Aubry's First B-Day

Aubry turned one on Sunday. We had a small party with her closest friends :)

That would be her family and her babysitters.

We opted to skip out on church since she had been sick all week and had been up for a nice 3 hour party in the middle of the night anyway.

When she did wake up I dressed her in her pre-party outfit.

A cute little outfit that Illana let her borrow with a brand new hair piece I got her off of Etsy.

 Aubry and I spent a chunk of time playing outside with the cats.

 Here she is following one under the chair.

Oh! She caught one. Toby is our biggest cat and when he is ready for some lovin' he is willing to let her hug and tug on him.

Inside was a different story. I made two banners for her the week and day of the party. One read "Hugs & Kisses" and the other "b-day wishes"

 She wore an ice cream dress and we made cupcakes in ice cream cones. She had both a golden butter cream cupcake and a chocolate one.

 Here's the best shot I got of her in her special birthday dress.

It was a good time. Her bio-mom showed up and I thought it went well. 

Only because of God's grace could I deal with the situation like I did.

A few of the guests, several actually, had a hard time seeing bio-mom with Aubry. They hurt for mom and the fact that she hadn't been a part of this precious ones life. 

Me? 

I felt indifferent. 

Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me in that I think "it is what it is".

Life is what is happening and I find it best to just do the next thing. To accept the here, the way things are and move on. God has a perfect Kingdom calendar, a perfect plan for my life and when things happen out of my control I find it best to just accept it and step forward.

Now don't get me wrong, sometimes I freak and scream and pitch a fit, but never did I wake up and think my life would take the turns it has taken. 

So when it came to the birthday party I did my best to include Aubry's bio-mom. For now the goal is reunification and I must do what I can on my part to cautiously make that transition the best for Aubry that it can be.

I love this little girl and I really don't want to let her go. She has a piece of my heart.

Who knows?

Who knows what tomorrow holds?

What is it for me to even speculate,

after all I'm ready for my Lord's return tonight.

Tomorrow may never come and when it does, 

when tomorrow comes and I am gone,

I will be forgotten, 

my life is like a flower in the field, the wind blows over it and it's place remembers it no more.

I do believe my Jesus footprint, however small, will carry on His love.

That's why I loved bio-mom yesterday.

That's why I do the next thing.

Hopefully it's the Jesus thing.

Following my Rabi,

And Then There Were Seven

Court was today.


The date had been set since the kids came to live with us back in November 2011.


Actually, I take that back, today was not the original date, but when it comes to court dates I've learned they can change on a dime.


I find myself going to bed tonight with 2 less people in the house.
The older two kids have gone, little Aubry is still here.
I knew it would happen this way.
Just as quick as they came,
they left.


While they will be missed our home rejoices.
Rejoices for reunification with parents, 
rejoices for some sense of normalicy here at our home.
Although what is normal?
Does normal ever "set in" or does life continue to change,
each day,
each week,
each year bringing a different wind.


I've been stretched a lot these last 8 months.
I've grown.
I've seen a side of my heart I never knew existed.
I've laughed, cried, been confused, heard clarity.
I've gone with little to no sleep, learned to cook for 9 on a budget.
I've spoken out of turn, spoken in turn.
I've said the truth, wished I'd said the truth.
I've experienced life with a pre-teen girl, a first since I was one;
and I was reminded of how much fun 4-year-old boys are. Especially ones who like superheros.


So tonight I rest my head for the first time in my new normal.
I embrace it with an open mind, 
an open heart and...
with no expectations (at least for now).


I hope you all are having as peaceful a night as I am, resting in the knowledge of today being just the day ordained for you and with the hope of a tomorrow filled with a new adventure all it's own.


Now if I can just stop getting irritated with my son's cough... oh the juggling of life, 
peaceful and tranquil then irritated as all get loose. Bless his little heart.
Happy day to you all.

Aubry's evolving smile

Peace out--

Just a Post

I took in these 3 extra kids 6 months because I knew God was calling me/us to do so.
I believe Steve and I were being obedient to God's call on our lives.

I've been called crazy.
Told I ruined my life and career, if that's what you can call my 18 months as a bridal consultant.
I've been criticised,
misunderstood.
I've made mistakes, said things better left unsaid.
I cooked enough food to feed a small army,
went without.

I've felt so full of energy and love,
I've been exhausted and wanted to give up.

I've tried my best to really look to God through all of this and just keep on.
As the time with the older kids comes to an end (looks like reunification will occur before school begin s in the fall) Steve and I both wonder what more can come from this experience.
Are we called to be foster parents?
to adopt?

For now I am simply trying to rely on my Savior to guide me,
looking to Him to help me live fully for Him.

Recently a few blogs and books have come across my path and got my mind thinking. 7 by Jen Hatmaker has me thinking the most. Live simple. Live with less excess. How would this look at the Span Ranch.

I'll keep you posted.

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,
Hi, it's me, Aubry May. I turned 6 months the other day and I thought you may like to know what I am up to.
I like to eat bananas right from the peel, Aunt Michelle cuts the end of the banana off and scoops it out- yum, yum.
I also eat oatmeal. Green beans make me puke.
I am a great kicker and stretcher. Aunty and Uncle say I will either be a swimmer or a biker, my legs can get going a hundred miles a minute.
I am fussy.
I really just like to be held all the time and since I can't yet say words I just fuss.
Although last week I started to hang out for a little moring time in my crib.
Auntie likes that.
Speaking of my crib, I have a new banner over it, it says my name. It's pink, with flowers and so cute.
Thanks mom for an odd letered name, it makes the banner hang so cute.
Aunt Michelle also cut down a large, regular size bumper to fit my smaller condo size crib.
That's right I didn't have a bumper gaurd all these months however Aunty didn't like that sometimes my legs or arms would hang out the sides.
I really love living with all my cousins.
I wear size 3 diapers and 9-12 months clothing.
I know that you thought of me on Mother's Day adn that you miss me very much.
I wish I could say I missed you but really I don't know you; but maybe one day I will know you. I know that you love me, and dad too and if I was old enough to understand prayer I hope I would pray for you.
I'm sure there are other things I do that you would like to know but I'm only 6 months old and I'd much rather play with my dolly, a package of baby wipes or crinkle up some paper.


Oh and one last thing, pray for me. Auntie says I am a miracle from God, that he has something special in store for me. That I was chosen by Him to do good works.
I want to do those good works.
I want to share the goodness of God in my life to others.
Thanks for having me mom. I love you for that.
-Aubry

Christ Is Risen

He is risen indeed!!

From our family to yours...

 5 generations

Pushed to Love

Wow, has it really been since Monday that I posted?


This week went by quick,
this month for that matter.


Today we visited a local festival, rode rides, got tons of free stuff from local businesses and just enjoyed a nice morning out and about.


The kids did good.
It was me, 16-year-old, 10-year-old, 4-year-old and baby girl :)


I think one of the toughest parts about having foster kids, for lack of a better term, is the difference in parenting styles.
Not saying one way is better, just different.
I am also reminded of how hard this period is in the lives of these children.


As foster parents, we get blamed for the removal from their home; so often I am told I am not nice or it has been said by the 4-year-old that he wishes good for everyone but me; and usually this all comes after making him carry his own beach toys or eat his veggies. So public events can certainly be a challenge.


Days like today, when we visit a public event, I am ever so reminded of the differences in parenting.


We rarely took our kids to festivals,
well not really ones with rides and amusements; 
free music or art festivals we frequented,
but... and if you  know me this won't surprise you,
the commercialized, spend-a-ton-of-money, eat-a-bunch-of-super-yummy-crap type of event isn't exactly what we do, or did. So perhaps my parenting at these events is just not practiced enough.


Anyway, today I was reminded that not all parents tell their kids no to squirt games, 
or no to buying more ride tickets or all you can ride bracelets,
not all parents make their kids carry their own stuff,
or say no to sodas,
not everyone packs their own snacks and water to these type of events. 
No, not all parents stop and talk to friends at every other booth,
or literally stop to smell the flowers,
or watch a bug crawl,
or say yes to getting wet in the sprinkler, while fully dressed, in a public place,
reminded that not all kids have been allowed to wear 2 different shoes out and about.


But today was good.
We meshed well today, the "extras" and I.
I mean- I was told that I was not nice and that the day was not fun after telling said 4-year-old no I wouldn't carry him; but it was a good day.


So now Saturday night is upon us and I wait patiently for my sweet, handsome hubby to come home.


As I wait and type I am reminded that our differences, in parenting or just in life, can drive us to hate,
or push us to love.


Hate can pull hard, but I am choosing to let love push me even harder, perhaps even push me down, flat on my face.


I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your weekend and if you are local, check out the Edgewater Festival this weekend,
and gosh darnit buy your kids ride tickets- yolo.


Peace, love and Jesus,


I probably should put the disclaimer in that while we did not frequent traveling amusement rides, my 18-year-old has never been to a fair, we did frequent theme parks- due to my roller coaster and "Mouse' obsession my family knows the Orlando theme park scene like the back of their hand. Darn "the man" and his pull on my wallet, and time.