Surviving Cancer gets one thinking...

The thing about surviving cancer is watching those around you get a cancer diagnosis.

I know what they are facing.

And then again I don't know.

Cancer is so unique to every person.

The type, the size, the location.

Then add in people lives.

No two are are the same, so no two cancer diagnosis are the same.

No two faith walks are the same.

God knit us together so unique and perfect that out journey is just that, ours.

Take cancer out of it.

Life is simply hard; no one gets left out of the hard.

The question is how will we respond?

I struggled this last week with hope.

I had lost it, 

...............or at least I felt that way.

The I went to God's Word and read this:

Lamentations 3:21-24

This I recall to mind,

Therefore I have hope.

The LORDS lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, 

for His compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.

"The Lord is my portion" says my soul,

therefore I have hope in Him. 

I had shifted my hope from The LORD, to the temporal, :( .... I was thinking on what I see here in the physical world, playing some things out in how I see things. no bueno

HOWEVER, my story doesn't stop there....

.... God truly never ceases to amaze me: when I shift my focus to His Word;

His way, His mindset.

Peace follows.

Joy comes.

Life is hard my friends.

God is good.

Let's be growing in Christ and be the hands and feet of Jesus to the world around us, 

in our unique position and lot in life.

May we be able to say this...

"we rejoice in our sufferings knowing that,

suffering produces endurance,

endurance produces character and 

character produces hope and

hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." 

-Romans 5:3-5

And when life is in a calmer, less stormy "good" season, rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice, let your gentleness be known to all. (Phil 4:4,5)

I hope you are encouraged by this post.

If you have been, 

please let me know in the comments below.

I am hoping to journal more here to encourage you in the your own day to day.

It is my heart that you can face life knowing that God loves you and has your best in mind lean into His Word.

xoxo

-m

Is This Really It?

I found myself, and to an extent still do at the time of typing, asking this question about my life.

Is this really it?

A life I once lived to it's fullest I now can struggle to barely live.

I'd rather retreat and be safe.

Staying home use to mean lots of entertaining and people, now it means quiet and alone, usually with a dog or two close by.

It's not that I'm necessarily wanting to withdraw and retreat, it's just how life has evolved to be right now.

I know this is a season; for me it feels like a "season of the sticks".

Bare bones living.

No fresh leaves on the trees or flowers in the field.

Just sticks hanging out.

They shed their leaves and not they wait, ready for the covering of a good winter snow.

Will they survive? or will the weight of winter break them?

Dry seasons do that, have you wondering if you'll survive? Questioning, trying to figure it out, waiting for the coming out of a sprout of the spring bud, that is hope; but first come the hard times, the stick season of winter.

And I'm okay with that, 80% of the time, may 90%.

It's that other 20% that is getting me down, holding me here in a time warp, not knowing what to do next, where to go or what to even dream.

See, I am a dreamer.

A BIG dreamer.

But dreaming has been hard lately.

I'm not even sure I know how anymore.

Divorcing after 27 years is what did it, or is what kicked this off.

See I had dreams for 27 years that involved me and my ex.

I can look back now and see those dreams were as lonely then as they are now, I just could lie to myself better then.

So while I do not know what these next steps are I do know where I am is where I am.

My job is my job.

My role as a mom hasn't changed, 

........I'm still a Yiayia to my grands, 

..........................daughter to my mom.

So why the sullen face?

Why do I still struggle?

Let me tell you why: I have an enemy of my soul.   

He hates me.

He tells me I am useless and can't dream anymore.

He says dreaming is a waste of time and settling is safer.

He tells me to stay quiet and home, I am no fun to be around after all, a bore. 

He reminds me of all the lies I ever believed or heard... and he tells me them again and again; sad part, I listen. It's easier that way.

So for today in this moment this is where I am at.

And that's ok.

I won't stay here; and this season of the sticks won't stay around forever; how do I know? 

Because I've been here before. 

Stick season.

No life seems to be anywhere around.

Then......

Then the Stick Season/dryness of life gathers heavy snow,

breaking weak branches off the trees and 

yet the same snow cover other branches with such balance and grace like a beautiful gymnast on a balance beam; ever so dainty and light.

I've watch the sticks sprout buds of white, 

then green, 

then color with fruit, leaves and flowers.

I'm gonna bet on my faith in Christ, His Holy Spirit in me and God loving me as my fuel to get through this life no matter the season.

I'll embrace this hand I've been dealt and never fold; what about you?

What/who are you leaning on/into?

 

XOXO

-m

Embrace 2025 With Me

I'm feeling the affects of 50 plus years of life on my body, and it freaks me out.

I don't like it.

I spend the majority of 2024 on bedrest, either because I was recovering from surgery or because I was spiraling down to 104# in an over active thyroid kind of way; but I'm good now.

Seeing Dogman with my grandson

Good because I am working with my doctors to solve this mystery and move on past the medical issues I have battled since 2016; while it seems appropriate to list the bad news here, I just can't do it. I can't do it because once I start down a road of the negative it seems to lead downhill and next thing I know I'm in a downhill spiral toward bad food and time choices, depressed and in an overall funk.

So while the aches and pains of 50 show up and the recovery road back to health for me has been slower than I want, I am thankful. Thankful I have a community of people around me, speaking truth to me; I'm glad I have a faith in a God who is who He says He is and does what he says He will do, like always love me, be there for me and has good for me, even when I don't see it.

So here's to 2025, a year of life giving growth, pressing on through the hard and CHOOSING what thoughts I will think on, what mind patterns I will travel most and what people I will reach out to.

Here's to you learning to like yourself, to love yourself.

Here's to us embracing the changes that always take place and doing it with grace and friendship.

And here's to me, showing up here, sharing my story so you can be encouraged to dare to live fully in the wild of life.

-m

Getting Real

As I sit here and look at my life and how God has brought me through so much. 

Just He and I. 

While the world burned all around me, there I sat; in the middle of my worst nightmare, with an uncanny peace, a calm deep down that finds warmth in the heat and joyful for a fresh start from the ground up.

So here I am almost 4 years later, the rebuilding has begun; it seems like we squatted as best we could in our home as I trained and retrained and then trained again, bouncing from dog jobs to sales jobs, to Walmart, weed trimming, housekeeping, waitressing, eventually landing a sweet bookkeeping gig.

Leaving me here, thankful and blessed with a Rock solid foundation and a deeper relationship with God.

I've been looking at these past years as a bit of a Wilderness Experience, but as I shed a layer of my past I look back with a different perspective, a knowledge of the truth of that Wilderness. The truth is this: it was and is a close, personal, intimate time with God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. So many times i found myself literally crying out to God, yelling, angry, happy, thankful, sad, joyful.... the whole thing, we went through it together.

Just He and I.

So now I press-on.

With a new thyroid issue and a hope of a miraculous healing, I press on toward a healthier lifestyle, even more time with the ones I love and a fresh desire and love for God, His Word and will for my life.

************

One another note, I am making progress on my book.

Life has thrown me a bunch and like many of you I was left to figure it out, start fresh and trust God.

Unsure of the name, have some ideas, but my heat is that this book would encourage women in their walk with God.

Loved by God, as are you, 

-Michelle