Parenting Teens

Part of my job ends up being advice giving, and advice beyond what color bridesmaids dresses to wear or what veil to pair with the dress.
Especially when blended families come in and middle to high school age girls are required to wear a dress for a wedding.

While wearing a dress to some girls seems like a dream come true, to others it is a nightmare.

That is where I find advice giving and be at it's highest.

So based on an experience last night I've compiled a few tips I have on raising teenagers, and please by no means do I claim to "get" this whole parenting thing.

- let them vent, and by let I mean keep your mouth shut and don't argue back and by vent I mean say things that are completely crazy, make no sense and can be mean - teenagers are not in their right mind at times and I've learned if I've done a somewhat decent job at apologizing and taking responsibility for my own actions they will eventually come around and do the same, eventually

- take responsibility for your own actions, as a parent if I curse- catch my behavior, apologize, express the challenge of making good choices and move on. If we yell or gossip, lie or say something not nice- same thing: take responsibility for our own actions as parents. Perfect people, no- and our kids know that above anyone else what we struggle with, well that is if we live real and authentic in front of them.

- love them. It's sometimes the hardest thing to do but when they pull an attitude, say mean things about others, themselves, their situation or us: just love them, trust me loving and patience with them will pay off because as soon as their hormones get back into some sort of balance you'll recognize the child you once knew.

-Be there #1 fan, be on their team.

-Pick your battles. Is it worth a huge family argument to have a certain haircut? or wear a certain style of clothing? or a question I ask brides at work: "You have to decide if it's worth it to argue over what dress they wear. In 20 years will it even matter?""

-Love them how they are. For who they are. It may be different than you but it's them and embrace that, learn from that and above all enjoy that! We all are unique and learning to love and enjoy that uniqueness is part of life with others and life with the ones we call our children, even if they are hormonal teenagers who know everything, know you know nothing and all the while eat your food, use your gas and trample dirt all over your floors.

So there it is a few tips I have on parenting these people we call teens.I am by no means a parenting expert nor does my name sit on a top 10 parent list.
But I love my kids. Tons.
I have a 17 year old who I think enjoys my company and a 15 year old who recently named his father and I as the two people he loves and trusts the most in this world (parents of elementary kids may not get this but as a parent of a teen it speaks massive volumes to my heart)

So enjoy your teen, one day they'll be gone and you'll miss them.
I promise.

Letting Go

"I'm letting go of the life I've planned for me (and my kids).
I'm loosing control of my destiny"

Those are the words to a song I've heard played on the local Christian radio station.
I like the song, it's message is good and I sing the words like I mean them and believe them, BUT, yes there is always a big but in there, and no we're not talking about the big butts that come from eating too many Magic Cookie Bars; no the but I am referring to is the thought of do I really believe those lyrics.
Do I live my days like one who is not in control of her destiny, or that of her children?

Having teenagers is like no other experience in the parenting journey, then again what part of parenting is NOT fresh, new and full of challenges? I have the privilege of having a newborn in the house reminding me of those challenges.
Anyway... back to my teenagers and the reason for this post.

My boys are different, cut from the same cloth but somehow very different.
Very.
Yet somehow in my head I have/had a similar plan for their lives.
A plan I think we all have for our children, a plan perhaps we've been brainwashed into thinking is the way to go.

I have always planned and imagined my boys leaving home, moving into a dorm room and completing 4 years of college at a university in New England; OK so I learned to waiver on the New England part, but the rest, well it's just what I thought was the right thing to do, the best thing.

As Vaughan's senior year approaches and as the days tick by reminding me he will soon be the father of a 4, then 5 then 6 month old I am reminded that his dorms days are no more; as if they actually were in existence- oh to be in my head; and that a 4 year university in New England or anywhere else may not be the best choice for him.
Perhaps not the best plan.

I've come up with an alternate plan in my head but I dare not even type it, because, well quite frankly I am holding it with an open hand for "I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own [nor that of his mother']; it is not for man [or his mom] to direct his steps." Jeremiah 10:23 parenthesis mine.

So today I am lying on the threshing floor at the feet of my Redeemer trusting He knows best, I am letting go.

Oh but I have 2 children.
Justin is my free spirit, my musician, my march to a different beat kind of kid.

School to him gets in the way of writing and playing music.
If I do not stay on top of him every week in his schoolwork something happens; I'm not sure exactly what, because it varies week to week, but somehow, someway he forgets or misses some bit of very important news.

So recently when I mentioned to Steve that it will take a lot of work keeping Justin's GPA high enough for the FL Bright Future Scholarship, he replied with a "I'm not sure if Justin really intends on going to college".
OK- stop right there.
I know this fact but it hit me- he's right. What am I fussing about?
Sure I'd like to see a music degree for Justin- but after high school he'll be free to do what he wants, and if college is not what he wants, why make him go. Why rag on him about going? It's as if somewhere in my being I just think he has to go to college.
I guess I have fallen prey to what the world says.

For Justin I find myself again lying on the threshing room floor trusting that "A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How can anyone understand his own way." Proverbs 20:24
For Justin, I will still help him succeed in high school but the rest of it-- I'm letting go.

So perhaps you needed a reminder to let things go from the hand and minds of your human agenda into the plan of an Almighty God.

"The Lord works out everything for his own ends." Proverbs 16:4a

Welcome

Welcome to bedroom of a 14-year old being raised by conservative hippie parents.
As you can see we're not real picky about how our kids maintain their rooms.
Now I do make him clean it and perhaps I am not a stickler enough for some of you but it is how our family works.
Hmm.... although parenting a 16-year old who is married and having a child makes a parent wonder if they weren't strict enough?
My conclusion on the whole thing is this: it is what it is.
I can only press on through this sanctification process.
I have a great relationship with my children,
they are my family,
my BFF's.
I have the honor of peacefully doing life with them in the name of Jesus.
With that said: welcome 14-year-old's creative bedroom:Snoopy and Nirvana:

Microphone:

Amp: I'm pretty sure my friend's 6-year-old drew this:

And to think I always wanted my kids bedroom to look like it was right out of a catalog or magazine, then reality and personality hit!

Detroit posts to come.

*sigh

Mothering /parenting two teenagers is tiring.

Constantly second guessing my past and current decisions.
Doubting.
Scared I'll get found out as a horrible parent.

Struggling to hold on but not smother, to left go but keep close.
Fighting the urge to make rules and scared to death to set boundaries.
Anxiety, tears, peace.

Prayerfully covering each time they leave my front door.
A torn-up, stretched, growing heart.
They are my favorite people on this planet, no doubt about that.

Trusting.
Trusting in a new way.
Ahh, sweet relief.
Thank you Jesus.

Youth Sunday

Vaughan spoke at church on Sunday. It was an amazing time.
Nuff said.

To listen go here.

This is About Teenage Boys

My boys are great about putting the dishes away.
They've been doing this for most of their life.

It's pretty easy: when the dishwasher is clean,
or dishes in the sink are dry (for the no-dishwasher houses) the boys rotate top and bottom and put them away.

OK, so this has been going on for YEARS! Dishes getting put away each time in their proper spot.
Not anymore.

I have been missing my small white cutting board for over a week now?

No one seems to know where it is or can remember where they put it away? Spatulas and baking dishes are the most misplaced items.
I'm convinced it's the teenage brain and the effect of hormones on it.

For those of you with little ones you're time is coming, hold on- it's a ride;
but, let me tell you a secret,
having teenagers is fun!

Well off to make some granola- yummy.

Peace, love and write a handwritten letter today,
-Michelle