Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Misphah and Shen. He named it Ebenezar, saying , "Thus far the Lord has helped us." 1 Samuel 7:12

Friday, October 08, 2010

Phileo vs Agape

I've really wanted to post more than I have lately, I just haven't had the quiet to actually sit down and type; and when it does get quiet I find myself just enjoying it.

These last weeks and months have been challenging for Steve and I, our relationship has been under a tremendous amount of stress and strain.

The change in dynamics at our house,
a child struggling in their first weeks in public school,
and all the while trying to prioritize us.

Some days I think I just need a vacation, if I could only get away with Steve for a few days it'd fix any stress and strain. We could put aside the daily grind and enjoy us.

But I know that's not the answer.
The answer lies in God's Word, in the daily effort put forth in making a marriage work.

Recently I looked at the words in Titus 2:3-5 about wives loving their husbands, the word love used in that passage is the word "phileo". The verse says
"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

It hit me: I am to be teaching the younger women to phileo love their husbands. This is not agape love- women were built with agape love in them, unconditional love seems to be part of our DNA; but phileo love, that's another story.

The Greek-Lexicon defines phileo love as
1. to love
a. to approve of
b. to like
c. sanction
d. to treat affectionately or kindly, to welcome, befriend
2. to show signs of love
a. to kiss
3. to be fond of doing
a. be wont, use to do

It's the brotherly love.
So as I struggle in my relationship with Steve I have to ask myself am I phileo loving him?
Do I approve of him?
Do I like him?
Do I treat him affectionately?
do I welcome him?
am I a good friend to him?

Sadly enough a year like we've had can make all of those things hard to do, frankly life can make all of these hard to do. I am feeling frustrated, hurt, confused and abandoned. I've easily turned the focus on my kids and myself leaving Steve to get the worst of me and take the brunt of my frustrations.

So last week sometime as I read about this word phileo love and realized I have a younger women in my house who I am instructed to teach, I realized I have been a poor example.
I have been a poor wife.
Oh but by the grace of God I can move on.
My past does not define me, it does not define my marriage.
I can with the strength of the Holy Spirit living in me be kind, be welcoming, be Steve's friend. With that hope, with that peace I press on.

In other news... I am totally loving my iphone.
I rarely get on the home PC because my iphone does it all- except blogging, I've yet to figure that one out.
I play Words With Friend with my friend Rhonda close by and Natalie in Atlanta.
I emojicon all my other iphone friends and can tweet to my hearts content.
Hear me again I can tweet and check tweets and tweet and check tweets- how I love twitter.

We've also rearranged the whole living room, we're finishing up the shed and hopefully will have Justin moved into his new bedroom in a weeks time! Then Sarah can begin to nest in Illana's room. Splashes of pink already brighten the living room and a growing belly excites us all!!

Hope you all have a happy weekend and I plan to stop by this blog a little more often so keep coming back!

Love to you all-

1 comment:

Katie said...

haven't been here in a while either but I love you and am happy to see you happy! it is all a choice isn't it? So glad He gives us another chance each and every day. Love them like crazy!!!


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