Refraining the Embrace

What you do not know about my recently life is that I have been painfully thinking about whether I will travel to Detroit with our high school students on our summer mission trip.

Painful.

Yes, decisions can be like this, with my heart pulling one direction and mind another. The pros and cons equaling out.

It's never been much of a decision in the past.

I love students,

I serve students all year long, 

so travelling with them on their summer mission trip is just what we do.

Until,

life happens.

Until...

I have a 20 month old,

and court dates

and possible major life changes occurring.

Sometimes when you can't see what lies ahead it can make a decision like going on a mission trip really, really painful.

So, I spent some time in serious fasting and prayer, sought wise counsel and made the decision yesterday to NOT go to Detroit this summer.

Boo---

:(

i know, get your tissues out

When I sent the text making my no-go final, my heart was at peace

and

my mind felt a weight lifted;

a weight I didn't realize I was even carrying around.

And I smiled, really big.

Cause as happy as I am in the picture above, I am just as happy now.

Trust me I don't wanna be happy about this,

I love Detroit.

The people,

the sights, the stories.

I love watching God move in hearts and grow students and adults alike.

I like the community of believers;

yep I said it, I like the community and fellowship I get to experience while sleeping and eating and playing in conditions less than perfect.

Most of all I think I'll miss this:

Driving a bunch of kids around, music blaring, hands waving-- yeah I'm gonna miss that.

A. Lot.

I'll miss saying "I'll see ya tomorrow" and "what'd you learn at Big A?"

I'll miss the car conversations with teens and the hugs from pre-teens.

I'll miss their smiles and their attitudes.

I'll straight up miss the kids.

And then there's her----

Lord willing I'll see her graduate this year and for that I am thankful; because of that it makes my Detroit Mission "no-go" decision easier.

I'll miss him---

but again Lord willing I'll see him soon.

And hug him. And snuggle, cause that what we've done since he was 2.

But one summer in the drop of a bucket of dozens of summers is nothing.

For I'll go back.

I plan to go back.

I better go back.

"For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven...

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing"

-Ecclesiastes 3:1,5b

For me this summer it is a time to embrace my family, my children and my home 

a time to refrain from embracing my "norm".

I already miss my week in Detroit.

Peace to all as I have peace,