Waiting...

Waiting patiently on the Lord isn't always easy.
That's where we're at right now. Waiting. Waiting to take the next step, praying about what it should be; waiting.

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

Psalm 37:7

Waiting. Still. I think about God and the fact that He knows what I'll say before I say it and what my day will hold before one even comes to be. Knowing that and knowing me, perhaps a little ADHD, He still instructs me towait still before Him. I like the King James version because it says "rest in the Lord".

In the Hebrew that word rest means what we think: to be still, rest, silent, wait. The part of the definition that I found most interesting was that it also means: to be dumb, to be astonished, to stop.

Webster defines dumb in many ways but as an adjective the first entry is: lacking the human power of speech.

Hello, let me introduce myself: my name is Michelle and this is my sidekick: my mouth!

After reading that definition I wondered to myself: "Michelle, are you resting, are you being dumb in your rest, or are you so busy in your mind that the physical rest is not giving way to the mental rest, to the rest of your mouth- even when that mouth is speaking to itself in your head?"

My first answer is "yes, of course that's how I'm resting"; see I'm a youngest child, two older brothers, the baby of the family, somewhat spoiled- at least in the way that I've called the shots since I was asked to lead the family around Magic Kingdom at age 8 or planning family vacations at age 15. All that to say I tend to think I know what's best- after all Disney went just fine and our family vacations were always a blast! So my rest tends to be me planning and being sure my way is the way.

The cold hard reality is no. No, I don't always rest in the Lord and wait patiently on Him. I can for a little while but then when crisis comes I jump into my head and start blabbing away at how bad things are; how things aren't going the way they should; how things will never change for us. Lies- all lies, I know, but it's the reality of living in my head.

We're in a season in life right now where we are waiting on the Lord. We're seeking Him in a few areas: should Steve and I go back to school? Is going back to school and getting the degrees we are wondering about part of fulfilling God's plan for our lives. What will our job situations look like if we go back to school? Will we stay here much longer? Are these decisions what we think would work or is it what the Lord wants?

So we're waiting. Resting.

So today, as I step out into a new day I have a new sense of waiting on the Lord, a new sense of dumbness. A new quiet. A new rest. One that keeps my mouth shut, my ears and heart open.

I wait for you, O Lord; you will answer, O Lord my God.

Psalm 38:15

(emphasis mine)