Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Misphah and Shen. He named it Ebenezar, saying , "Thus far the Lord has helped us." 1 Samuel 7:12

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

The Journey Continues....
My life is changing. I'm not sure that I like it.
For the past 13 years I have been a mother. Pregnant when I graduated high school, I married my high school sweetheart and began my career as a stay-at-home-mom. I loved the early years, the late nights, the early mornings, the crying, the cuddling, the crawling, the freshness of life seen through the eyes of a child. The baby stage, the toddler stage, I just loved it!
I love the elementary stage. The learning, the exploring, the parks, questions. I loved it! We climbed trees together, we caught bugs, we grew mold and made play-doh!
I now find myself smack-dab in the teen years! and things are changing around here. We listen to music for fun and jump off of really high things. V towers above me and asks everytime we turn down our road "can I drive?", I'm not sure I like this whole mom thing. I didn't sign-up for this. I didn't want to leave my kids home alone when I run out for a gallon of milk, I didn't want my child to be independent of me. I never expected them to answer the phone and take a message! The other day V called the internet company and worked out our internet problem while I schooled J in the other room - while some may find this a good thing, I'm not convinced it's right! This is not what I signed up for. I wanted them to stay little, to ask me to tie their shoe (so OK J still does this) or cut their meat, I never intended on having them make their own orthodontist appointments or do their own laundry. Somehow in my parenting journey these things all have happened. Somehow I've been phased out of so many of my duties. Somehow, someday I will have worked myself right out of a job. I don't like this, no, not one little bite.

So what comes next?

This is something I've prayed about and wrestled with God about. I've found it very hard to move into this teen stage, what's a mom to do? Here's what I believe He's been telling me. Stick to the task at hand. You are not done, in fact you are far from it. Your duties are changing, embrace them, with My strength and help you'll get through.

So I press on, I press on even though my duties have changed, even though life has taken a turn I'm not crazy about. I'm begining to see my "little men" become little men, I'm begining to see them as young adults, independent and not living under my roof. As much as I hate to see them this way, I must. I need the time to prepare myself for what lies ahead. To prepare myself for the drive to college, the first job, the first home outside my own and even, yes if I must say it, for my being replaced one day by another women, their wife.

So I write today as the mother on a teenager, ready to embark on a journey I'd rather stay behind on, a journey into unchartered waters, a journey I pray, I trust, I know will be a great adventure!

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