Happy Birthday to Him

He's pretty much why I started blogging. 

I didn't want to forget what he did, said or where he went. 

Now he's all grown up and turned 19 today.

He's an incredible dad and husband.

He walks a path that many don't dare step onto.

I can be hard on him sometimes.

Expect too much, maybe?

But, I love him.

He has a piece of my heart, ok it's more like a chunk of it.

He got me hooked on Superheros, comic books, video games and we share a love for an indoor cat.

I love him more than he knows.

Happy Birthday Vaughan.

BIG NEWS

I am going to be a grandmother again!! Congratulations to Vaughan and Sarah and big sister Illana!

Little Ones Now and Then

Having a little one again reminds me of some things.

It reminds me that sometimes it's more important to sit and play than to do the dishes.
It reminds me that hugs and kisses outweighs a clean shirt.
Showers are overrated,
drooling is best wiped away with a hand and a pair of jeans.
Speaking of jeans, they are a staple in every mom's wardrobe.

Having a little one reminds me that sometimes bedtimes need to be thrown out for the sake of loving and giggling or friends visiting.
A little one reminds me that a baby on the hip, watching your every move is precious; tiring but precious.
A little one reminds me that walks are worth taking
and talking to ones self is freeing.

Laughing at oneself is even better.

Little ones remind me of the simple things in life. No fancy toy needed.
Little ones remind me that books are good and when you have a good one it's worth reading over and over.
Little ones remind me that eating often keeps the fussiness away,
and that sharing is an important rule.

I also have the privilege of being a mom of little ones over a 20 year period of time.
Being a mom of a little one today versus 20 years ago is pretty different.
20 years ago we didn't hang cute banners at birthday parties, nor did we have elaborate themes with printables from the internet.
We couldn't share pictures on Facebook because not only did it not exist but the internet was not common, we didn't even get dial-up until 1996!
20 years ago a pony tail was just that, who knew about all these cute easy "mom pony tails" existed.
20 years ago there was only ONE simple Exersaucer,

this is not even the original, the original had nothing on the tray

and to think there is an even more crowded exersaucer than this one

High chairs were still simple and wooden.
5-point harnesses on a stroller was unheard of
and car seats had a "tray" that lifted up over the child's head.
20 years ago there was no Netflix and PBS was the way to go for children's programing, glad that's still around.
There was no Dora or Curious George TV, no Veggie Tales.
McDonald's still had ballpits- and BIG ones at that.

A lot has changed in the arena of parenting.
And I am blessed to be experiencing it all.


Thank you to the little ones in my world.

Aubry's First B-Day

Aubry turned one on Sunday. We had a small party with her closest friends :)

That would be her family and her babysitters.

We opted to skip out on church since she had been sick all week and had been up for a nice 3 hour party in the middle of the night anyway.

When she did wake up I dressed her in her pre-party outfit.

A cute little outfit that Illana let her borrow with a brand new hair piece I got her off of Etsy.

 Aubry and I spent a chunk of time playing outside with the cats.

 Here she is following one under the chair.

Oh! She caught one. Toby is our biggest cat and when he is ready for some lovin' he is willing to let her hug and tug on him.

Inside was a different story. I made two banners for her the week and day of the party. One read "Hugs & Kisses" and the other "b-day wishes"

 She wore an ice cream dress and we made cupcakes in ice cream cones. She had both a golden butter cream cupcake and a chocolate one.

 Here's the best shot I got of her in her special birthday dress.

It was a good time. Her bio-mom showed up and I thought it went well. 

Only because of God's grace could I deal with the situation like I did.

A few of the guests, several actually, had a hard time seeing bio-mom with Aubry. They hurt for mom and the fact that she hadn't been a part of this precious ones life. 

Me? 

I felt indifferent. 

Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me in that I think "it is what it is".

Life is what is happening and I find it best to just do the next thing. To accept the here, the way things are and move on. God has a perfect Kingdom calendar, a perfect plan for my life and when things happen out of my control I find it best to just accept it and step forward.

Now don't get me wrong, sometimes I freak and scream and pitch a fit, but never did I wake up and think my life would take the turns it has taken. 

So when it came to the birthday party I did my best to include Aubry's bio-mom. For now the goal is reunification and I must do what I can on my part to cautiously make that transition the best for Aubry that it can be.

I love this little girl and I really don't want to let her go. She has a piece of my heart.

Who knows?

Who knows what tomorrow holds?

What is it for me to even speculate,

after all I'm ready for my Lord's return tonight.

Tomorrow may never come and when it does, 

when tomorrow comes and I am gone,

I will be forgotten, 

my life is like a flower in the field, the wind blows over it and it's place remembers it no more.

I do believe my Jesus footprint, however small, will carry on His love.

That's why I loved bio-mom yesterday.

That's why I do the next thing.

Hopefully it's the Jesus thing.

Following my Rabi,

Today I'm Painting a Dresser and Typing This

Today at Bible study we heard about the relationship between joy and anguish.
I won't get into all the technical stuff but I will say that it made me think of the times in my life when I was in anguish.
When my heart couldn't handle it, my mind could barely stand it and my body felt as though it couldn't bare up under it.
Looking back at those times I see the joy that resulted.
The joy in the lesson,
in the result,
in the growing pains of life.

While I really don't feel as though I am in any sort of anguish right now, I also don't feel as though I am living in great joy.

My mind can allow myself to see anguish as a possibility,
and my heart desires joy.

My source of anguish has morphed into joy
but only through my Savior is that possible.

-----------------------------------

On a separate note there's a good chance, OK so there is the fact,
that I will be leaving Wednesday night youth service for Sunday morning youth service.
The difference, besides the day and time, is the switch from a small group leader to a D-Teams teacher.
*deep breath*
yeah, I'm pretty much an idiot
but for some reason God is calling this idiot to teach in a more formal setting about Him.
Nervous? yes.
Stepping out in faith. yes

Just wanting to post this of my boys

For whatever reason I have never felt so unequipped and least qualified for this.
I'm scared.
Not much scares me in the physical world but this does.
And it's not fear of speaking, or the kids. Not sure what it's root is.
So I could use some prayer.

May you have a happy day~