No one said it would be easy

Happy November, I've been absent for a very long time, why?

Well, I let my ex-father-in-law's words get in my head.

He told me I needed to stop acting better than everyone else, that I was bossy and judgemental.

And I believe him, or at least let his words run my blogging and writing world for far too long.

So I'm back.

I'm going to be sharing the struggle I am currently in and how good and marvelous and compassionate and caring God is. 

I'm divorced.

I knew my ex was a drug addict for a long time. That's how we connected actually, over him driving me to a pit (that's a gravel pit where rural kids go get drunk, have a bonfire and do things we will not say) to pick up my 4 pack of Mich Lite in a long-neck bottle. Yeah don't ask me how or why I decided that when I was gonna drink beer, which I hate, it would be Michelob lite in a long neck bottle; any whozel a party had been broken up by the cops and I had to flee leaving that said beverage behind, but I'm thrifty and knew I needed it. So that was hang out #1 with my ex and hangout #2 consisted of us getting high, off mary jane, behind an old farmhouse my parents had purchased for the land.

It would be July 9, 2019 that it was confirmed that my husband (at the time) was truly a drug addict when I found his pill vile with crystal meth in it. This was 3 weeks before my last chemotherapy treatment for breast cancer.

He denied then admitted it was indeed his.

Some days I think I should have kicked him out but I wanted to stay. I loved him and a Christian women I dearly wanted God to heal him, that he would put down the drugs and pick up a love for his family.

Why do we stay so long?

I've spoken with other women who knew something was up in their marriage but stayed. Cheating. Drugs. Gambling. You name it, so many women stick around for the sake of making it work, for the sake of a change coming. For me, it never did.

So as I step back into blogging I will be sharing my story.

Divorce gave me freedom, it gave me peace, it gave me sleep; it also gave me uncertainty and fear. I have many things to put down on paper.

Many things to share that I haven't be able to fear of repercusions in divorce court. I am not innocent in this mess of a movie marriage I was in for almost 28 years.

I did things I knew were wrong, I allowed things I knew were wrong.

So why ot share the story.

Share the journey that took me from a lost, scared 18 year old to here today a single mom trying to honor God with her life and make a difference for His Kingdom.

Thanks for being here.

xoxo

-Michelle