He Is the Balm for My Heart

I just love this picture of her.

Classic Aubry.

Standing on something

and you know that something is not high enough in her eyes.

I love her in this chair because it's our chair.

Really, it's every body's chair because we all spend a lot of time sitting in it.

Personally I sit in it most often with her.

Aubry saw her mom last Thursday for the first time in over 7 months. I drove to the visitation cautiously, somewhat nervous, a little shakey but with a peace.

We had prayed for no separation anxiety on Aubry's part and our prayers were answered. She went to her mom with a little hesitation but looking at me she knew it was alright. 
I knew it was alright.
...then...
That was it, a few instructions and I walked away.
I drove around the corner crying. Not really because I was sad but because an end may very well be in sight. 
And I don't like that.
I mean it's what we've always expected, a healed mother is what we've prayed for; it's just I hurt thinking of letting go of this precious wonder.
We'll ease into the visits, wise council has offered wise advice.
Visits will be nothing like I would have wanted. No, why would they, how could this time of trust be simple?

I will drive her. I will drop her. I will pick her up.
I will face the hard truth.
The truth that my time, our time with Aubry living under our roof may very well have a closer ending date than I would like.

God knows best.
I trust her in His hands.
I trust her future, 
her influences, 
where she'll lay her head,
eat her meals,
and learn to live.
I trust the words spoken to her little ears and the things seen by her little eyes,
I trust it all to God. 

I hear from friends of similar situations. Babies raised and quickly gone.
Some to only come back again, others not.
Some with good stories,
others with bad.

I trust
but trusting doesn't mean easy,
it doesn't mean things will go as I wish,
or go with no pain.

I pray.
I trust.
I rest.

I cry out... He hears me in my agony.
I fall down... He sees me in my hurt.
I weep... He wipes away my tears.
I ache... He is the balm for my heart.

He is my Healer.
My Sanctifier.
My Redeemer.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus...

Shalom,