Don't Lose Heart My Friend

Some days I go back to 2 Corinthians 4:16–18, and I just sit with it, because it’s true to the bone. We don’t lose heart… but wow, life gives us plenty of reasons to try. As single moms and single women over 46, we’ve walked through hardship we never asked for and seasons that felt like they’d never end. We carry so much—quietly, faithfully, and often without anyone really seeing the weight of it.

And this is exactly why I cherish a getaway. Yes, it’s fun and full of adventure, but it’s also the one place where I’m not “everything” to everyone. Back home, I’m trusting God, but I’m also the one working to pay the bills… making sure we eat… keeping the clothes clean… parenting, guiding, shaping, discipling. I’m the lawn crew, the house maintenance department, the emotional support team, and the Uber driver for my daughter. I’m not complaining—just being honest. And I know you get it.

So hear me when I say this: begin to schedule a getaway for yourself. Whether it’s just you or a group of women who get your life and your heart—go. Disney, a cruise, a road trip, an all-inclusive Caribbean escape… it doesn’t matter where you go. The value of stepping away, breathing different air, and remembering who you are outside of your responsibilities? Priceless.

But whether you go or you don’t, remember this: God already told us that in this world we will have trouble—but to take heart, because He has overcome the world.

And He also tells us:

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” — 2 Corinthians 4:16–18

You’re held. You’re seen. And you’re allowed to rest.

-Michelle

When Forgiveness Is Hard

Forgiveness. 

Webster says forgiveness is the act of forgiving.

Forgiving: to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)

Resentment: a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult or injury.

I saw the women my ex left me for at my daughters soccer game last night and I realized I have not forgiven her. 

I mean I have and yet I haven't, can this back and forth forgiveness even exist? I feel like Paul doing what I don't want to do. 

She, this affair partner of my husband at the time, had claimed to be my friend, which I now see was all a ploy for them to be together, she was the kind of girl so insecure that she was looking for a man who would tell her all the things and she didn't care that he was married.

I think my biggest struggle with the whole thing is that there has never been any "I'm sorry" or "I did lie, I was cheating with your husband" No, there is nothing. her last words to me were how much of a horrible mother I was, the worst she had ever seen.

I was only nice to her, opening my home and my life to her.

She is an addict and alcoholic, I met her when she had relapsed and was in need of people to do life with, I felt called to help her. She had lost her license for habitual DUIs and so I drove her to work, to probation, doctors appointments. we even went to Disney together and back to visit her family in the Florida panhandle. Little did I know, she was looking out for her own good and was doing drugs with my husband and stealing money from me.

But she doesn't know the Lord, why would I expect anything else from her, and in reality why would I even expect myself to behave any different.

I too am a horrible sinner saved by grace.

Oh that grace.

That grace was given to me, Lord God I want to extend that grace to her.

I desire to fully understand it in my own life and to extend it to her.

I want to extend that grace to the women who looked me in the face and called me friend, all the while stabbing me in the back slowly and painfully over 10 months.

I need Your strength Lord Jesus because my flesh wanted to punch her in the face when I saw her.

Oh forgive me for such little faith.

You're always doing a NEW thing God and I am excited to see what tis new thing is!

So if you are struggling to forgive, tell God about it, use my prayer above. we can not let unforgiveness stick around, we simply can not.

Be blessed my friend,

Michelle

Why I Deactivated Social Media

I've completely deactivated my FB and IG.

I was tired of seeing posts about my friend who took her own life. The memories of her, questions as to why and a string of posts blaming her ex alcoholic husband she was trying to divorce had me disliking and feeling sad on many levels.

We had become closer of the years; our friendship started as a mentorship, she to me and then slowly over the years it switched to a friendship and then in the end, I helped her along this journey.

I was about 3 years ahead of her in a divorce battle, my ex a narcotic addict, hers an alcoholic. 

There are so many of us out there trying to make sense of life after living long term with an addict.

The lies, the constant questioning our reality, being told what we are experiencing isn't real.

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I remember my ex taking hours in the bathroom, literal hours. It was hard to plan anything and his response was always, "No, it wasn't that long, you're impatient, you don't know" Then I would time him to prove to myself that I was not making it up, it really was a very long time, and then I would show him the timer and that he did indeed take hours to get ready in the bathroom. His response "Who does that? You're crazy to be timing me.  Who does that?' To which I would think "I am crazy, be patient, be kind, put others before you Michelle."

She dealt with that too. My friend who died.

She had be been cheated on for years and yet somehow she thought she was to blame; that somehow his rudeness was her fault.

So I deactivated social media and I also turn my phone off regularly; I do not want to be distracted from taking my eyes off of the real world in front of my face. I do not want to connect with people online who quite honestly could care less about me (more on that to come).

So to anyone divorcing an alcoholic or drug addict I encourage you to hang in there. To seek God and His Word, to know what God says about you.

You are loved.

God has always been there.

He loves you just as you are, right where you are.

-m

Wanting to Blog More - So Just Doing it More Regularly

So I am taking back what I can.

I want to give up often; starting life over at age 46 and now being 50, I can be hesitant about starting new with some fear of it all just falling apart again.

But that's not me.

I simply can not quit or give up, it is just not in my nature and I spent many years doing it to the detriment of my mental health; but that is the past and while glancing in the rearview is allowed it is just a glance.

So today was pressure washing the dog patio and yard and general yard work.

I have dreams and goals of using this property for God's glory on a larger level than He is using it now.

I will start by hosting craft events here and then who knows what; I am proceeding with open hands and a willing heart.