A Good Playlist Can Be a Gamechanger

Calling all my sisters out there who just don't wanna wake up and do another day.

I would encourage you to get a good positive, Christ-filled playlist together and listen
and dance
and sing
and worship.

My current play list is tobymac
a combo off three albums,
it took three screen shots to get the whole playlist but here it is.
If you are looking for some new tunes may I suggest "Beyond Me", his newest single.

When God uses a song to speak to me, I tend to add it several times to a playlist, that way I get to hear it a bunch!! Obviously I did that with "Beyond Me".

I am really holding to the truth of the line in the song that says,"In over my head, keeps me countin on You"- boy do I feel over my head at times.

Toddler.

Business owner.

Ambassador to Honduras.

Grandmother.

Friend.

Encourager.

Wife.

Bible study leader.

Some days it all stacks up and I am reminded that all of this is so beyond me.

If life wasn't a challenge then I would have no reason to look to my God and my Savior.
So a little tobymac really helps make those challenges bearable,
winable,
doable.

So if you need a reminder of what this life is about,
you need a pick me up,
let me encourage you again to a good playlist.

Speaking of, what are your favorite songs for a lift in the mood?

Well, a good playlist always leads to a good roadtrip,
Aubs and I are headed off today for a short day trip with a friend who has found herself in Jacksonville, FL for the week.

Happy Trails
-m

#FitByFirst, Day 3

rock climbing- great way to MOVE

OK, so today is the last day of the free intro part of the #FitByFirst challenge I am participating in. 
Today I was encouraged to MOVE for fun!

I commit to journal this whole journey as a form of accountability to myself. I will write about each day as it happens and then post each night.

I also have a few other goals beyond the #FitByFirst that I'd like to work on over this month.
#1- practice self-control in what I put into my mouth and body like binging on food, nail biting and smoking
#2- Daniel praying, this is what I call it. Scheduled, set aside prayer times. Just me and God. Daily. Multiple times.
#3- memorize scripture

My next 7 days of cleansing will look like this--
- no dairy (i will miss you cheese, yogurt, milk and cream)
- fruit and veggie diet (not a veggie fan, but i can do this, i like veggies, i like veggies)
- water, water, water (i thoroughly enjoy water)
- black coffee (black coffee seems to be very spiritual to me)

****************************************
today's notes...
it was a great day today; however, I didn't pay attention to what went into my mouth, for some reason I can get on autopilot with Aubry -- lunch time away from home gets me
remembering that Grace Already Won

FOOD INTAKE
water, water, black coffee, black coffee, water, water, water...

Darn it! I ate 3 strawberries
Front Porch Pickings delivers my fruits and veggies each week to my house---- and today----
THERE     WERE     STRAWBERRIES.
Out of habit I ate 3 and even craved breakfast sausage in the fridge thinking "nope, no eating" all the while chewing away of the red, juicy sweetness of a strawberry- yikes!

Darn it, I drank a kids size chocolate shake too, not a good day today~ got offered a free one, declined it, then had one made for me, 
said thanks and drank out of courtesy~ errr... 

FITNESS
Did 42 air squats 

The challenge was to have fun moving so I pulled Aubry around the yard and house in the wagon, we made a rock border around our new butterfly garden and planted some milkweed sprouts from a friend.

SPIRITUAL
meditating on what scripture to memorize

So that's today
Tomorrow,
His mercies are new,

xoxo
-m

Moment Rescued

I really wanted to share this moment with you all that I had while in Orlando for my 40th birthday last month.

As Steve and I rode on one of resort buses two couple who were vacationing together, their deep-southern accents and Disney t-shirt gave them away. 

So these two couple are conversing and the one dad says to the daughter in the other family ,"boy you're white" and he continued to made comments on her pasty white skin.

I felt uncomfortable, even Steve was aware of the awkwardness.

So I spoke up saying something like, "Yeah I love how Madonna does the pasty white, she really looks great and so young and makes it nice for the rest of us whiteys."

Carlos and I back in 2008 at a Blog Party

The girl cracked a smile and the mom chimed right in agreeing and smiling, I could tell she was feeling less like slugging that guy but still sure she'd never vacation with him again.

The mood lightened,
the mean mouther turned his head and shut his mouth,
I made a few new friends on a bus at Universal Orlando
and I believe
a moment was rescued.

My friend, Carlos Whittaker, wrote a book about Moments and making them, well great!

It was after we got off the bus that night last month that I realized what a moment I had just been a part of.

Jesus was all about rescuing moments.
He was all about making moments and making each moment count.

I have an extra copy of the book Moment Maker if you want to swing by and pick it up or it's worth the cash, go buy it on Amazon.

Just wanting to share a smiley story with you.
Coming soon.... my Fit by the First challenge journey.

XOXO
-m

Where'd My Joy Go?

Somehow,
somewhere along the road of my journey I lost my joy.
Lost may be a far fetched word and I most likely choose to misplace it.
Misdirect it.
OK, so like my hairbrush, my wallet and my keys, I lost it.
For now.
or,
for then.

I'm getting it back.
Slowly.
But it's coming.

JOY
Jesus
Others
Yourself

As I sat across my kitchen counter I asked her, "what's the deal with joy?"
She shared the above acronym and the tears swelled up.
"I don't even need to share with you what I wanted to share" I said
"For all I have to say deals with me."

See I was trying to spell joy, yoj or yjo.
Either way I was working hard at making the "y" sound say the "j" sound.
Working hard and keeping me first and wondering why I was hating it.

So I "googled" joy in my Bible app.
The list was long.
God has a lot to say about joy.

"Rejoice in hope
be patient in tribulation
be constant in prayer." Romans 12:12

Rejoice in hope. My hope in in Christ and Christ alone. My rejoicing, my joy comes from that hope.
My hope can not rely on circumstances, job, address, bank account, closet, dreams, future, husband, kids; 
no 
my hope, 
my source of rejoicing------lies in the Lord. 
It's simple.
Jesus--- that's the start of joy.

"When they saw the star,
they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy" Matthew 2:10

That refers to the wise men when the star they were following came to a halt above the place where Jesus was.
The place where he was.
Did you get that? It wasn't when they saw him or heard him speak, they just knew he was near.
They rejoiced exceedingly with great joy. That's a lot of joy.
and yet they hadn't even seen Jesus yet.
They just knew he was near.
How often to I demand a sighting?
He is near.
That my friends is worth rejoicing over- and rejoicing with exceedingly great joy.

I want that.

So I could share more but for now it's that simple.
I need it simple.

Life is complicated enough with late nights with toddlers and teenagers.
Preparing and cooking meals,
taxiing kids and staying on a budget.
Laundry and housework, friends and family;
yeah life is complicated and I desire for simple.

Simple things like Jesus.
Finding my joy in him.
Resting in Him.

From Jesus my joy can grow,
is growing,
has grown.

So to you, I ask...
where is your joy from?
The everlasting or the temporal?
The One who all hope rests in or the fleeting hope of the world?

Have joy,

When Peace Moves In

So last Saturday, Aubry, Steve and I headed to a local park.
Then Aubry's bio-dad showed up.
deep breath

The visit went very well. He is doing good and seemed genuinely happy to meet his daughter. I've hashed over all the details with local friends and so I am a little "worded out" on this subject.

We are trusting God like never before.
Resting in His peace that Jesus left us.
Knowing He knows what's best for Aubry May, knowing He loves her more than anyone else in this situation.
Asking boldly and with confidence that we will remain Aubry's primary care givers.

So I hang on tight to the back of this bike (see previous post) unable to see clearly where this road is leading but doing my best to laugh and enjoy the ride. May the joy of the Lord fill my heart and may I look differently at every day of this life I wake up to, for I never know what it will really hold.

Have a peaceful day,

When You Can't See

Isn't life like this picture?
While we think we may be steering or perhaps we are fooled to think our feet are actually leading us when in fact we are like Aubry May, standing, holding on, clueless as to what really lies ahead.

Aubry's last court date was back in April.
We were headed north on a plane when her court date went down so we got to miss out on the waiting and the judge and the legal terms and the blah, blah, blah.

Long story short--- nothing has changed. We still remain Aubry's relative caregivers and her bio-parents have an extended time to "get their stuff together".

Only time will tell.

I'm not sure how I feel about our court system;
often I see it as a highly dysfunctional system and other times I see how it got to where it is and why it must chug along the way it does.

I was happy that it was made official on the last set of documents that we do in fact wish to adopt little Miss Aubry May.
I was happy the judge got to read that,
the lawyers and parents got to read that
and now all I can do is hang on and wait blindly to see what the outcome will be.

With all of this taking place and Aubry talking more and more it's got me thinking about telling her about her story.

I've let the state know that Aubry will always know she is adopted, that if we do in fact adopt her, we'll always be open about who her bio-mom and bio-dad are as well as keep their dirty laundry under raps. We've been asked if we'd allow them to see her and our response is yes, as long as they are in a state to see her we would not deny her that.

I've wondered though, how will I tell her.
What will it sound like?
Last night I began to jot down her story in the form of a children's book,
one we could read to her as she grows that would tell her life and highlight the people and events that have made her story unique and wonderful.
Aubry May is loved by many and I want her to know that.
I want her to see her significance in Christ and know without a doubt that her bio-parents behavior reflects nothing on her.

I don't know.
Only time will tell.
Until then, I'll hold on and trust in The One who knows what lies ahead.

*so I wrote this post last Friday, May 17; then at 1:27 while I was proofing it a phone call came in.
From CPC.
It was Aubry's case worker calling to say Aubry's biological father dad called and wanted to set up visitation with Aubry.
It will be his first visit with her.
So trust what we can't see is obviously something I need to live out right now.
With a calm heart,

The Humbling of a New Englander

So I am a New Englander.
If you think you know or don't know at all where a New Englander is from let me tell you.

The states of Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut and Rhode Island make up New England.
New York likes to think they're part of New England.
They're not.
Not that I don't love the state, but they're the border state of New England.

There's a mindset that comes with being from the heart of our country's birth.
We're tough- you try settling in a new country and live through a winter farming in New England.
We're right.
Our sports teams are the best.
We can do pretty much everything by ourselves.
Did I mention we're right; therefore our way is right.

We think the south is lacking, we may live here and the sun may shine and life may be great but the south is the south and well the north is just better.
Our states have the best mountains, beaches, homes, land, views and schools.
We're kind of prideful.

I was reminded of all of these things on a recent trip "home", sitting between 2 New England natives on a flight from Orlando to Providence. We got talking about the differences in southern versus northern mindsets. I shared these words from a southern friend, she said, "you'll all (speaking of New Englanders) pretty dead set on your state and your ways being the best"
My fellow Jetblue passengers looked at me, shrugged their shoulders and said "well we are".
We all chuckled with a sense of pride knowing we in deed are of a superior breed of American.

Now I say all of this to let you in on a very humbling experience I had.
Three weeks ago a group of 30 or more students and adults acceded onto my house.
Mind you Steve and I are collectors of free stuff.
We have old wood doors and pallets, rare wood and beams in various piles around our house. The inside seems never completed as we're always redoing or building something, yet somehow never finishing it.

But WE intend to.
On our own, one day.

These students came to my home to bless me.
To start and or complete projects I have only dreamed of competing.
They weeded gardens, created new gardens, build tables and chairs, painted a room, mopped my floor, cleaned up my clutter and did my dishes.

Humbling,
especially for this New England girl,
who can do it by herself,
who doesn't need help; after all I use to shovel the whole driveway after a snow storm; okay so I only did that once but I did it.

Humbling.
See it doesn't matter where we're from.
What school we went to, what sports team we cheer for or what type of weather we live through.
One state is no better than another and beauty surrounds each and every one of us no matter where we step our feet.

We can all use help and love, even when it comes to things that don't really matter, like the color of my empty room or the plants that get planted in my flower bed.

That New England mindset doesn't dictate my thoughts and actions anymore, they kind of simmer on top like the fat floating on my pot roast. I really don't think we're a better breed and I am kind of partial to the Chicago Bulls, colleges are colleges and good ones exists in the south; so you can see that this New Englander has chilled out in her New England thinking; but there was still this sense of "I can do it by myself" when it came to my home.

The morning they came I nearly had an anxiety attack and I felt I should clean everything up before they came. I actually had to leave and be gone until the last 30 minutes of their time here.

I was blessed.

I felt a little freer, a little lighter,
as if my brothers and sisters in Christ had shared my burden and lightened my load.
It was humbling
but rewarding.

I feel like I so didn't deserve this make-over, that someone else could have benefited, I mean after all I could have done any of this by myself.

It's not about by myself.
It's about unity,
togetherness,
love,
giving,
sharing.
It's about grace. No I didn't deserve this, but I got it and I am so thrilled about it.

I am still learning on this path and journey I am on.
Learning to allow others to bless me, help me, love me.
learning to let go of my "I can do it by myself" attitude,
learning to just let God...

Now some pictures from the fabulous home makeover.

My front courtyard and newly added beds around fence

New outdoor farm table and hanging pallets for plants (completed pics to come)

Close up of table with built in succulent garden

Custom painted sign to the right of my front door

Dance Room, painted pink with scripture over where the mirrors will hang

Bunkbeds. We put these up after the room was painted. Great spot for grandkids to sleep over!

And that my friends is one story in the Humbling of a New Englander.

The Struggle with Tuesday Visitation

Tuesdays are the days when Aubry has her weekly visitation with her birth mom. The week leading up to this last week was hectic. Steve was gone for the majority of it and so when he returned on Monday night I was ready to crash. 
Getting up and going on Tuesday morning was not top on my list.

I texted Aubry's visitation supervisor to see if there was any news on birth mom.
I expressed that I would like to skip visitation if she wasn't going to be there, birth-mom had missed the last 3 visits, although the week prior I called because Aubry was sick and when I spoke to supervisor at visitation time that birth-mom wasn't even there nor had she heard from her-- I made the call and cancelled even though I was almost at the visitation spot and from what I saw upon driving by was no birth mom. Could she have shown up late? yes, but in reality it seems to me that if you get to see your child 1 day a week for 1 hour you'd be sitting on the doorstep before visitations even begins, anyway sorry for the rant. Back to my original point--if she wasn't going to show this week then I'd rather just skip the visit all together.

No such luck.

Apparently mom had been inquiring about the visit and so it was on.

That night was restless. 
Anxiety began to creep in again.
I had come to a peace with the visits months ago
...but then all of a sudden it got under my skin.

Not being sure exactly why, I rolled out of bed around 1am and sat on the sofa Bible in hand.

At first I began to read in the book of John but it was hard, uninteresting 
and my mind kept wandering, 
my thoughts pacing back and forth inside my head.
back and forth.
back and forth.

"Why can birth mom not show, not call, ignore calls and do whatever she wants yet I still have to drive Aubry to see her regardless."
"Why do I have to foot the food bill. diaper bill, lack of sleep bill."
"Why can birth-mom continue to show up late, not work and still inconvenience me"
"But I love this little girl and happily do all those thing"

My mind couldn't sit still.

"Who am I to say no to seeing her child"
"Who am I think I have it together"
"I just won't take her"
"I'll show up late"
"Pick her up early"
"I just won't take her"

Back and forth, 
back and forth 
like Aubry May on a swing.

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and cried out to God.
He heard.
He hears.

Then, I opened my Bible again, 
this time in preparation for my D-Team class on Sunday, that's Discipleship-Team or Sunday School; this week we are talking about Daniel 6 and 7.
Daniel 6:, some of you may know the story, it's of Daniel in the lion's den.
As I read I couldn't believe the words on the page. 
They jumped at me.
Grabbed a hold of me.
Shook me.

Daniel did what he had always done. He sought God, he obeyed God; even though he faced death in doing so- he still did it. It was a holy habit of prayer, a holy habit of obedience. He did the right thing. The God thing.

Another deep breath on my part.
I had to take Aubry that next morning.
It was what I agreed to do 15 months ago.
It was an obedience thing. Even though I foresee circumstances I don't like, I must walk by faith, I must continue on as I have in the past.
While Daniel's situation was far different than mine I read a similarity there.
An encouragement to seek God in prayer when times are tough and to do the right thing when I don't want to or when it doesn't make sense.

So visitation came and went. 
Aubry did fine. 
I did fine. 
Birth mom was there.

I haven't shared a bunch on here about Aubry and life surrounding her. Mostly because I want to protect her bio-parents but I can't do that. I try to be as respectful as I can but the facts are the facts and writing them down helps me process and I like to share my life on here as I have for the past 7 years. The details and the things I may think are happening or perceive as happening I will leave out.

I love this little girl and want the best for her.
So I lift her up to my Heavenly Father, 
her Heavenly Father: the King of the Universe.
And I will trust that the Ancient of Days sits on His throne watching everything, seeing everything right down to the heart level. And I trust He knows best, with that I rest in peace.

Merry Christmas Eve

Happy eve of the day of our Savior's birth.
As today comes to a close I look around,
all the presents are wrapped and under the tree.
The little ones are settled into their beds and I take a minute to think on the night Jesus was born.
In a manger.
Cold, perhaps.
A smelly place to be born
but what beauty must have shone in that place.

A beauty that came as a babe,
a beauty that already was.
A beauty, a baby, to grow into a man;
a man who knows my messed up self.
Knows my imperfections, my flaws, my shortcomings
and yet
chose me.
Loves me.
Loves you.

Tomorrow we'll wake to presents and paper,
pancakes and playing; 
I wonder, 
will I really remember Him.
Will I make tomorrow about Him?
Will my words, my actions, my heart be a reflection of Him?
That baby who grew into a man,
to live,
to die,              for mankind.
For me.

Holy Spirit, fill me, lead me, change me. -m

Aubs and I at Cheraw State Park, SC

Aubry's First B-Day

Aubry turned one on Sunday. We had a small party with her closest friends :)

That would be her family and her babysitters.

We opted to skip out on church since she had been sick all week and had been up for a nice 3 hour party in the middle of the night anyway.

When she did wake up I dressed her in her pre-party outfit.

A cute little outfit that Illana let her borrow with a brand new hair piece I got her off of Etsy.

 Aubry and I spent a chunk of time playing outside with the cats.

 Here she is following one under the chair.

Oh! She caught one. Toby is our biggest cat and when he is ready for some lovin' he is willing to let her hug and tug on him.

Inside was a different story. I made two banners for her the week and day of the party. One read "Hugs & Kisses" and the other "b-day wishes"

 She wore an ice cream dress and we made cupcakes in ice cream cones. She had both a golden butter cream cupcake and a chocolate one.

 Here's the best shot I got of her in her special birthday dress.

It was a good time. Her bio-mom showed up and I thought it went well. 

Only because of God's grace could I deal with the situation like I did.

A few of the guests, several actually, had a hard time seeing bio-mom with Aubry. They hurt for mom and the fact that she hadn't been a part of this precious ones life. 

Me? 

I felt indifferent. 

Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me in that I think "it is what it is".

Life is what is happening and I find it best to just do the next thing. To accept the here, the way things are and move on. God has a perfect Kingdom calendar, a perfect plan for my life and when things happen out of my control I find it best to just accept it and step forward.

Now don't get me wrong, sometimes I freak and scream and pitch a fit, but never did I wake up and think my life would take the turns it has taken. 

So when it came to the birthday party I did my best to include Aubry's bio-mom. For now the goal is reunification and I must do what I can on my part to cautiously make that transition the best for Aubry that it can be.

I love this little girl and I really don't want to let her go. She has a piece of my heart.

Who knows?

Who knows what tomorrow holds?

What is it for me to even speculate,

after all I'm ready for my Lord's return tonight.

Tomorrow may never come and when it does, 

when tomorrow comes and I am gone,

I will be forgotten, 

my life is like a flower in the field, the wind blows over it and it's place remembers it no more.

I do believe my Jesus footprint, however small, will carry on His love.

That's why I loved bio-mom yesterday.

That's why I do the next thing.

Hopefully it's the Jesus thing.

Following my Rabi,

He Is the Balm for My Heart

I just love this picture of her.

Classic Aubry.

Standing on something

and you know that something is not high enough in her eyes.

I love her in this chair because it's our chair.

Really, it's every body's chair because we all spend a lot of time sitting in it.

Personally I sit in it most often with her.

Aubry saw her mom last Thursday for the first time in over 7 months. I drove to the visitation cautiously, somewhat nervous, a little shakey but with a peace.

We had prayed for no separation anxiety on Aubry's part and our prayers were answered. She went to her mom with a little hesitation but looking at me she knew it was alright. 
I knew it was alright.
...then...
That was it, a few instructions and I walked away.
I drove around the corner crying. Not really because I was sad but because an end may very well be in sight. 
And I don't like that.
I mean it's what we've always expected, a healed mother is what we've prayed for; it's just I hurt thinking of letting go of this precious wonder.
We'll ease into the visits, wise council has offered wise advice.
Visits will be nothing like I would have wanted. No, why would they, how could this time of trust be simple?

I will drive her. I will drop her. I will pick her up.
I will face the hard truth.
The truth that my time, our time with Aubry living under our roof may very well have a closer ending date than I would like.

God knows best.
I trust her in His hands.
I trust her future, 
her influences, 
where she'll lay her head,
eat her meals,
and learn to live.
I trust the words spoken to her little ears and the things seen by her little eyes,
I trust it all to God. 

I hear from friends of similar situations. Babies raised and quickly gone.
Some to only come back again, others not.
Some with good stories,
others with bad.

I trust
but trusting doesn't mean easy,
it doesn't mean things will go as I wish,
or go with no pain.

I pray.
I trust.
I rest.

I cry out... He hears me in my agony.
I fall down... He sees me in my hurt.
I weep... He wipes away my tears.
I ache... He is the balm for my heart.

He is my Healer.
My Sanctifier.
My Redeemer.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...

Shalom,

The God I Serve

These two are so precious

I've been spending time in the book of Daniel and in the Psalms over the last weeks and I have been reminded of who the God is that I serve.

I serve a God who hears me.
A God who answers me.
A God who watches over me both now and forever.

While this is true for me this is also true for my children.

It's hard raising children.
H.A.R.D.-- HARD!
When they are babies it's a time thing,
holding, changing, dressing, soothing, carrying.
As they grow older they are still close just not with the same constant as the early years.
As pre-teens they begin to stretch their wings of independence,
soon they begin to smooth out their arrow, attach those feathers to it and eventually are released, soaring into the wind. 
A wind outside of my holding, changing, dressing, soothing and carrying.

There is no formula to parenting.
No formula to life really, outside of Jesus Christ.
I always thought if I did and A and B then my children would be C; it's just the natural progression of things.
I thought there was a formula.

I forgot about my God.
I forgot that when I look at the circumstances before me and I see them as sealed with the signet ring of my eyes, I forget that what I view as a situation unchangable, God sees it as an opportunity to show up.
To do the impossible, to preform rescues from lions dens and fiery furnaces.

Report cards,
jobs,
friendships,
college applications,
the "what are you gonna do with your life" question.
All can be lions dens.
All can paint bleak or hopeful futures,
all can fool the eyes, trick the heart.

For God does not look at life like we do.
No, He has an eternal perspective,
He knows the timeline of His Kingdom.
A Kingdom everlasting.

He changes seasons.
He sets up kings
and tears them down.
He functions so different than my natural tendency.

So today as I move forward in steps of obedience.
I desire to obey in belief.
To risk my own logical mind by trusting my God.

To believe that God is who he says He is and can do what he says He can do.
To decide to look back at the fact that "the LORD has done great things for us" and be "filled with joy".
Though parenting often has me "sow(ing) in tears" I know,
I know,
I know,
I will "reap with songs of joy".

Shalom friend,  


Psalm 120:1
I call on the name of the LORD in my distress, and he answers me.

Psalm 121:8
The LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

Psalm 127:4
Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are the sons born in one's youth

Daniel 6:17b
the king sealed it with his own signet ring... so that Daniel's situation might not be changed
Daniel 17:21b
"...They have not hurt me..."

Psalm 126:5
Those who sow in tears
will reap with songs of joy.

This is for the Sinners Out There

I had to dig up some of my testimony this last week. 
3 times.
You know the part of my story that is the worst, the skeleton in the closet type.
I had shared it before but it was different then.
And different now.
I was so reminded of God's loving kindness,
His forgiveness.
I shared without feeling sick in my stomach, like a loser, failure.

the man i don't deserve - my daily grace

No grace took care of that- grace forgave me.


God's love for me even though I took a stand and decided my way, my desire was more important than obeying God.
And then... 
that stand rocked my world, changed my world forever;
effected my marriage,
broke the heart of God, 
gave the "enemy of my soul" a gust of wind to fuel the coal bed of lies he tends in my head.


On my face I cry out to the Lord as Nehemiah did,

"We've treated you like dirt: We haven't done what you told us, haven't followed your commands, and haven't respected the decisions..."

I am comforted as I read the words of the Lord through Jeremiah

⁶ “‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security. ⁷ I will bring Judah and Israel back from captivity^[b] and will rebuild them as they were before. ⁸ I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me. ⁹ Then this city will bring me renown, joy, praise and honor before all nations on earth that hear of all the good things I do for it; and they will be in awe and will tremble at the abundant prosperity and peace I provide for it.’

What about you?
Feeling beat up?
Like a loser sinner?
Unworthy?
Take heart friend, you may have strayed, gone your own way, done your own thing but trust me when I say there is a Savior, the Savior
ready,
waiting,
to pull you from your pit,
bring health and healing to your life,
rebuild you,
and then...
use you to bring glory to Him.
So the whole earth can hear of all the good things God does for it.


You are the city Jeremiah spoke of.


You don't deserve any of this.
It is only through grace you get it


and only through grace you can pass it on.


Now some photo fun:

She is sweetness, a miracle

P.S. we are superheros

Confessions of a Heavy Chest

The anxiety sits high in my chest.
right below my collar bones.
there wasn't one particular thought that set it off
not that i can recall


failure...
loneliness...


today,
those are the two things that stir the heaviest within my skin


failure
i sat home all day today
while others had a full day of activities
laundry piles higher,
dishes take over the counter
floors need vacuuming
events with friends bypassed
i've failed


i lift my head long enough to take a breath
long enough to hug a baby, change her, feed her
another breath
i dress a child,
feed them,
instruct them-- but how do i instruct them?
who am i to instruct them?
who am i?


alone
i sit on this stone in my journey sometimes screaming silently for someone to care
really care
really talk


conversations revolve around my patio
or
someone elses patio
words talking about material things with no meaning
not about things of substance


i've poured into others
others have poured into me
but
right now
right here
all that seems like a lifetime ago


all that seems to be false
as if it didn't happen
as if i've always lived this lonely exsistence


i wanna reach for a thrill
grab at something to take this heavy away
to stop the churning deep within


so i reach for the one true
thing i know
God's Word
and the truth
that
lies within


I am reminded that God cares for me and I must cast my anxiety on Him, 1 Peter 5:7.
Reminded that He created me wonderfully, before the world even began, Psalm 139.


As I read through scripture I see that anxiety weighs me down but a good word makes me glad, Proverbs 12:25. That good word is the very Word of God.


God reminds me of practical things, of my friend who relieves me weekly from the responsibility of a 6 month old.
Or the friend who has stuck around the longest and who calls and texts and loves.
The dinners made.
The floors swept.
The I love yous and the thank yous.


I am reminded of the lies that weigh me down,
the lies that sit high in my chest,
heavy like the hammer of Thor,
unable to be removed expect by the King who is worthy to lift it.


Oh the lightness begins to sweep over me.
The joy of the Lord becomes my strength.
I have a new outlook.
I am ready to move again,
to handle my responsibilities with love.


To face another day,
another laundry pile,
or wash another drinking glass, or grocery shop,
change a diaper,
or take a verbal beating from a 4 year old.


Yes, Lord You truly are all You have said You are.
You are my hope.
You are my rock.
You are my joy,
my Savior.
Lover of my soul,
healer of my wounds.


Phew--- thanks for hanging in there as I work this whole thing out here on the pages of this blog.

Today

Today for a few minutes I wanted my old life back.


The baby crying, the preschool training.


I was tired and just thought, "I want my old life back"


But then I wondered...
what old life?
Which one?
Life changes so much, seasons coming and going.


No it's not my old life I need back it's an old perspective.
A perspective written many years ago,
penned by men who were inspired by the Holy Spirit to write the very Words of God.


Yes.
That is what I need,
Christ's perspective.


For this life;
this season.


Christ's strength to get me through.


Today:
today, I press on toward the goal,
running with perseverance and eyes to the sky.