Is This Really It?

I found myself, and to an extent still do at the time of typing, asking this question about my life.

Is this really it?

A life I once lived to it's fullest I now can struggle to barely live.

I'd rather retreat and be safe.

Staying home use to mean lots of entertaining and people, now it means quiet and alone, usually with a dog or two close by.

It's not that I'm necessarily wanting to withdraw and retreat, it's just how life has evolved to be right now.

I know this is a season; for me it feels like a "season of the sticks".

Bare bones living.

No fresh leaves on the trees or flowers in the field.

Just sticks hanging out.

They shed their leaves and not they wait, ready for the covering of a good winter snow.

Will they survive? or will the weight of winter break them?

Dry seasons do that, have you wondering if you'll survive? Questioning, trying to figure it out, waiting for the coming out of a sprout of the spring bud, that is hope; but first come the hard times, the stick season of winter.

And I'm okay with that, 80% of the time, may 90%.

It's that other 20% that is getting me down, holding me here in a time warp, not knowing what to do next, where to go or what to even dream.

See, I am a dreamer.

A BIG dreamer.

But dreaming has been hard lately.

I'm not even sure I know how anymore.

Divorcing after 27 years is what did it, or is what kicked this off.

See I had dreams for 27 years that involved me and my ex.

I can look back now and see those dreams were as lonely then as they are now, I just could lie to myself better then.

So while I do not know what these next steps are I do know where I am is where I am.

My job is my job.

My role as a mom hasn't changed, 

........I'm still a Yiayia to my grands, 

..........................daughter to my mom.

So why the sullen face?

Why do I still struggle?

Let me tell you why: I have an enemy of my soul.   

He hates me.

He tells me I am useless and can't dream anymore.

He says dreaming is a waste of time and settling is safer.

He tells me to stay quiet and home, I am no fun to be around after all, a bore. 

He reminds me of all the lies I ever believed or heard... and he tells me them again and again; sad part, I listen. It's easier that way.

So for today in this moment this is where I am at.

And that's ok.

I won't stay here; and this season of the sticks won't stay around forever; how do I know? 

Because I've been here before. 

Stick season.

No life seems to be anywhere around.

Then......

Then the Stick Season/dryness of life gathers heavy snow,

breaking weak branches off the trees and 

yet the same snow cover other branches with such balance and grace like a beautiful gymnast on a balance beam; ever so dainty and light.

I've watch the sticks sprout buds of white, 

then green, 

then color with fruit, leaves and flowers.

I'm gonna bet on my faith in Christ, His Holy Spirit in me and God loving me as my fuel to get through this life no matter the season.

I'll embrace this hand I've been dealt and never fold; what about you?

What/who are you leaning on/into?

 

XOXO

-m

Embrace 2025 With Me

I'm feeling the affects of 50 plus years of life on my body, and it freaks me out.

I don't like it.

I spend the majority of 2024 on bedrest, either because I was recovering from surgery or because I was spiraling down to 104# in an over active thyroid kind of way; but I'm good now.

Seeing Dogman with my grandson

Good because I am working with my doctors to solve this mystery and move on past the medical issues I have battled since 2016; while it seems appropriate to list the bad news here, I just can't do it. I can't do it because once I start down a road of the negative it seems to lead downhill and next thing I know I'm in a downhill spiral toward bad food and time choices, depressed and in an overall funk.

So while the aches and pains of 50 show up and the recovery road back to health for me has been slower than I want, I am thankful. Thankful I have a community of people around me, speaking truth to me; I'm glad I have a faith in a God who is who He says He is and does what he says He will do, like always love me, be there for me and has good for me, even when I don't see it.

So here's to 2025, a year of life giving growth, pressing on through the hard and CHOOSING what thoughts I will think on, what mind patterns I will travel most and what people I will reach out to.

Here's to you learning to like yourself, to love yourself.

Here's to us embracing the changes that always take place and doing it with grace and friendship.

And here's to me, showing up here, sharing my story so you can be encouraged to dare to live fully in the wild of life.

-m

Getting Real

As I sit here and look at my life and how God has brought me through so much. 

Just He and I. 

While the world burned all around me, there I sat; in the middle of my worst nightmare, with an uncanny peace, a calm deep down that finds warmth in the heat and joyful for a fresh start from the ground up.

So here I am almost 4 years later, the rebuilding has begun; it seems like we squatted as best we could in our home as I trained and retrained and then trained again, bouncing from dog jobs to sales jobs, to Walmart, weed trimming, housekeeping, waitressing, eventually landing a sweet bookkeeping gig.

Leaving me here, thankful and blessed with a Rock solid foundation and a deeper relationship with God.

I've been looking at these past years as a bit of a Wilderness Experience, but as I shed a layer of my past I look back with a different perspective, a knowledge of the truth of that Wilderness. The truth is this: it was and is a close, personal, intimate time with God, Jesus and Holy Spirit. So many times i found myself literally crying out to God, yelling, angry, happy, thankful, sad, joyful.... the whole thing, we went through it together.

Just He and I.

So now I press-on.

With a new thyroid issue and a hope of a miraculous healing, I press on toward a healthier lifestyle, even more time with the ones I love and a fresh desire and love for God, His Word and will for my life.

************

One another note, I am making progress on my book.

Life has thrown me a bunch and like many of you I was left to figure it out, start fresh and trust God.

Unsure of the name, have some ideas, but my heat is that this book would encourage women in their walk with God.

Loved by God, as are you, 

-Michelle

A Clean Sweep

This is not a travel post, it's just the intro and update. I have become a travel agent again.

I have been planning our family vacations since age 7 and helping friends and family travel for over 30 years and was a travel agent with World of Magic Travel from 2016-2021, so getting back in the industry has seemed natural.

This time around and Lord willing the last time, I am with an AMAZING agency called, Smart Moms Travel. I specialize in Disney, cruises and all-inclusive.

But that's not what this post is about.

This post is about a short disconnect I am going to have with social media. 

I enjoy using social media to build and online business. I'm getting ready to launch my travel agency, Michelle Spanos Travel Agent, LLC, and will use IG and FB to do so, I really enjoy connecting with clients and starting conversations about travel on social media.

This month I have been doing a 30-day Bible Reading Challenge. Once this challenge is complete, I will be wrapping up my social media time for 2024. 

I'll be logging off for social from Dec 1-31, 2024.

😁 Eeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkk!!!!!!

I am excited to take this break.

I'm curious do you take social media breaks?

If so, how long? How often? What motivates it?

I'd love to hear so please do tell in the comments.

The last major break I took was in 2015, I took the entire year off. Looking back, it's kind of sad and kind of pleasing. Sad that I can't see that year and pleasing because I know I was enjoying the present.

🙏

This social media break is different. The motivation behind it is fueled not by social media negatively affecting me but a prompting from The Lord. 

I've been listening to a sermon on the parable of the women who lost the coin, she searched and search for it, sweeping the room to find what she had lost.

The speaker encouraged us to think of something we have lost and wish we could get back.

She had taken a poll and some of the answers were, innocence, virginity, joy....., whatever it is we have all lost something and sometimes just can't find it, but here's the deal- we can find it! 

In Jesus we can find it, we may not be able to actually get them back but with Jesus we can have purity, we can have joy, we ca be complete not lacking.

I want that.

The women swept the house; think about it, when looking for what was lost, you and me, we often need to do a clean sweep.

Talk about a clean sweep, I just got divorced after 27 years and 50 weeks.

For me, divorce was a clean sweep.

Everything in my life was swept away, my income/job, my husband, seeing my boys every day, getting to be home with my daughter, my ability to trust, my desire to see people, my self-esteem, my future dreams, so much was swept away, not one part of my life was left untouched. 

With all that swept away, I can now have clarity, I can find what God's Word says and have what I've lost, my joy, my happiness, my positivity, peace, back.

So, I'm looking forward to this clean sweep of a future I have, and I want to clean out the noise as well.

We live in a loud world.

Lots of voices and experiences bombard us every day and is why taking a social media break is so important.

So, join me.

Take a month off and why not December, it's a busy month anyway, why waste time on social media.

I'll still be blogging weekly, and I will be praying for you. Praying that your heart with be steadfast after Christ.

xoxo

-m