Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Misphah and Shen. He named it Ebenezar, saying , "Thus far the Lord has helped us." 1 Samuel 7:12

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Everything's Gonna Be Alright

So my youngest son, Night Owl, came home from Scouts last night, well actually I picked him up, his Papou (Greek for grandfather) took him, and he had had a rough night. It's so hard for me when Night Owl has a rough night. Life has been a little tougher for him. I'm not sure if he "is" anything, but he seems to share "symptoms" with other children who are autistic - very slightly mind you - but still these "things" make life a little more challenging for him. Well last night was memorization questions, getting ready to move on to Boy Scouts, Night Owl was questioned last night on his Scout Oath and Law; they played games to remember the points and were given a bunch of information what he'd need to wear, do and bring for his crossover ceremony. Well just one of these elements, the games, translated to him competition, and the list of "to do's" would have been enough of an overload, but throwing both at him, and the fact that mom and dad weren't there - sent his little mind into a tailspin.

My first reaction was to feel bad for him. My baby. It hurts when your child struggles like this, heck it hurts when your child struggles in general; there's something that cuts deep in me when it comes to Night Owl and his trouble handling things the others take with ease. Hubs words ring in my ears, "Don't feel sorry for him, don't feel sorry for him!" So next the feelings of failure on my part sneak in. "I've failed at home school", "I should have been there for him", "Dad should have been there", "Dad never helps out around the house", "No one helps out", "I'm a failure, I do a bad job at parenting", blah, blah, blah, whine , whine, whine! I became a wreck, my mind went from Night Owl struggling and my inability to make it better to how bad I have it! Are you kidding me, my life is great! God has blessed me with a wonderful family who helps out and who I enjoy, not that we don't have our fair share of dysfunction. Mind you I expressed some of these thoughts to my boys as we are driving home. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks, "You're believing lies again! Stop, you are fearfully and wonderfully made, Night Owl is fearfully and wonderfully made. Stop with the negativity and do something!Stop believing the lies!"

So I did, I gave glory to God, I rejected Satan and the boys and I had a nice little big lesson last night. I began to give praise that Night Owl is homeschooled and I can help him look to God when times are tough, I can use what abilities God gave me as his mother to equip him to survive in a world that doesn't quite make sense to him. We came up with a plan to have him better prepared for Scouts, we gave glory to God for all His goodness.

See the reality of the situation is Night Owl is perfect in how he was made, sinful yes, but his thought process, his ability to adjust or not, his height, his eye color, his everything was made by a perfect God, a God who didn't just throw together a mess of a kid, but a God who knit each and every part of Night Owl together; God has a plan for Night Owl, a plan that is far beyond anything I can imagine, that plan requires Night Owl to react and act and BE just the way he is. So next time when he struggles and the other kids are handling things "fine" I may freak out again on the inside, and that freak out may overflow to the outside, although I pray it doesn't, I'll remember that God "created my (Night Owl's) inmost being" and since God doesn't make mistakes I'll rest assured that every thing's gonna be alright.

*On a side note. When I have a freak out session God has blessed me with great kids. They sit back and listen, quietly, until I either come around or til one of them speaks up and says we should pray or remind me that I am not believing God. Praise God! I figure not only am I teaching them to look to God but also what life with a women is like! I do let them know that women are all this way - we can be an emotional wreck - but how awesome that God loves us and gave men patience to deal with us!!

Just making better husbands, thankyouverymuch!

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