I Have No Title for This One

So after a 2 week internet fast I'm slowly making my way back. I didn't miss it as much as I thought I would. I was also surprised that I didn't have a bunch of free time on my hands without it. While not my intention I secretly thought I'd get unfinished projects completed and cupboards cleaned out.
None of that happened.

I will say it was nice to do life without the internet. I did wonder about my friends in the blogosphere, what were they doing, who had babies, who had what tips for me, I wondered what I was missing out on...

So I'm back and right now I sitting at my friends dining room table typing this on her laptop. She's in the hospital after having baby #3 on Friday. I came Thursday night and settled in while Momma made the trip to the hospital. The boys woke on Friday fairly early, one happy the other telling me to "get out". It got better, much better.

Time goes by so quick. Running all over with a two year old came back to me faster than I thought. Makes me think about each day I have with my teenagers. Each minute is so precious, after all I'm not even guaranteed another one.

Man, God's been working on my heart lately. I wish I could put it into words but these last few weeks and this weekend has really stretched me spiritually. Maybe it's life with a 2-year old, maybe it's lack of sleep. Whatever it is I simply do not want to take for granted any time, any opportunity.

My focus has been changing.
Not that my focus has been way off, but then again maybe it has.
I'm beginning to look at what I want in life very differently.
See when I'm 42- my youngest will be on his own.

I mean Lord willing he'll be on his own.
I've given thought about those years. What I'd do, where I'd work, if I'd work, if I'd travel, if I'd be helping orphans or missionaries in third world countries, and on and so on.

But I'm not 42, I'm 34.
I'm not guaranteed my 40's. I'm not guaranteed tomorrow- so that leaves my today.

My today with my kids.
My today with my husband,
my today with family, friends, today with those I come into contact with, who I pass on the street, talk with on the phone, stand next to in the check out, sit with each Wednesday night.

It changes how I look at what I should do with my money, with my time, with my efforts and energy.

'Cause ya know I had a thought about an "emergency fund"- aren't there emergencies all around me happening right now. Children not eating, not having shoes or running water. And yes I mean around me in my state, in my county, in my town.
Children going hungry in my own town. Hurts my heart.

Anyway, I've had time to think.
Now comes the acting. What steps do I now take.
Now comes what I am least good at.

But not my strength, not my will.

So that's the ramblings of a house-sitting, babysitting, little sleep getting, lots of exercise lady who is trying to live more for Christ and less for herself.
-Michelle