindset- I'm still in the need of the maid.

-Michelle
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Shouldn't I Be n Bed?

Up too late.
The boys just got home and to bed. They were at a ballgame and concert with some friends.
I'm tired and realizing my homeschool starts on Monday.

My 8th graders homeschool curriculum, borrowed from my neighbor, came yesterday and I saw that it's a 7th grade curriculum- the same thing he did last year.

So...
He'll start with math, Bible, History and grammar on Monday and Language Arts and Science will just have to wait until I find the cash to purchase it...

Which could be next year, or most likely next week when my mom return's from her vacation.

Anyway, until them or then, depending on what time you're reading htis, I will use these late night hours to plan some sort of a Language Art unit for him. I'm thinking some sort of book study. Either Lord of the Rings or Pilgrim's Progress? He's not a reader so this will pose a challenge.

Well in the 2 seconds it took to write what I could do in these late hours I suddenly got very tired.

The thought of the work in the planning of the study was enough to put me to sleep on the spot. Yikes!

Praise God! That I'm tired, with my insomniac tendencies sleep is good.

Speaking of praises! here are a few more: had a great parent/child interaction with V today. And an answered prayer with my best friend!!! God rocks!



-Michelle
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i need 2 change

This is worth looking at and into. Go here.

-Michelle
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Thinking On...

Realizing more and more each day that attitude and perception can influence a day tremendously.

And being productive.

King Solomon, the wisest man ever! said "So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot." Ecclesiastes 3:22 (see also Ecc. 2:24, 3:13 and 5:18)

I am finding joy in my productivity, or toil, or work or job.

Well at least for today I am.

"Thus far the Lord has helped us" 1 Samuel 7:12, I give Him my tomorrow and since He's the same tomorrow as He was today and yesterday and 10 years ago, my tomorrow looks pretty good.

Until then a positive attitude and proper perspective goes a long way.

"Whatsoever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy- think on such things" Philippians 4:8 paraphrased

Today I am thinking on,
my husband and love of my life,
laughing with my boys,
a new friend who without knowing it- makes me tell all and then we smile and laugh about it- then she brings it all back around to Christ,
the flowers outside my window- Mexican petunias to be exact,
my cats, those crazy, poopey cats...,
my dog and the fact that he sleeps with his head on a pillow (and will nudge a child off that pillow in the middle of the night so he can have it),
how awesome God is and how He has given me such a peace in the midst of my life right now that I often pinch myself to wake myself up- this is so non-characteristic of me,
did I mention the love of life who is snoring so loud right now that I may have to sleep on the sofa...

my sofa is extra super comfy bytheway

So what are you thinking of that is pure and lovely and excellent and praiseworthy?
Again link to it in your comments

(and for anyone who happens to read my blogger account, no one does so check out my myspace at myspace/viaosmom - people read and comment over there)

-Michelle
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Here's What I'm Up Too in My Free Time (or the time I should be doing something like dishes or vacuuming)

What I'm currently reading

And the Bride Wore White by Dannah Gresh
Adolesence Isn't Terminal, It Just Feels Like It by Kevin Lehman
A Women After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George
Maximized Manhood

Been Reading for years now...
The Power of A Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian
Gaining Confidence to Teach by Debbie Strayer

For fun,
yes this first one is a crazy for fun book, but it's good
The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis
Holman Concise Bible Dictionary (yes I just love dictionaries, really I do!)
and
This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti (started this 3 summers ago, I will one day finish it)

So does my ADHD shine through in my reading list!!
I just have different reading tastes at different times of the day and different days of the week.

So what are you reading, I'd love to know- link to it in your comment.


-Michelle
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Can I Check Out Now?

It really sucks being broke.

Staring two businesses in a 7 month period of time does that to a family.

There are times when I just want to be able to order a pizza or buy a pair of shoes. I don't want to have to think about how my electric bill is going to be paid or wonder how long it'll be before I can have a real night out with my husband. Of course he needs to work under a billion hours a week for that to happen.

It just stinks sometimes. I try to stay positive and for the most part I am. Truly I have learned to lean on God during this time like no other. He is my only source of strength, my provider.

Then there are days like today, weekends like this one when I just want to check out.

Or go back to school and live on student loans, or sell drugs or rob a bank.

I find I also often feel left out at times. Others are doing things together that cost money and here I sit, broke. Yes it could be worse and I know I don't have it bad, but still a small thought crosses the back of my mind.. how is the mortgage going to get paid?

Oh wait, I know- God will take care of it. That's the thing, even when Steve had a killer job and the cash flowed, it wasn't the job that paid the bills or provided- it was God.

It's always God. We just kid ourselves and think it's us, some great job we did. It's always God. Always has been, always wil be.

This whole ordeal has been humbling. I remember sitting in the line for free food when tears started to well up. I took my sunglasses off as not to hide behind them and to make myself stop. Why? How? How did we end up here? Could we have done something different, chosen a better path?

What? Something different? Better path? I can't let myself think this way. We chose to start this business and then another. We chose to make decisions that landed us right here where we are.

All said I believe we're in the middle of God's will for our lives. Smack dab in the middle. That's where the peace come from. So my devil resisting goes on so that he will flee. Afterall this isn't my home, heaven is, and trusting in God requires pressing on when things in my eyes are not as they "should" be.

If you read this and are a Believer in Christ, please pray for me.
Thanks

-Michelle
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Had A Quick Minute

I actually have lots to say, although later when I have time it may have all left this empty brain of mine. I had to post this:

-Michelle
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Wordless Wednesday

Space Shuttle Endeavor, from my front lawn.

Head over to Wordless Wednesday for more

-Michelle
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OK, So I'm a Bad Mom

It's been awhile since I felt bad about leaving my son at practice or the like. Today I did. The 92 degrees is what did it.

I hope he doesn't pass out.

While I sit in the a/c- 5 short miles away.

It'll make a man out of him - questionable smile across my face.

-Michelle
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If Only I had a Helmet and Set of Pads

It's getting hotter in Florida, if you can imagine that! Monday was the first day Early Bird wore full pads to practice, I think it was like 93 with a heat index of 103 and he didn't hesitate one second to dress up and head out. He, along with every other kid out there has been waiting for this week for a long time. Full pads in football means they can hit one another!

Not a moms favorite week, but for the kids- they love it!

As I continue in my own struggle of life, new business, new job, more kids, no money... I watch these boys each evening and they inspire me.

I watch them run and hit and run and hit, sweat pours from them like a faucet, their shirts stick to them like glue and yet, they persevere, they push on, they smile. They get up and run again, hit again, yell "Yes Sir!" again. I cringe still when I hear the cracks of the pads and helmets; I'm inspired.

Games are still 3 weeks off and yet they continue on, each night- hot sun, high humidity and temperatures enough to cause me to slip away from practice early finding relief in my a/c. They push on.

They have a goal. A prize.

A jamboree awaits them. Saturdays won't come soon enough. They work hard.

Today I was ready to give up.

It happened to be a fleeting moment, or two, of exasperation; but it existed.

In my feeble attempt to live less of a life of me and more of a life of Christ, I remembered what Paul said in Hebrews 12:1 "let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."

This is my race.
Marked out for me. Not you. Not my friends, nor my family, but me, M.E.

A jamboree awaits me, it's called heaven. I want to run with perseverance.

Perseverance, from persevere: to persist in a state, enterprise, or undertaking in spite of counterinfluences, opposition, or discouragement

Discouragement, hmmmm... To persevere I must push on through this discouragement, in spite of it.

My race, my path. Again takes me to God's Word Psalm 18:32 says "It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect."

My way, perfect?

Due to my past experiences with God I can do nothing but believe Him. He's batting 1,000. Me I tend to strike out a lot. I'll go with God on this one.

He gives me peace.
He gives me strength to persevere.
He changes my attitude, my spirit.

My race is so much more worth it when I have an eternal perspective, when I focus on the jamboree that awaits me.

And oh yes have I said it yet this week??

"HIT SOMEONE!!!"


-Michelle
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Win A Free TV

Head over to 5 Minutes For Mom, they are giving away a 37" Flat Screen TV from Best Buy! While you're there take a look around it's a pretty cool sight. Deadline to win is Aug 17 so hurry up!

-Michelle
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Lord O' The Rings Fest 2

We finished!
Our annual Lord of the Rings Fest is officially over!

This year we had to spread it out over a Mon-Tues and Thursday due to a lack of attendance on Wed, nonetheless, WE. ARE. FINISHED!!!

Every year for the past, well 2 years, we've held a Lord of the Rings Fest, where we watch all 3 Lord of the Rings movies, extended versions, back to back to back.

This year at 9am every morning my house looked like this, notice my comfy chair and quilt.

As we all sat around and ate 14 bags of popcorn, 1 large bag of M-n-M's, 1 large bag of jelly beans, 2 boxes of Cheeze-Its, countless sandwiches and gallons of water while watching Frodo and Sam complete their quest to destroy evil and save Middle-Earth.

Now that I've watched enough TV to last me a whole year I can't help but think more deeply into these great books.

So.... being the homeschooling mother I am we are reading and studying these books for our literature study this year at TreeHouse SchoolHouse.

As I pack up the movies, rearrange my living room back to normal and vacuum up popcorn kernels the reality of summer ending sets in. On one hand I'm thrilled! I will get my house back and go back to feeding 3 kids instead of 6-8. On the other hand it means back to school, back to papers and teaching, no more lazy beach Tuesdays, pool swimming and the carefree attitude that accompanies summer days.

So for these last 2 weeks we'll have to cram as much fun into them as possible and that will include a trip here and here, our annual trip here and maybe even here.

It's time I remove my eyes even from this laptop screen as they are truly bugging out of my head at this point in time.

Peace out!

-Michelle
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