Thus Far

2 Hours and 40 Minutes

2012-02-08T14:52:00.000-05:00

Today I decided to sit in bed most of the day.
My morning was taken up with a WIC appointment,
then I ate lunch,
took a shower,
and then I grabbed the baby and crawled back into bed.

She was fussy yesterday evening,
and again before lunch today.
Sarah put her down for her nap and then when she woke up I decided this precious, little, stuffy nosed 3 month old needed some serious one-on-one for a while.

No crafting,
no painting,
no getting frustrated with finding stencils for this project,
no dishes, no laundry.

Nope. Instead I have sat here on Steve's side of the bed for the past 2 hour and 40 minutes
and
I may just sit right here again for the next 2 hours and 40 minutes.

Love that he can help on days like today

Steve had the time today (self-employment beni) to do all the school pick-ups, so glad I home schooled for this school pick up issue alone- 3 kids in 3 schools lends to a fun time for the better part of an hour and a half.
Steve was also able to drop the kids at visitation.

It is Wednesday, their visitation day.

I gotta be honest I am a little drained internally.
With questions and concerns about more visitation for the kids with their parents and what that looks like for me I feel tired without lifting a finger.

Speaking of lifting a finger, I need to lift a leg, and arm or something.
I need to exercise, drop some pounds and get into shape.
I just can't get motivated.
Any tips on what works for you to get you motivated to exercise?

Go ahead hit me up cause I'll be sitting here with my laptop, a sleeping baby watching Dog the Bounty Hunter for the next 2 hours and 40 minutes ;)

I Think Today is Monday, but I Could be Wrong

2012-02-06T19:39:00.003-05:00

I so wish I could write more about my day to day,
all it's ins and outs,
ups AND downs;

the conversations,
the funny sayings,
the frustrations.

But...
I happen to be living this day to day, these ins and outs.
I ride the ups AND downs, screaming, laughing, praying all the ride long.
I listen to conversations, with 9 of us in the house there can be a whole lot of conversation.
My 4-year-old nephew says the funniest things ~~sometimes~~ most of the time, that kid is gifted with words Lord may he use them for YOU.
and
I get frustrated
frustrated that I have horrible hair some days,
frustrated that no matter how many dishes I do there are always more to do,
frustrated that my thighs are revolting against my shorts,
frustrated that I am having to
live with,
deal with
and "parent" the aftermath of others stupid decisions.
Frustrated that there is not enough $ in the budget or time in the day to surf Pinterest and do ALL the fun projects I see and bake ALL the yummy stuff I see.

However, never fear...
I did get a chance to sit down tonight to type this, and add some fun fonts I might add,
all this even though...
I'd much rather be working on this Pinterest project I did seem to find the time to start.

But as for those days I want to journal...

I am thrilled that my mornings ~~always start~~ hopefully on a really good day start with this:

And I am super blessed to have this precious little lady sprinkled throughout my whole day:

So until I blog again, most likely in a few days, you can find me taxing around in my '99 Deville, trying to soften these dry, wrinkled hands and ~~feed the family~~ convince Sarah to feed the family healthy all along the way.

Peace to you all

and

do the hard thing: love someone you'd rather tell off,

Family Night- Groundhog Day

2012-01-29T14:47:00.003-05:00

So... this Thursday, our curret Family Night night, is Groundhog Day. I have started to gather info for a Groundhog themed night and I thought I'd share with you all so you can join in the fun.

I don't have all the details worked out but will update this as I iron them out over the next couple days. Please share any ideas you have and if you decide to do something Groundhog Day themed be sure to link back here.

Pre-planning
Food:
Drinks-
hot cocoa

Appetizer-

Main dish-
individual chicken pot pies, I see a Groundhog Day connection here
or
hot dogs, cresent rolls and cheese: cut hot dog and have it sticking out of cresent roll with cheese sprinkled around the base, not sure yet but I will use something for eyes and ears on the hot dog

Dessert-
Groundhog Cupcakes
or
this groudhog dessert

Fun and Games-
Pop-up groundhog craft
groundhog finger puppets

Family Night- Bowling Night

2012-01-27T09:00:00.000-05:00

Bowling Night!

Pretty easy to see what the theme was. I had fun with the food on this one. Since everyone loves fruit I made the appetizers from last weeks leftover fruit dip, grapes, bananas and peel apart Twizzlers. I cut small pieces of cardboard down for the lane and covered them with tin foil.

Since my niece was not here to help with the creative decor I made the sign greeting all who entered.

Here is what it said:

SB2 Bowling Alley, a combo of our last names, 1 "S" and 2 "B's", so it became SB squared.

Here is the "Snack Bar" area:

We ate at small tables, bowling alley style.

I wish I could say we all bowled and it was a blast; however it was a blast with only Taylor, Nik and I bowling. Steve held the baby and put her to sleep while Vaughan and Sarah gave Illana her bed and to bed. Justin didn't want to bowl (he is still embarrassed by my Family Night dinners, he says we should just sit at a table like a normal family-- life with a teenager??), and his friend ended up on the phone with his friend that is a girl.

We played some 80's Pop Music via Pandora to set the mood and in about and hour and a half we called it a wrap
So that was our Bowling Theme Family Night.
Fun!
Now the clean-up is done, the house is back to being a house and all are sleeping in bed.
Come back next week to see another of our Family Nights; Lord willing we do one and please share your own family nights.
Enjoying the family-Michelle

Pre-planning
Food:
Drinks-
root beer and cream soda in bottles with straws

Appetizer-
~~cantaloupe balls with blueberries~~
grapes and banana sticks

Main dish-
sweet and sour meatballs, rice and carrots

Dessert-
~~bowling ball cupcakes~~
leftover sweets

Fun and Games-
real life play bowling in house
Wii bowling

Decor-
areas of house labeled: snack bar, restrooms, lanes
signs that say: "no food beyond this point", "bowling shoes only"
signs hanging from ceiling above bar area "Snack Bar"
80's Pop music via Pandora

Last Sunday

2012-01-26T10:38:00.005-05:00

Steve and I were blessed to have the opportunity to get away this last weekend and head to the Bahamas. Crazy I know, but living in Florida means the Bahamas are not far away, making a weekend trip possible. We cruised out of Port Canaveral and this morning between doctors appointments and bottle feedings I have a moment to share what our Sunday looked like.

After sleeping in and having room service delivered to our room we made our way to Coco Cay and took our first nap here:

After eating lunch we went on a 1-mile Nature Trail hike...

...and ended up at the far end of the island here:

On our way back we found ourselves taking another nap here:

And finally back on the ship we took yet anther nap and then ordered room service.

I love room service.

So now it is back to school, taxi cab driving, home work, school projects, dishes, cooking, cleaning, laundry, late night feedings, butt wipings and all that makes my day worth waking up to.

Now if I could only find a way to live on that island and nap every day with the beautiful waters of the Caribbean sparkling at me.

Family Night - Island Night

2012-01-20T05:00:00.000-05:00

One night a week

to celebrate each other.

To celebrate our family.

This week we chose a island/beach theme.
I've listed the prep work below the post. My goal is to spend under $10, have yummy food, a fun game or two and most importantly to laugh and enjoy one another.

We all dressed the part, island clothing it was!

We ended our night with limbo fun and dancing to Cotton Eyed Joe!

Join the fun, leave a comment and share your Family Night.
Celebrate the people in your life!

for those who care:
Pre-planning
Food:
Drinks-
pink lemoade and tea with umbrellas

Appetizer-
fruit kabobs: pineapple, blueberries, grape, watermelon, strawberry with coconut dip

Main dish-
chicken or pork teriyaki kabobs with green pepers, tomatos and lime rice

Dessert-
Blue "Ocean" jello with gummy fish and crushed graham cracker "sand"
pineapple cake

Fun and Games-
balloon volleyball
limbo

Wednesdays Are Rough

2012-01-18T23:18:00.002-05:00

Wednesdays are rough.
As rough as Sundays? I don't know, but Wednesdays I know, are rough.
I've stayed away from the subject of visitation between the kids and their moms, but today I share.

It's hard.
It's hard to not blurt out why they are living in our home.
It's hard to see a pattern of behavior after visits with mom.
It's hard to not say mean things about mom when they walk through the door with a hand full of junk food and a pocket full of cash.
It's hard as they pass over the thresh hold of our home that the one hour of visitation digs in to their souls and the challenge of our boundaries sets in once again.

The attitude,
the tears,
the meanness,
the anger,
frustration,
exhaustion.

The collapsing on the floor,
the bed
or
perhaps
it's not collapasing
but silliness.
A release of the soul.

Time heals.
It takes a few hours and the kids settle back in to whatever kind of normal we have around here.
God is good like that.
He heals.
He binds up the brokenhearted,
He sets free the captives.

My heart breaks for all involved.
It doesn't have to be this way.

But sin has crept in.
Satan has gotten his foothold.
Lies.
Deceit.
Selfishness.
They swirl around this situation choking out anyone not aware of this trap set by the enemy of our soul.
May we stay aware Lord.
May we not slumber.

Our enemy is blood hungry.
A lion, looking to devour.

At times I think he is sitting their licking the bones of these mothers while they squirm around trying to escape; unwilling to reach out their hand to their Rescuer.

Their Savior, Hope and Abba Father.

My heart breaks.
Hurts.
Makes me ill.

I look up.
I have to.
I look to the joy in this bleak situation.
I look to the beauty in the red, orange and blue sun setting sky,
the flocks of birds scattered around the yard, enjoying the warmth.
I see joy in the sounds of giggling,
laughing.
I see joy in the feet of my mother and 10-year-old dancing, while granddaughter watches in awe.

A crying baby,
the joy of breath.

Dirty feet, messy hair, paint smudged clothing and chocolate mustaches; at those moments what could be better? Life has just been lived.

So Wednesdays are hard,
but I don't mind them.

God knows what He's doing and I am to be obedient in what He does along this path of mine.
As I walk with Him.
For now.
For this Wednesday,
it is visitation,
it is hard.
It is joy.
I rejoice.

Head Knowledge to Heart Knowledge

2012-01-15T23:52:00.000-05:00

So it all started with a wet jack-in-the-box in Illana's room.
Then it spread to a wet package of diapers,
wet carpet,
soaked carpet padding,
next it moved into the bathroom.
Tile removed,
more tile removed,
the caulking came out and now there is talk of dry wall being removed.
I hate to hear that.

Especially since we recently, last week, spent our" extra" money on a fun getaway for Steve and I; and then this morning the car "Check Engine Soon" light came on. Oh and did I mention the emergency fund has already been spent on, well emergencies.

How thankful I am to be married to a carpenter.

As this evenings events began to unfold I began to pray.
Steve doesn't have a bunch of work lined up right now so my prayers were for financial provision. With all the extra kids we've had lots of money going out and not much coming in. While state aid and child support is suppose to happen, it hasn't.

My first prayers were also for the problem to be minor, for Steve to locate the source and for the rest of the family to be at peace.

Then began the small struggle in my head between worry and peace.
Worry.
Peace.
Worry.
Peace.

As I was talking to Vaughan we recalled that God has never allowed us to go without a vehicle and how blessed we are to have 2 bathrooms.

Christ says He will provide for us.
He is our peace.
The waves of this current situation can seem big and monstrous
or
they can be what they are:
just the right size.

This is what God has for us right now.
So who am I to worry?
Who am I to be frustrated or bummed?

No, I will be at peace.
I will trust Jesus.
I will allow the truth of Christ to travel from my head to my heart.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 14:27

2012-01-15T16:45:00.000-05:00

2011 Survey- I don't think it's too late

2012-01-15T15:10:00.002-05:00

Half way through January 2012, is it too late to do a 2011 survey?
I saw this on Rage Against the Minivan and thought it was such a great idea. Thanks, Kristen.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
saw the Pacific Ocean, visited Alaska, hiked in Yosemite NP, the giant sequoias

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't really have any

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My sister-in-law had a baby in November

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No

5. What countries did you visit?
Just the USA and a lot of it

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A more faithful prayer life

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 23, 2011- a personal, life changing night
11-11-11 it was the day my niece was born and I was given the opportunity to care for her (which I chose to do)

8. What was your biggest achievement for the year?
Steve and I coming to a new place in our marriage and relationship

9. What was your biggest failure?
opening my mouth when I should have just listened

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I did not but Steve broke his ribs and Vaughan dislocated his shoulder

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Wii

12. Where did most of your money go?
vacations/trips

13. What did you get really excited about?
visiting my cousin in Alaska and seeing Yosemite with Steve

14. What song will always remind you of 2011?
"The Time" -Black Eyed Peas

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
-Happier or sadder?
happier
-Thinner or fatter?
fatter, by just a little
-Richer or poorer?
same

16. What do you wish you'd done more of?
gardening, praying

17. What do you wish you'd done less of?
internet

18. How did you spend Christmas?
home with our new extended temporary family, opened presents, ate pancakes and then went to see The Chipmunks

19. What was your favorite TV program?
Storage Wars and Burn Notice- both on Netflix

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
True Grit was the only book I read, sad

21. What was your favorite music this year?
Carlos Whittaker

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
True Grit, Sherlock Holmes

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 37, Steve and I went to Bush Gardens and ate dinner at the hard Rock

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
hmm.. a more faithful prayer life

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
jeans and brown boots

26. What kept you sane?
God's Word, my friend Katie

27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I learned that God is not only in control of everything but that all things happen in His time. That prayer and giving hearts desires up to God will produce results in His time. I learned that even when I think I have found peace in my current life situation it may not be the place I will remain. I was also reminded that focusing on my marriage is by far the most important relationship to focus on.

The Struggle of Balance

2012-01-14T17:50:00.002-05:00

OK, so I survived this last week;
and without a whole lot of headaches,
no major bumps.

However; I did have a moment when I thought: this is out of control.
We are not,
I mean I am not staying on top of my duties.

I've been slacking.
Sleeping a little too much,
relaxing a little too much,
neglecting my household duties a little too much.

Then I remember how much I prefer to focus on relationships over dishes and vacuuming,
how reading and laughing,
playing and coloring
always trump laundry folding and sweeping.

Yet I still feel like I need to bump up on my game here at home.
Get a little more scheduled.
Follow some FlyLady,
participate in some Meal Planning
and set up some daily habits.

I'd also like to add some fun Family Nights to the mix, the kind I use to see on Whittaker Woman's blog. She no longer had her posts up so I will have to come up with ideas from memory.

Do you have any websites to help me in any of the above?
Any ideas you may have?

Oh and thanks for the baby advice a few days back- she kind of naturally began to settle in to a routine and fuss a little less, poop a little more and sleep a little longer- although 3 hours is still a short time for me at night.
Keep your ideas coming.

End of Week

2012-01-13T14:01:00.000-05:00

Really just a picture update.

We finished the new room and Nik is officially moved in. Bed, dresser, toys and workout equipment.

Next is Lexi's room.

She'll have a cute little hideaway, small and cozy.

Her own space.

I will post pictures soon.

In the meantime here I am with Baby Aubry, aka Little One- I think it's safe to use her real name now; and Illana.

Until Nik had his own room we set up the old TV in the laundry room so he could have a place to get away and be quiet. Sometimes it was TV, other times it was toys. Illana loved to be out there- she really was fascinated with the TV.

And then there is this picture.

The only thing better than a picture of your granddaughter with her parent, is a picture of her with her Uncle. I love that girl to pieces- the love for a grandchild is amazing, I am so blessed to have this little cutie living under my roof.

God is good.

Happy weekend to all.

Baby Help Please

2012-01-10T08:01:00.000-05:00

We go from this:

to this:

And back to this pretty quickly and some days pretty often.

My Justin was prety fussy but I don't remember this amount of fussiness.

Gonna see about changing her formula-- yucky stuff, but thankful for it.

Any tips from moms of fussy, unpredictable babies.

Personal experience,

websites,

books.

I haven't done much beside love her but it's time to get serious.

Mondays Are For Smiling

2012-01-09T11:17:00.001-05:00

Mondays.A new start to a week.
School is back in session and I am finding some quiet time with a baby on my lap and my laptop by my side.

It's been a while since I've just sat.

Sat with no "mom" or "Aunt Michelle".
I've spent my morning
drinking coffee,
checking on summer vacation info,
downloading and using this new app,
drinking more coffee
and chatting on FB.

I love relaxing days.

The new bedroom should be done by weeks end.
The stucco guy comes today to plaster the inside walls,
carpet should be laid tomorrow or the next day.
I've purchased a curtain rod and now have curtains to make.
New bed has arrived
and the blessings that God has poured out on our family during this time
far
outweigh the negative press.

So I will leave you smiling today.
What better day to smile than Monday.
I am alive,
breathing,
smiling.

Hi There

2012-01-05T16:29:00.000-05:00

Little One and I on a typical day

So I feel like there is some sort of normalcy settling in over the Span Ranch.
The kids all started back to school yesterday leaving me and the 2 little ones home until the 4 year old goes to pre-school.
A quiet descends on the house now that the holiday parties and visits have all passed.
We celebrated a 10 year birthday yesterday!!

4 of the 5 girls in the house

Illana is growing so fast. What a joy it is to have my granddaughter living under the same roof as me. With the busyness of the holidays I've seen her more in passing and I long again for the day when we can play in the living room together. She blows kisses, loves her daddy and is so cute around the baby- one day she was ever so sweet and gentle to help burp her.

bedroom addition

With the extra people living here and the slow time at work for Steve we've begun to transform rooms. The back porch has been "winterized" to become a 5th bedroom and within a few days/weeks my spacious laundry room will be split to make room for a cozy little 6th bedroom.

Love this picture

I have adjusted to not working and have been reminded how it warms my heart to be the "tender" of the home. I still feel like I am tending a Tetris game at the house but soon enough I know this place will seem empty; unless of course the Lord leads us into foster care or adoption. Who knows? For now we are waking each day counting our blessing and choosing to enjoy the moment.

The Cool Kids- we heart Instagram

Currently some of us are in time-out, while another of us is enjoying some out-of-the-house time snuggled on my friends sofa I'm sure.

So life is good in this new year.
The coffee is tasty as always and my days are shaping up to have some sort of routine and normalcy, although I think we all know normalcy is relative.

Tonight's Family Night so I'm off.

Who doesn't love Hulk hands?

Welcome 2012

2012-01-01T11:01:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year!!
We rang in the new year last night with a campfire, friends, laughter, food and watching the ball drop.

18 years we've hosted a new years party,
ever changing,
always fun.

The kids laughed hard,
they laughed long,
the adults too- we seem to enjoy ourselves.

As 2011 has closed and 2012 opens I look forward to a new year. New resolutions? No, I'm not the type.

I do have some stuff I'd like to do in 2012, some have depth, some are pretty shallow.
Some, I guess could be resolutions.

I'd like to go on a cruise.
I'd like to eat healthier.
I'd like to pray more as a family.
I'd like to forgive.
I'd like to manage my days better.
Be more thoughtful.
I'd like to give grace more.
Receive grace more.
I'd like to spend more one on one time with my granddaughter.
I'd like to simplify.
I'd like to hand stitch more.
Sit on the beach more.
I'd like to love a little deeper,
speak a little truer
and seek my God a little more passionately.

I wish you all a happy 2012,
may you wake each morning enjoying the day,
the moment,
the season.
Each day is the present, it's the only one you've got- how will you live it?
Perspective is everything, or it's at least a large part of everything.
What will your perspective be this year?
this day?
this moment?

I'd also love to hear your resolutions for 2012- so go ahead and share.
Love to all,

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T11:27:00.001-05:00

Today has been a good day.
The rain is falling
the baby is crying
and the 4 year old is doing his best to argue with everyone.

I am excited to start a new week,
excited to continue in the starting of this new journey.

For Christmas I got a new laptop.
My first.
Not the MacBook I've dreamed about, but then again my husband knows me well and I'd much rather save the money and have the Dell I am currently typing on.

I am reminded of the birth of Jesus.
Probably not in the month of December and with my recent Jewish culture lessons probably not in the manger setting displayed all around my house.
Either way I think of Jesus.

In a few hours my home will once again be buzzing with people as my daughter-in-laws family will arrive along with my grandmother and we will all sit and feast on my mother's famous hamloaf.
Yum.
Still full from Steve's annual amazing pancakes I am hoping to have room for lunch.
The afternoon will end with our annual trip to the movies and then an early bedtime around the horn.

I will hopefully get brave enough to download pictures on this fresh computer space and now that I have an actual computer to sit at will go back to blogging a little more regular.

Hope you are all having a blessed Christmas day.

The Struggle of Grace Given

2011-12-21T19:54:00.001-05:00

One of the hardest parts of living life out loud on this blog is that others can read it.
When others read your words, they pass judgement.
Good or bad they take a look at small glimpses and come up with an idea of who I am and what happens around here.

I've kept quite because of this fact.
Our current living situation has DCF involved as well as other state agencies; what do I say here, or what do I not say here.

Today I feel like saying a lot.
Today marked a day we stood up as a family living at our address and said "no".
For the most part we have said "yes" to the "outside forces" (as I'll call them), the people involved in this whole thing.
We've said yes to last minute changed times of visits,
changed places and changed days.
Yes to late night gas station meetings to pick up clothing and toys.
Yes to phone calls when we've just begun to settle everyone down for the night.

Personally I've really felt that yes is what Christ has called me to say. Putting others interests first is what I'm called to do.

Until today.

Today was the day that I just felt taken advantage of.
I do supervised visits for one of the outside forces.
Our first meeting spot changed to a second,
then to a third.
My morning errands would have made the first meeting spot ideal, I had to be in that neighborhood and so it would be nothing to stop by for the set hour visit.
Then the second spot, errr... a bit out of the way but today I had a third party coming,
then a third, I said yes even though it meant due to time I could not run my morning errands.
Errr...

It was a slap in the face.
Perhaps I'm being selfish but I really just felt as though my day, my plans were not even considered due to the outside forces lack of planning and consideration.

I made a little bit of a fuss today.
Yuk.
Hate it when I do that.
I'm sure it'll all come back to bite me.
I'll be labeled the bad one, I've always been made out to be the bad one in some circles, so it's a role I'm comfortable playing.

As I think about it: I am the bad one.
My thoughts suck, I find myself becoming more and more upset with the outside forces.
My heart attitude begins to change, I grow colder.
I am the bad one.
Errr... what a mess I am, to the feet of my Savior I go.
Prayer.
It's not about me.
It's not about me.
It's a Kingdom thing.
A Christ agenda.

Reality is still here.
Things run smooth until they are involved.
Ugh, I ask myself: what runs smooth until I am involved?
What do I mess up
See the cycle here.
I have had grace upon grace poured out on me, now I need to pour it out.

So there it is: a rant of sorts, working this whole thing out.
Oh and the thing we said "no" to- well it involves the holidays, visitation and priorities.
Priorities to the ones who have been around for 18 years.
The outside forces will not be happy, but for 2 days we would like peace, calm and love to reign.

So what about you, anyone else struggle with the tug, the struggle of giving grace?

If I Only Posted Blogs the Day I Wrote Them...

2011-12-17T17:11:00.002-05:00

... then this would have been posted on Saturday.

We survived another week.
Yesterday marked week 4 of having a baby in the house and it also marked 36 years of my sweet husband's life.

How blessed I am to be married to my best friend for over 18 years and to have celebrated so many birthdays with him.
His special day happened to fall on date night.
We haven't always been good about it,
but then again we always have.
Date night.
Weekly.
No matter the week,
the day
or the cash in our pocket;
date night remains the most important night of our week.

Sometimes we laugh,
other times we watch a movie.
We eat, we always eat.
We get dessert, I try to always get dessert,
we walk on beaches and in parks.
We drink coffee,
go to book stores, we've always gone to bookstores
and we fight.
Yeah sad but true, some date nights we argue over something silly like the window placement in our fictitious vacation home in the mountains of NH or Montana or...

Last night we spent the dinner portion of our evening with friends.
It was nice.
We don't always get the chance to have dinner with friends, out, with no kids.
I think we all would have stayed longer, harassing the waitresses and ordering more food we may just as well send back (inside joke).

But last night marked another successful week gone by in the Span Ranch.
We weren't perfect this week;
we did extend grace.

I saw this on Pinterest and liked it, it fits our home perfect:

In this house...
we do second chances
we do grace
we do real
we do mistakes
we do I'm sorry
we do LOUD really well
we do hugs
we do family
we do love.

Hopefully I'll write a post and post it the same day- and hopefully it'll be this week :)

It's Saturday Here!

2011-12-10T08:24:00.001-05:00

So it's been two or maybe three weeks since our home has stretched it's seams.

back to crafting and fun toys

I'm not sleeping much, trying to get a cup of coffee to my lips before lunchtime and I now have Sesame Street as my Internet home page.

My car is back into taxi mode with elementary and pre-school drop-offs and pick-ups as well as weekly activities for 3 kids without a car now.

she does sleep

Add is a fussy baby who likes to be held, doesn't like to be held, wants to be bounced, prefers to be still, oh wait she is sleepy, oh no she's not.
I, on the other hand find it hard to not sleep in the car on date night; I, on the other hand know that sleep is exactly what I want and I don't really care if I'm bouncy or still :)

But this will pass; a season in this journey a chapter in my book of life.

my default comfy outfit

I think I am done with the majority of the paperwork needed when dealing with the state on child custody issues. I think I've visited every government building in a 20 mile radius. Oh and did I mention I have been sick since BEFORE all this began? Well I have been and I turned to a traditional doctor and am taking antibiotics-- wow, if you know me then you know how far fetched this is from my life health choices, until now tea tree oil has been my main health solution, but a desperate, sleep deprived lady will do whatever she's gotta do. Although over a week on antibiotics and nothing, I'm still sick, now you see why I don't take myself to the doctor.

pretty much the only other thing I wear

Wow that was a rabbit trail.

This morning Steve is with 2 of the "expansion pack" at a 5k while I get some much rest with the baby at home. The teenagers are sleeping soundly, God bless 'em and I've gotten 2 cups of coffee in me already. 2 cups and I'm headed right now for a third!

We were recently asked if we were "mad and upset with our family members and the fact that while we do the hard stuff on the front lines with their children they continue to live their lives of partying and self-indulgence?"

Here is our response to that: first and foremost we are hoping that these family members are making hard choices in their own lives, taking steps to make the changes they need to make to make this situation "right"; only time will tell.

As for us we are not mad, we are too familiar with a self-indulgent lifestyle to know that it is far more taxing on ones self to live strictly for ones self. A party lifestyle may seem fun at the time but when all is said and done, when the buzz, the high wears off the hard facts of life are still there. No we are not mad, we are blessed to have a lot of love in our home.

I just had to post a picture of my sweet granddaughter

Yes it is challenging.
The added cost,
the added people,
the noise,
the lack of sleep.

But what is life when it's lived sober for ones self?
How will we, how will my children really learn to share,
to put others first,
to set aside their own needs,
to truly love,
if they are never stretched outside their comfort zone?
If they're never put into the situation to do it?

On a practical note: when children are removed from the home there are issues that come with that.
I use the "methods", if we can call them that, of Dr Kevin Leman. I highly recommend his books. In fact when my children were little I used "How to Make Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours" as my parenting "go to" book. Currently I am reading and implementing "How to Have a New Kid By Friday" so far, so good; I think.

drink of choice

I hear "please" and "may I" instead of "gimme",
I'm beginning to hear "oh, ok" instead of "I know".
There's less whining and more cooperating.

So this journey is fun.
It's tiring.
It's full of laughter,
full of deep breaths,
full of love, grace, mercy and compassion.
It's only just begun.

I'll have to share the most frustrating part of it in another post: dealing with the parents- talk about having to view people through the eyes of Christ and with a heart of God; but seriously, that's another post.

Until then we are seriously looking at starting a fund to collect funds to enclose our back porch for an additional room. We're wondering if after this chapter ends if another chapter full of last minute kid pick-ups and temporary shelter hearings may be in our future? Who knows? Afterall I never thought I'd have 9 people living under my roof, or that I'd live in Florida.

In the meantime, extend some love to the person you would rather punch square in the face.

Trust me, your heart will begin to change for them and if you don't know Jesus as your Savior, today would be a good time for that too, e-mail me.

XOXO
Loving for His Kingdom,

Life in Pictures

2011-12-07T21:21:00.001-05:00

Update on Us

2011-11-25T13:06:00.001-05:00

OK so here is the run down at our home:
On Nov 14th we went to court to step in as Temporary Shelter Caregivers for our 3 day old niece, due to some health concerns she remained in the NICU until her 1 week birthday when she came home to live with us.

Then 4 days after bringing Little One home from the hospital we got another call from DCF, another sibling of ours was having their children removed from the home and so again we found ourselves faced with stepping in as Temporary Shelter Caregivers.

The day before Thanksgiving I sat again in Family Court, this time going home with a 4 and 9-year-old.

Our home a year ago consisted of 5 of us- today we have leveled out at 9.

We have a lot of love to give and we certainly love our nieces and nephews.

It is so interesting how God has changed hearts and minds around here in the past few years to land us right where we are.

We're learning to love more each day.
Learning to love beyond what's comfortable.

We're embracing life closer to home once again and looking seriously at adding on the addition we've talked about for years.

I am blessed and thankful for this season of life,
I've learned to embrace each turn in the journey with a smile on my face and eyes focused on Christ.

Hoping to sleep through the night one day soon,

Chapters in a Book

2011-11-22T15:36:00.001-05:00

Phew!
What a busy 6 days it's been.
Little One came home on Friday, her 1 week of life day!!
Our current title in her life is "Shelter Caregivers", only the future will tell what lies ahead for her and for us.

A whole new chapter of our life was opened up today, just like when Illana Belle flips the pages of a book, this page was flipped fast and hard; as much as I want to share about this I just can't. Too many people involved who live outside our home, privacy is important on this pages of this chapter.

So just think of us in your prayers as the headcount in our home grows and the love we have is multiplied.

I also hope to update you all on the latest Vintage Sheet creativeness happening- I really thank my friend Amanda for her consistency in showing up to sew, she keeps my creative juices flowing.

Happy day to all,
hold your loved ones close,
live for something bigger than yourself.

Peace, love, Jesus,

Baby Update

2011-11-16T13:32:00.001-05:00

Little One is doing good.

She successfully made it through day 4 on Tuesday and as of 5 pm yesterday she was morphine free.

Basically every few hours she gets scored. Her behaviors are recorded:

sleep, eat, muscle tone, sneezes, etc.

Each behavior has a point value, the lower the score the better she is.

A combined score of 16 or higher would flag her withdrawals as "too much" for her little body and therefore morphine would be considered/given.

Again so far, no morphine!

Since you've been asking, here are some of the details regarding Little One:

she was born on 11-11-11 @ 9:33am

she was full-term and weighted 5# 14oz and was 19.5 inches long.

She has a decent amount of hair and it is dark.

Her feet are long and skinny, like Steve's and Justin's :)

And she already has the cutest birthmark.

I've also gotten questions regarding her development and it's actually been very interesting learning the info about drug positive babies.

First of all once Little One makes it through this detox she will be like any other baby, her little quirks related to detoxing will be gone and it will be as if she was born with a clean bill of health.

Her organs and internal body is normal and functioning just fine, there was a concern about her kidney when she was in utero but the Healer has healed her.

Developmentally in the future: only time will tell. The doctors and nurses mentioned that the drug use isn't as damaging as any alcohol use mom may have misused. Interesting huh? The legal drug of alcohol is far more dangerous than her legal prescription meds or illegal opiate use. From the info we have on mom, it seems she was far more interested in opiates over alcohol, so believe it or not that is good news.

We are really trusting God that all will be well with Little One and these first days of her life will be a chapter closed with no future reference physically in her book of life.

While we want to be angry at mom:
we are not,
disturbed and confused, yes; but she is a hurting young lady in desperate need of the freedom that can only come through Jesus Christ.

Also in the baby supplies department- where do I begin?
So far I have:
-a pack-n-play/bassinet,
-turned my dresser top into a changing table (just need a changing pad)
-have about a dozen newborn clothes from Sarah and my granddaughter
-pulled out some of my old receiving blankets- fresh from the 70's
-have a car seat thanks to Illana Belle being a growing almost 1 year old

Prayer Requests:
- wisdom on the work front, I've never worked and had a baby, do I continue to do so? do I cut back a day? who watches Little One while I do work?

- Continued strength for Little One as her body adjusts to a drug-free life

So that's the update for today, thank you all for your texts and loving comments, boy isn't life just one adventure after another?

Love and peace,

Don't Get Me Started on Legal Drugs

2011-11-15T07:14:00.001-05:00

Today is the crucial day in our baby’s life.

I will not use her real name because I am not sure legally what I can say here because we are only temporaryparents. So I'll call her Little One.

Little one's momstruggled with the misuse of prescription pain medication while pregnant. Sincemom was incarcerated for 3 days before giving birth Little One was not bornwith the meds in her system; however her system only knew life with medication, life with no physical pain.

On Sunday shebegan to show signs of withdrawal and was moved into the NICU.

Excessive sucking, sneezing and yawning, muscle tightness to name a few.

The "oldschool" way of dealing with this situation was to medicate baby with morphineat the level mom was using and then slowly wean baby off, this took weeks, evenmonths; we were fortunate enough to have the leading doctor on the Eastern Seaboard in this area ofresearch and study visit Little One and use a new form of treatment.

Little One has been allowed to begin detox right from birth and will only be given morphine if her symptoms are severe enough to need it.

So far, no morphine.

Today is day 4,today is hump day, the doctor feels as though if she can make it past todaywith no morphine she should be fine to detox all her own. Although he said it would really only push her chances right past 50/50. So today is the day, and tomorrow and the next day....

When will she comehome?

We just don'tknow?

Once Little Onemakes it through her detox and realizes that people and love can sooth ratherthat medication she will be like any other baby born "sober".

Now I'm off toregister at Target because it was recently brought to my attention that I'mgonna need some baby stuff.

Sarah has hookedme up with several baby clothes and items but if memory serves meright babies need and go through more clothes and diapers than anyone else inthe household; of course if we were all wearing diapers we'd have a whole other issue going on here.

Prayer Requests:

Please be praying with us that she does not need the morphine at all.

Pray for no lasting effects of the drugs on Little One

Pray for the NICU doctors and nurses caring for her, that they'd see Jesus in us and that we would be able to speak Him to them.

Pray that this life transition would be smooth for all 5 of us.

Thank you all, this journey is never dull is it?

I wouldn't have it any other way.

Rock the Boat

2011-11-14T07:52:00.001-05:00

"to look after orphans" from James 1:27

I'm not really sure where to begin this post? so I guess I'll start at the beginning.
Where is the beginning?
The beginning could go back years, months, or for this matter a week.
For time's sake today, for this post it goes back to Friday.

November, 11th, 2011
11-11-11

Lots of weddings happened last Friday,
I know because I sold about 10 brides their wedding dress for that day.

But that is not what I am posting about.

It all started with a message at work for me: I had a phone call.
The person on the other end said something like this:
"a young lady who is incarcerated has given birth and wants to know if you want the baby."

me: "Um, can I call you back?"

Crazy,
I know.
Welcome to my life.

After my shift ended I made my way to the hospital and through the Lord's working I got to hold this precious little girl.

Saturday was a whirlwind day, as all Saturdays are when you work in a bridal shop, and then Sunday morning brought us into court.

Yeah I know Sunday morning court doesn't seem to make sense but it happens and we were there.
Before I knew it DCF was inspecting my house, asking questions and it looks as though we are on the road to having temporary custody of a little bundle of joy.

See years ago I dreamed of another baby, years ago I thought foster care would be a good idea, months ago a baby was conceived and a week ago my husband, with no prompting from me, spoke the words I longed to hear coming into agreement with my heart on caring for the orphans around us.

So you probably should congratulate me on having a baby and fitting into my regular jeans the same day.

Today is another day in court and hopefully some baby holding time.

As of today little baby girl is in the NICU getting the love she needs from the amazing doctors and nurses there;
unsure of when we'll bring her home, we have prepared a place for her here in our home.
I will hopefully keep you all posted on this space.

I'd appreciated your prayers and any diapers you may have hanging around your place- lol, can't believe we may be headed back to "reset" in the kid department-- #excited, #nervous, #scared.

Our boat is really getting rocked around here, new baby and then there is the matter of our friend moving into our shed-apartment, but that's another post.

Just when I think life is headed in one direction it surely takes a turn in the other. I am not sure what tomorrow holds but this one thing I know for sure "Thus Far, the Lord has helped us".

Mark Your Calendars

2011-11-01T08:18:00.002-04:00

I am excited to announce that on Saturday, December 10, 2011 my Vintage Sheet sewing label will have a booth at the Christmas Under the Palms craft show.

I'm not sure if I'm more excited about the fact that ALL the money made will go to putting in a well through Charity Water
or
the fact that the items sold will be made by high school students.

So locals-- mark your calendars and those of you not local I hope to make our items available through some sort of online platform, stay tuned.

I have incredible people I know who, regularly feed the hungry, adopt babies, live in 3rd world countries to aid the people there, others I know love the hurting in inner city Detroit, hug those in nursing homes- but for me,
right now,
this Charity Water thing seems to be how I can do my part.

Our goal is to raise $5,000 to put in a well. We originally thought $1,000, until a 14-year-old freshman in high school said, "I think we can raise $5,000". She's 14- dream big baby!!

We can do this.
We.

As for you? after you read this post go check out the Charity Water website.
Watch this video.
and make sure you watch this video too (it is set to a Beck song so you can jam as out you cry- or at least that's what I did)

Go there.
Read about it,
get involved,
there is so much more to life than us.
Than me.

and...
please, after you read about this amazing organization please come back here and leave a little note about how it affected your heart. Do this so others can see and read and hear from more than just me.

Then check back here for more news on how you can help us as we raise money to help do our part in changing the world.

Thanks and I love you.

My Birthday

2011-10-27T12:20:00.000-04:00

I turned 37 this last week.

I'm not a big party person or one to ask for expensive gifts or trips, well OK I lied, I'd ask for an expensive trip.

Steve and I had plans to go to Busch Gardens for my special day, but since a storm was suppose to head that way we decided to stay home. Of course Florida weather men have been known to steer us wrong and the storm stayed south of us, and Tampa, and no rain fell.

Instead Steve and I decided to visit my favorite local botanical gardens and then we just drove around.

I love to drive.

We rolled the windows down, put some music on and just let the open road lead the way.

We ran across and old Florida boarding house on the river that is up for auction and had a blast exploring the grounds.

It was such a beautiful day and I am so blessed to have a wonderful man to share days like that with.

Now if only every day could be like that, wind in my hair not a care in the world- but something tells me day after day of that would not be as fun and special as it was on my 37th birthday!

If you get the opportunity I suggest you do the same: grab the one you love, roll down the windows and just drive!

Tuesdays

2011-10-25T17:59:00.001-04:00

So a few weeks back my friend Amanda texted to say she wanted to make a Christmas present for a family member and she thought she needed my help. What thet really means is "I need a place to drag my sewing machine to make me sew".

My brain went into overtime and next thing you know I had texted the girls from last year, you may remember the ones who I cooked with each week?

Anyway today was our first day of meeting, we decided to craft together.

Sew,

scrapbook,

hot glue,

whatever we wanted.

I made a cute little felty Christmas tree to hang on the tree this year.

Not everyone crafted, Gabrielle and Sarah sat with the babies, but hopefully will craft next time ;)

Aleatha worked on her son's Halloween costume while Amanda double dutied as sewer and mommy to a 1-year-old.

Baby Luc is so precious, can't believe we've been hanging with him and his momma for almost a year now!

Faith looking thrilled to be here, or at least thrilled that I am taking her picture.

When home schoolers are involved there has got to be something for the little ones--- Wii!!

Lastly I made these:

So stinkin' yummy. I got the idea from Pinterest and here is the link. I did not make her sugar cookies but instead made my own go-to sugar cookie recipe.

If you want to see what we made, you'll have to click over to the Vintage Sheet site for that one.
Happy day to you all!!

We MOVEd

2011-10-19T16:56:00.000-04:00

Matthew 22:39 "And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself."

These words are all over the Word of God.

Last Friday my small group of 9th grade girls came over to walk this faith thing out.

They brought the ingredients,
the recipes,
they took time on their day off from school,
to cook,
to bake;
to deliver meals to a teacher they all love.
A teacher who puts 110% into their classwork
and even more into the students that come that teacher's way.

The cut raw chicken and almost puked,
they did dishes,
one even learned that it takes a lot of sugar to make a good cookie.

These girls MOVEd.
Thanks for the challenge Edgewater Alliance Student Ministries.

Angeles National Forest

2011-10-17T15:50:00.002-04:00

Because if I don't write about it the trip will be years behind me and I'll do my best to recall it.
After getting Dani somewhat settled in to college we decided to explore the mountains behind her new home.
The tall palm trees were grand for palm trees and led the way to the entrance of the Angeles National Forest.

When you live in Florida, or any other flat state, for any amount of time mountains of any size are beautiful. I really don't have much to say about the drive through the mountains besides it was really pretty. On the way "in" we drove at the base of the mountains in the canyon, past damns and reservoirs; then on the way"out" we rode high on the mountains sides, climbing until we reached the ridge road.

The winding road in the canyon is the road we took "in" with the reservoirs on either side of the picture.

Here was our ride for the trip- a Dodge Charger- we LOVED it!!!

So that is the first taste of the outdoors we got in Southern California.

The Cents Behind Our Summer Vacations

2011-10-11T15:33:00.003-04:00

When you travel as much as we I did over this last summer your friends start looking at you as if you've won some lottery,or they stop following you on Facebook cause they're disgusted with all your adventures.

Honestly, as I sit her today broke as a joke trusting God will provide our mortgage money by Thursday and I too feel like I was lavished by the summer of 2011 and it's travels.

I'm certainly no Dave Ramsey but there are a few tips I have for people who want to take some sort of vacation.

So here are my tips:

Pay cash! Take the money you save on these items and put it aside for your vacation fund- in an account or better yet at a friends house where you can't touch it! It had been 5 years since we'd been on a family vacation.

1. start making your coffee at home- then take the money you would have spent and save it- $5 a week adds up

2. stop eating out, this was the hardest for me, but $10+ a week adds up

3. set in your mind to not purchase anything new for your home or your body, I haven't bought new clothes in years, we even use hand me down towels and finally got a new microwave after 18 years

4. go on free date nights, then put aside the $20 you would have spent, we read a lot in the bookstore and we walk, walk, walk for dates- also geocaching and disc golf are free after a small initial investment

5. rent movies from library, or even redbox for $1

6. do any work that comes your way, clean a house, mow a lawn, pet sit... this will add up the most, work for your extra money the reward tied to this is amazing!

7. sell stuff you own, blankets, rarely used appliances, furniture you can do without. I am a big craigslist fan! I also take anything free being given out and sell it on craigslist, well sometimes it sits around collecting dust :/
8. having a family member buy you a plane ticket fro Christmas helps too!

and when it comes to actual trip...

8. stay with friends and family

9. research, research, research (we stay in inexpensive, clean places- I love yelp.com for this)

10. plan and pay for you trip in sections

- set your dates 6 months to a year ahead

- pay for and book your plane tickets first

- then and it may be a few months later, book your hotel or campsite (and yes we pack sleeping bags)

- next pay for any rental car or extra activity, for example buy theme park tickets one ticket at a time

11. make your own food, we travel with a cooler, and yes you can check a cooler on an airplane, use your normal grocery budget money and eat healthier too!

So that's a large part of how we managed to send me to Alaska and Detroit, take the family to Bush Gardens and for Steve and I to spend a week in California. Hard work, sacrifice and a God who allowed it all to take place.

I also love, love, love to plan vacations on the cheap so feel free to contact me if you want help- the time away on a vacation can be healing for the soul!

Where would your dream vacation be to?

My Living Room

2011-10-09T18:25:00.000-04:00

One day I will get my living room back.
Whatever that may mean.
We don't have a family room like I always wished for.

Instead we have a living room allowing all the noise in it to be heard throughout the whole house.

We have a living room with tons of throw pillows that never seem to stay on the sofas.

A living room full of laughter and jokes, conversation overheard and first words.

I have tried for several years now to record in my thankful journal all the things I am thankful for. The book A Thousand Gifts is a good read about the art and perspective of giving thanks.

I've never really typed that list here, parts of the list sit on papers crammed in a notebook and still a part is engraved in my phones "notebook".

Perhaps, if time and my brain allows, I will record more on this small space I occupy on the web.

Today I am thankful for...
1. A living room filled with boys playing video games
2. and little girl toys
3. a full recycling container
4. wind in the trees reminding me of unseen mystery
5. a heart missing family because my heart has family to miss
6. the smell of fall and maple butter candles
...

So what are you thankful for and what characteristics does your living room have?

MOVE

2011-10-05T22:38:00.004-04:00

Another year of youth group has started and another year of fresh faces greet me as we meet for small group each week. This year our theme is MOVE- we really want to challenge and push our students to MOVE in their faith, to not only know the teachings of Christ but to live them,
walk them,
MOVE them out in their lives.

This encompasses the day to day seeing and doing the work of Christ as they simply go about their lives as well as bigger things that take time and planning.

It's been noticing and approaching the kid who sits by himself during lunch,
it's been looking though a Samartian's Purse catalog and deciding to raise money with the whole youth group to buy a well in Bolivia
and also deciding to each bring $1 a week to purchase clothing, food, school supplies and more.

We have some local, close to home ideas as well--
I am excited to see what this year has to offer,

or better yet

what this group of girls has to offer this year.

Keep an eye out if you live local, you may see some students MOVEing about in your neck of the woods, and yes I know I spelled that word wrong ;)

-Trying to walk this thing out,

The "Why" Behind Our California Adventure

2011-10-04T17:33:00.001-04:00

The call came toward the beginning of July.
Dani, one of the girls I've known through youth group called to say she had no one to take her to college in Southern California. I had told her months before to let me know if she found herself headed out there alone and I'd see what I could do to make sure she didn't move across the country by herself.

I asked Steve what he thought and he gave the OK.
Within 2 weeks I had booked our flights.
Shortly after that our hotel room, rental car and of course contacted our local SoCal friends.

September 1st was our departure date and before I knew it Steve and I headed out to the west coast just a few hours before Dani.

As part of her graduation gift I told her we'd check some bags for her. Here is Steve with our portion of moving our "niece" to college, mind you she arrived with just about as much stuff.
After getting the rental car we checked into our hotel, unloaded our belongings and made the trek back to the airport to pick her up.

Somehow we managed to load up all her bags as well as bags from trip #1 to Wal-mart.

Then came Target. The coolest Target I've ever seen!!

The store was actually on the second story with a parking garage underneath it. As you went down in your escalator your cart went down in it's own escalator.

We then made our way to the campus and set out to find her dorm room!

It was fun to watch her walk and look for her room number...

Signs lined the halls welcoming the new students...

and then we found it!!

After dumping the first load, meeting her roommate and her parents, we headed back out for dinner and another Wal-mart stop. Taking a child to college is expensive, well at least for the parents and students- not so much for the Aunt and Uncle :)

Somewhere along the line we made it to Target again :)

After unloading and folding and hanging clothes we managed to take a group photo.

Here is a tour of the Azusa Pacific University campus.
The baptism pool, rumor has it kids climb the trees to catch a peak.

Riding to the west side of the campus on the trolley system

Outside of the library with the San Angeles National Forest in the background.

The wailing wall.

Prayer chapel

There was a really neat hallway/exhibit area with really thought provoking and creative pieces of art; this one was perhaps my favorite. While beautiful is circled many other lies we tend to believe about ourselves are all over this crossword-- can you fin them? and if you believe any of them be reminded that you are beautiful.

So there it is the reason we made the trip to the west coast.
More to come, after all we travelled into the mountains behind Azusa, visited the Pacific Ocean, the high desert and of course Yosemite!!

More to come--

I Hate It

2011-10-02T19:25:00.005-04:00

I feel bad.

I am a real loving person, or at least I think I am.

Compassionate.

Kind.

I can't help but hurt when I begin to make up a story for the scraggly looking person walking barefoot on the side of the road,

I want to talk with, gently touch and love on the homeless in my neighborhood.

Yet...

when my sister shows up at church all strung out on drugs I get angered.

I feel very little, if any, compassion.

I feel frustrated,

disgusted.

Again?

When others hear her story, see her sick in the bathroom and inform me of her condition I look at them with no emotion;

I shrug my shoulders and shake my head.

"How can you help someone who doesn't want help"

I feel as though it is not our burden to bear anymore.

Not my burden anymore.

Then whose?

We've allowed her to live in our home,

driven her to appointments,

lent her our car,

moved her belongings,

checked her in to rehab-- several times,

supported her recovery,

been her birthing coach,

loved her through her messes.

10 years.

No change.

Same cycle.

What to do?

I am frustrated when I don't see my children or my close friends extend love and yet I am just as guilty--

and I hate it.

Sickened by it.

I want to reach out to her,

I've just seen this section of her path many times before;

I've seen where it leads.

Crack.

Needles.

Pills.

Men.

Empty plans.

Unrealistic hopes.

Cries.

Tears.

Pain in her eyes.

Deceit from her lips.

Truth in her words.

A baby is coming for her in a few months and she is homeless.

Burned bridges.

Stolen from loved ones,

lies,

legal implications.

This battle for love rages in my heart for her.

For now I can just simply pray.

Prayer changes things.

This is not bigger than God.

Nothing is bigger than God.

Nothing.

No drug,

no addiction,

no cycle.

I know I've lived through it myself.

I am free now.

15 years of it and I am free!

A glimmer of hope for her.

May she see that glimmer too.

May I pray for her,

and if your heart feels it may you pray for her.

Her healing

that can only come through Jesus Christ.

His death,

His resurrection.

He came out of that tomb so she could live

and walk,

so she can see free and clear!

Errr... how I hate this struggle of mine.

How I love the ability to call on Jesus.

Trying to walk this thing out-

2011-09-29T11:53:00.002-04:00

Being a grandparent is reward for not killing your children.

I took Illana with me out and about one day this last week, as I drove out of the driveway I was afraid I might leave her in the car

or when I walked into the store could I walk and hold a baby.

What about in the grocery cart- what if I walk away and forget she's there?

Crazy huh?

I don't ever remember thinking any of those things with my own children.

I just love that little girl.

I am truly blessed.

Hope

2011-09-28T14:38:00.005-04:00

I want to stop hoping,

I desire to give in,

I yearn to give up,

will I ever win?

The path is dark,

the way looks bleak,

I don't want to hope,

my heart is oh so weak.

It's not going my way,

I can not see the light,

"abandon all hope" I cry,

it just won't make things right.

I try to stop hoping,

but then I hear,

a still, quiet voice

telling me to draw near.

"It's in this dark,

this hopeless state

you'll look to Me

and learn to wait

hope is not for the sunny days

when all is looking clear

it's for those stormy times

when you really just need Me near."

I no longer hate this hoping

I no longer want to quit

instead I hope in Jesus

and with Him I calmly sit.

Go here for more

I certainly am no poet-

The Hope in the Fire

2011-09-22T11:26:00.004-04:00

I am a woman full of hopes and dreams.

I come from a family of dreamers; I think that's what makes us all such good entrepreneur’s.
For as long as I can remember I have sketched a floor plan of my house, my office, my barn.

Crawled up under the old wooden pew we tore open offering envelopes and dreamed.

As life has been lived dreams have come and gone.
Some fulfilled,
some forgotten,
others ripped painfully from my being.

The seed of a Giant Sequoia must face a season of fire before it can take root, as I think about standing at the base of one of these Giants I can’t help think about my hopes and dreams; the journey they take.

The fire they meet.

The root they take
and the giants they have the potential to become.

The Giant Sequoia is not the tallest tree on this planet nor is it the largest in circumference.
My hopes and dreams may stand small in comparison but to me they are huge.

Grown by God from seed in my heart for a purpose;
a purpose to change the world around me,
to change my attitude,
to change my day,
to simply allow a smile in the heart of this dreamer.

Some days I want to give up hope.

Stop dreaming.

Some days I try.

Some days I do.

Then the reality of my God.

The stones of my past pile up and I am reminded of my Ebenezers.

I am reminded that I have truly tasted and seen that the Lord is good.

I know the fire in my day is hope burning.

Burning to be sown,

from something tiny,

something ugly,

something painful,

to something beautiful,

larger than life,

amazing.

We dreamed big under those church pews, waterslides from our bedrooms windows and horses for all to ride. We had hope on that cold New England church floor and it spurred us on to keep dreaming, keep hoping, to just keep on.

May you see hope today in a person, a situation, an attitude. May you keep on.

Love, Peace and Jesus,

Good Morning 4am

2011-09-19T03:29:00.002-04:00

I was hoping to post some pictures from Yosemite but as it turns out I'm having uploading issues.

But I guess that makes sense, I have issues.

seeking God at 4am,

relaxing in the silence of my kitchen.

all bodies are at rest.

seeking answers, desiring change.

needing to settle, restless to move.

confused I seek Him.

in hope i step forward,

i step up.

Return

2011-09-13T15:20:00.003-04:00

I recently returned from one of the most beautiful places my eyes have seen: Yosemite National Park.

After 3 days in Southern California and a day in the high desert of Cali I had no idea I would fall in love with a piece of that states earth.

But I did.

As we drove out of the park I was already dreaming of returning. I have never felt so much a part of nature as I did while walking, sleeping and looking around Yosemite Valley. The valley is 7 miles long by 1 mile wide with granite walls that enclose a towering forest of ponderosa pine trees. Trees, rock, water, dirt and my man- ah.... my heart skips a few beats just typing that.

I returned home refreshed and renewed, ready to face the day to day challenges of living life, parenting, working and doing youth ministry.

Today I began a volunteer job I had felt called to do since the beginning of the summer, I think somewhere I had convinced myself I'd not have time or be good at it- yet somehow when I started it today I knew neither was true.

I've been home 3 full days and am still amazed at the beauty in those California mountains; I plan to go back and hike the mighty half dome for my 40th birthday.

I can't wait- 40 will be here sooner than I realize and Lord willing I will send pictures from the top of that grand piece of granite; funny a girl from Maine, claiming some part of home in the Granite State of NH would rediscover her love of the mountains, rocks and streams in the Sierra Nevadas of the west.

Happy day to all and may you love today better than you did yesterday.

Text to the Boys

2011-08-22T18:33:00.004-04:00

Just a quick note.

The boys went back to school today, Vaughan is a senior and Justin a sophomore- where has the time gone?

I wonder if a school year will ever go by when I will think I've done the right thing- whether it be home school or public school I find myself doubting my decision- every year.

It seems like no matter how much prayer and prep goes into my children I always doubt myself. I am still in awe that I am a parent.

I guess living with me, in my head I know what a mess I am.

In the end I just want the best for my kids. I don't want them to make the same mistakes I made- heck I really don't want them to make mistakes at all.

But they have and they will.

And really when it comes down to it, I know that it has been through my mistakes that I have learned.

That each mess up pushes me to rely on my Savior Jesus Christ.

Perhaps that's why I screw up a lot, to be reminded that Jesus is all I need.

Perhaps that's why I doubt my parenting ability, to eventually come around to the knowledge that Jesus is all they need.

So to my sons on their first day of the 2011-2012 school year I say to you

"May you see Jesus in those around you,

may you look for opportunity to BE Jesus to the world near you

and most of all may you hear and obey that still small voice of the Holy Spirit in you."

Of course you both know these words because I texted them to you today,

then again maybe you didn't even read the text because I didn't hear back from either one of you; but perhaps when you're 40 you'll decide to read this crazy blog that you've spent the last 6 years of your lives trying to avoid.

All this to say I lift up my dreams, expectations and aspirations of my children to You of Lord, the Creator of Heaven and Earth- they are Your children and I thank You for the opportunity to spend these few short years with them.

Testing the Waters

2011-08-16T17:12:00.004-04:00

In all reality I love to blog.

This past summer, or the current summer we're in has been life changing for me.

I will need to blog about why the break for the past two months and why it's been life changing and I promise I will do that soon.

Why the decision to come back to blog?

Why not I guess, and I have had 3 people recently ask me to come back.

So I start with a very brief look at my trip to Alaska.

I took like 300 pictures of this mountain alone. It was a small mountain but the most often seen in cloudy Cold Bay.

My hostess, the best friend I could ever ask for, my cousin Molly.
I fished.

And I love it.

L-O-V-E-D IT!!!
My friend from elementary school, and hubby to my cousin, and the best activities director Alaska has ever seen- Shane.

PS that's the Bering Sea behind him, another view I took 300 pictures of.
Where there is rain and sun there are rainbows.
Mount Frosty peaked her head for me.
If I had to chose my own parents I'd chose them.
I have an issue of taking my own picture every time I get on a plane, here I am on Penn Air headed to Anchorage. The stewardess Sue is the best-- she put up with me on the way out to Cold Bay, super excited and giddy and then again on the way back, super excited and giddy- plus she gave me an extra bag of chocolate chip cookies for the road.
So a little taste of my life, I should be back with the nitty-gritty of why the 2 month absence.

Love and Peace to you all,

The Time Has Come

2011-06-15T17:57:00.002-04:00

I am still in Alaska, loving it here.
Coming to some life changing decisions, thoughts and emotions.
I have always been open on this blog, this space has allowed me to vent, to say the silly, the pointless and the blunt; today was the most emotionally draining day I may have ever experienced in my short, messed up little life and because of it I am saying goodbye.
Goodbye to this space on the web.
I may be back, I may not; until then I take this next step in my life with faith because it is a step I do not want to take.
But I will.
I must.

Cold Hands, Warm Heart-
Love from Cold Bay,
Michelle

PS my trip has been great and if you are ever by the house I'd love to share it with you; if you get a chance to visit the Aleutians islands I highly suggest you do

Cold Bay At Last

2011-06-15T14:24:00.008-04:00

I left home at 5am eastern time on Sunday morning and flew 5.5 hours to San Francisco.
A friend picked me up and we grabbed brunch at a local place in the city and then headed out for a 5 hour tour of the city of 14 hills.
Pacific Ocean,
the Castro,
Golden Gate Bridge,
the Mission,
murals, murals and more beautiful murals.
I bought sour dough bread, put my feet in the waters of the far west coast and drove down the crookedest street.

By the time we finished I felt like I had been in motion for most of my life. 3 days before leaving for this trip we had wrapped up our family vacation to Busch Gardens Tampa- home of the greatest roller coasters in Florida!!!

Arriving back in the San Francisco airport I cleverly made my way into the short security line, befriending some people who were suppose to be in that line, I did great at passing as part of their party.

Off again I went this time with Anchorage, Alaska on my mind.

Joanna picked me up and I just kept saying, 'It's so pretty", "Look at the mountain" and "I can't believe I'm here". The sun didn't set until well past my 11pm bedtime, 3am according to my east coast body; and I was wide awake at 5:15.

Monday consisted of some great geocaching, a visit to Hatcher's Pass and a nice walk around the quaint town of Palmer, AK.

Then, Tuesday morning I was headed back to Anchorage for my flight to Sand Point and on to Cold Bay!

Finally, I've been wanting to make this trek since my cousin moved here 5 years ago. The boarding process onto my Penn Air flight consisted of an id check, a tarmac walk and boarding a small Saab prop plane; similar to one I flew into Warsaw, Wisconsin in with my dad over 25 years ago. 2 seats on one side of the plane, 1 seat on the other- you now the type of plane where they ask your weight and take the weight of your carry on's.

The flight was cloudy so the views were somewhat blocked, landing in Sand Point was neat, the mountains falling into the sea are just beautiful no matter the level of clouds they reach up and hide in.

Cold Bay was even more exciting, my heat raced, my eyes teared up- I was finally going to get to spend some life time with my family in this Alaska bush town of 80 people.

I was greeted as I exited the plane with Shane on the other side of the fence and a truck pulling in honking it's horn- that's Molly I thought and sure enough it was! So different from the whistle blowing business of the Orlando airport.

Within and hour I had purchased an Alaska sport fishing license and 4 hours after stepping foot in Cold Bay I was out in a boat in the actual bay pulling up Tanner crab pots.

Yes! A bucket list item crossed off- I got to crab fish, I could hear the Deadliest Catch music playing in the back ground as I pulled the pot toward the boat and to the joy of my heart it was full of crab!
I caught my daily limit.

I saw some puffins, seagulls and landscape from the pages of National Geographic

We boiled crab in the town garage next door and enjoyed the fellowship of 10-15 of the locals as we tore into the best tasting, freshest crab I'd ever layed my taste buds into.

Then by 9pm I was snuggled in bed- looking forward to my first full night of sleep in 4 days.

I am working on getting my pictures uploaded, no Internet on my phone here- although I do have texting; so I hope to get those up for you to enjoy.

Until then the agenda for today is a walk to the store and Post Office.
I am here, finally and already looking into finding Steve and I jobs.

Cold hands, Warm heart, love 2 u all from Cold Bay-

Today thru Tuesday

2011-06-12T07:05:00.001-04:00

Today I will start here:

then I will spend 6 hours here with Steve's cousin:
Then I will arrive here and stay for 48 hours with a long lost friend:
Then I will fly to this runway for a 25 minute layover:
Finally I will arrive at my destination, here:
You'll have to stay tuned for where all the "here's" are, or maybe you're good with photos, anyone have guesses as to where each stop is?

My Head is Still Spinning

2011-06-10T09:00:00.004-04:00

We survived Busch Gardens,

we enjoyed the Montu,

Gwazi, Sheikra, the Scorpin, Kumba, Cheetah Hunt,

we rode the Sky Ride,

touched kangaroos,

saw Tigers pounce,

monkeys swing

and elephants dance;

we swan each night in our pool,

watched movies,

ate food

then we woke up and did it all again the next day.

Now here we all are-- in cartoon form.

I Turned the Car Around Today

2011-06-02T14:29:00.005-04:00

With Detroit on my mind more and more I can't seem to get the picture of homelessness out of my mind.

I can't seem to get the picture of homelessness out of my face.

There is this one homeless guy who I owe $10 to, not because he asked but because I felt God telling me to give it to him but my fears held me back.

Then there's Buck the homeless guy we've been friends with for 4 years now.

But today.

Today I stopped for a homeless lady, actually turned the car around, pulled over and sat next to her on the side of the street.

Along with her "Anything helps" sign.

Kind of weird and humbling sitting there- "who is driving by, do they know me, if they don't what do they think of me, will the stuff over in my car get stolen..."

my mind was all over the place, but then I focused in on her.

We shook hands.

Her name was Colorado,

I had to ask and dig for a real name because I thought that was more polite than asking for her gender.

Seems like homeless women can fit 1 of three roles on the streets,

#1: they are a girlfriend to somebody else on the street,

#2: they are "all girl" and have the goods to sell for it or

#3: they try their best to blend in and by blending that usually means being more non-gender.

She fit the third.

After awhile of talking she said she had to go, she had to get back to work; which meant "get out of here lady".

Then I did what I do all the time in Detroit but rarely do here in my own backyard: I asked how I could pray for her, if I could pray for her. She was receptive for me to pray for her away on my own for whatever I felt like; afterall she said, "All prayers are heard"

I left it like that.

The I asked what else I could do with no money in my pocket-

"a small coffee", she asked- "I'm falling asleep over here"

I was persistent about food and she finally also asked for a fish sandwich from McD's.

When I showed back up she was surprised I came back.
We chatted some more, I got some info on other practical ways I could help her and I was on my way.

I drove away,

my heart hurting, my mind playing the time over in my head-

she had wreaked of booze,

she was nodding off,

her sign torn and battered as if it had survived a crab season on the Bering Sea;

but her eyes,

her eyes were the eyes of a human soul,

a women longing for love,

for a friend,

for more than what she was currently doing each day.

For Jesus,

she ~~was~~ is starving for Jesus, the real one, the Healer- oh that is my prayer for Colorado that she would meet the Healer face to face and be forever changed.

So what about you- is there anyone less fortunate you need to stop and say hi to?

Any homeless person you see on a regular basis?

Go ahead, introduce yourself, lend a hand.

Matthew 25:35

New American Standard Bible

For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in;

Another Round

2011-06-01T08:02:00.003-04:00

Another round of pictures.

Vaughan is such a good dad, I couldn't help but sneak a peak this morning as he was getting her changed and dressed.

Then later that morning here she is with mom.
Doing some serious teething on Papou's finger.
The last night of youth several students dressed up, here was Justin's outfit.
I saw that a local geocache had been missing and then replaced-- I was excited to be the FTF (first to find) on the new cache.
Oh and Justin got his hair cut.

Before:
After:
My cousin came into town for a day and we went to the Farmer's Market with my nana, here she was in her trademark long sleeve and hat.
My brother-in-law and sister-in-law came into town with their new little one, he is 3 weeks older than Illana.
So that's the latest form the iPhone picture roll.

I'm going to try to blog a little more over these next couple of busy weeks.

:)

2011-05-25T07:53:00.006-04:00

Not much really going on but I just felt like I wanted to sit here and write something.

Helped a friend pack yesterday,

we talked about how cleansing it is to move- going through and throwing away, weeding out and boxing up.

Then you spend a week or two without-

and life works.

How you think about not ever opening those boxes again; but then reality hits and you realize pots and pans make cooking easier and you really miss looking at the cute little such and such you bought when you were at that someplace special.

So the boxes get opened and you unpack.

I thought about how nice it is to start over.

A new room,

a clear shelf,

starting fresh with wall hangings and even friendships.

Sometimes I think I'd like to start fresh again.

The I thought about God.

How He looks at me that way when I go to Him after really screwing up.

A clean slate, a fresh start; the old is gone and the new is here.

A clean slate, a fresh start, a life of forgiveness.

So what about me? When someone comes to me after hurting me and seeks forgiveness do I give them a clean slate and fresh start? or do I unpack all the old crap and place it back on the clean shelf eventually clogging the relationship.

I don't wanna be that way.

Currently I have a person in my life who I don't wanna forgive, I don't wanna like, I don't wanna be kind to.

But somehow, because of the Holy Spirit living in me I am doing it.

I don't want to, my mind goes places and thinks things I don't want it to go or think.

The hurt is deep, but it's healing; I can feel it- the peace in me over the situation can only come from God.

It takes work, I have to make the effort to take every thought captive, to think of good things.

So not much going on in my life, except there really is.

Besides all this learning to love people I must take on the task at hand for me today: to clean one of Steve's clients homes.

A huge home sitting on the ocean a busy day before getting kids from school.

Have a blessed one!

Lately

2011-05-20T13:58:00.003-04:00

Just thought I'd drop a quick note with some pictures as to what's been going on lately.

I've been reminded that my family and my home are my priorities and my ministry, having teenagers in the house seems to require a different kind of focus on the home front than any other stage in life.

Some days it has taken all I have in me to love and be kind, I feel as though the enemy is touching up the paint that he has painted on my back and my rooftop; knowing that the battle is already won by the blood of Christ I press on doing my best to be joyful and kind and loving.

Now on with the pictures...

the Tuesday women's group I belong to has come to an end for the summer, here is a glimpse at what my living room has looked like on Tuesdays, this photo is missing Theresa :(

Justin had is final piano recital at school, we went out after to celebrate with ice cream! His girlfriend Inez was with us, so I think this is her official introduction on my blog, welcome Inez.
Vaughan passed the College placement test, actually has a different name now but the long and short of it is that he will start taking classes at the local college as well as the high school next year- so proud of you Vaughan.
Illana is growing, she is amazing. The combination of baby and teenager in the house is nice- her laughter, her screeches as she realizes she has a voice and her smile can turn any mood around and really just slow down my day when I take time to sit with her.
I mean how sweet is this?
So that is the news around this place lately.

We have several trips this summer, 6 out of state trips as a family combined!

One of which includes my trip to Alaska to visit my cousin!!!

I'll try to post more and if you're still reading then thanks :)

Geocaching

2011-05-05T09:24:00.005-04:00

My new fav thing to do.

Addicted.

Its been around for 10 years, first heard of it 6 years ago, got the ap 8 days ago.

Way. Too. Much. Fun.

Went with a group of my friends who have named themselves: The Runaways.

Love them.

Check it out for yourself.

How I Save

2011-04-29T07:54:00.001-04:00

Here's how I coupon.

My system came from Southern Savers, so by no means did I discover this on my own.

I am busy.

With a self-employed husband, a p/t job, 2 teenagers, 1 daughter-in-law,a granddaughter and volunteer obligations I am busy- this works.

Although... I am never afraid to just go buy groceries at full price because we need food and I have no time to coupon, because trust me, it does take time.

First things first: The organization

Step one: Get a file folder/box, place it somewhere accessible

Step two: inside a hanging file folder I label folders with the names of the inserts from Sunday paper, these are my 5 folder labels:

- Red Plum

- Smart Source

- Publix Saver and other coupon books

- Extra Coupons- organized by aisle- after 6 years of the same 2 grocery stores I know this

- weekly ads for local grocery stores

Step three: Each Sunday- or Thursday for me- I get a Sunday paper and my local grocery store ads -- I then take out all the coupon inserts from the paper and lay them out

Next I label the inserts with the Sunday date they came out onThen I file them in the proper folder, latest date toward the back

Step four: Store organization

How do I take all the coupons to the store with me?

I have a small binder that I got from a Financial Freedom class we took a few years back, I use this to hold my grocery money and the coupons I will use that week for shopping
Inside it looks like this- I keep my money in one little folder and my coupons in another
I like this system because the little folders/envelopes have nice flaps on them so I don't have to worry about the coupons falling out, plus it fits nicely in my purse, here's a picture with one of the flaps open:
I can also keep my other cash money spending in here-the system we learned at the financial class

Step 5: Time to Save

First thing I do is make my weekly grocery list, I like to do this by Monday morning so I can shop on Monday after work, but most often I run a day behind:

After You are Organized

How I make my list

this is crucial::: shopping with a list and sticking to it helps you stay on budget and save $$

#1:: I look at my local store flyers and see what's on sale,

compare that to my pantry

and then I decide which store I will shop at or if I'll "store hop" --

then looking at sale items I write out a weekly menu.

I try to take advantage of Winn-Dixie's BOGO meats to stock upon meat

Some weeks, when I need some motivation I post my weekly Menu on my kitchen blog and link that to Meal Plan Monday at Organizing Junkie

**SO WEEKLY MENU FIRST THEN GROCERY LIST

#2:: then I go to the Southern Savers website and make my list

I pull up the grocery store(s) I will shop at and begin to make my list and gather coupons. Her list will look something like this:

She lists the sale items and any coupons to go along with those items and where to find those coupons.

Sometimes it's a RP (Red Plum) or a SS (Super Saver)--- if so I go to my file folder, find the date of insert, find the coupon, cut it out and place it into my coupon folder in the small binder I spoke of above

If it's a printable one, I print it-- I have registered for a lot of coupons but have found that some of the places send me some decent meal ideas so it's worth the registering to me

#3:: After I have made my list and gathered all my coupons I go over my list and coupons double-checking the coupons in my envelope---

On my list after the item listed I have a code-- I write a "c" if I have a coupon, "BOGO" if the item is buy one get one free and I write "sc" if there is a store coupon available at the store.

LASTLY:

I shop

and I hopefully get a receipt that looks like this:

SOME SIDE NOTES:

I also use the Southern Savers buy list to know what's a good deal on meat for non BOGO weeks.

I DO NOT FLIP OUT when I can't print the coupon

when I have to register at a site for a coupon

when I am out of ink,

I just do the best I can.

Especially the weeks I can't coupon-- I don't beat myself up over it or feel like a less than grocery shopper, ok some days I feel that way but it's not worth it.

Since I love a good spreadsheet I was thrilled to see this savings spreadsheet available, check it out if you wanna track your savings.

So that's how I save on groceries.

I figure any money I save is like money I earn, I'll work 2 hours to save $60--- that's $30 an hour!!

How do you save your family money?

sorry if this is a repeat on info you hear about on coupon shows- I have never watched them because we still have plain old antenna tv

I Love to Dance

2011-04-28T18:12:00.002-04:00

Bucket list

Today is the Day that Mattered

2011-04-24T20:40:00.005-04:00

Spring is on us, my garden is in full swing and I am ready for the kids to be out of school, for hot summer nights and even hotter summer days.

Today is Esther.

Today is the day that matters.

If Jesus Christ, the Son of the virgin Mary, born to a carpenter in Nazareth; if He had not risen from the dead today then all He claimed to be would have been false, all He walked this earth living would have been a lie and what I believe would simply not be.

I grew up in a family of traditions.

A family of love.

Each holiday we gathered to eat, laugh and enjoy one another.

We never had any family quarrels, I never heard my aunts and uncles speak harshly of one another; and beside my 9 cousins and I getting yelled at for playing in the laundry chute, my family never yelled.

As an adult I wanted that for my kids.

But life doesn't always pan out the way I plan.

My kids live far away from their cousins of the same age and the cousins they have here are a great deal younger than them. Add in the fact that we have 2 drug addict siblings in the immediate area and family holidays are slowing becoming a burden and not the joyous time I remembered as a child.

I get asked a lot the question of "how are things at your house?", the question comes to me as if the person asking feels sorry for me, as if life should suck because I have my teenage son, his wife and their daughter living with me.

Well it doesn't.

I mean some days it does, when I look at the reality of the situation and look at things in terms of my perspective and my dream and my view I begin to panic.

But today.

Today is the day that made it all well with my soul.

Today is the day that Jesus conquered death so I can look at my granddaughter and rejoice.

So I can look at my daughter-in-law and love.

I can talk with my sister in law with grace and friendship.

I can look at a hurtful drug addict with my heart breaking and full of compassion.

I can show up at family gatherings and smile, truly smile.

Yes, today is the day that made it all available to me.

It is because God sent His one and only Son Jesus to this earth that I can even begin to smile at my life; or the even the people in it;

it is because of this loved poured out that day on the cross, that empty tomb three days later that make it possible for me to even begin to try to love these people around me.

Begin to love this life.

So today I rejoice that the tomb was empty, that death was overcome.

Yes today as the holiday looks nothing like I'd like it to I can rejoice because it was the ~~vision~~ reality of that original day that matters.

So I encourage you to look at those in your life a little different.

Instead of what you want to think and say and feel, think about the sacrifice on the cross that day and maybe you'll have a change of heart.

Hallelujah and I love each of you who takes the time to read my rambling words.

2011-04-23T18:40:00.001-04:00

New yellow squash muffin recipe at Thus Far in the Kitchen

Life is Tough Good

2011-04-18T20:59:00.003-04:00

Life is good.
I mean today I am saying that.
A few days ago I wanted to move away
or maybe just go on a long vacation.

Then... I listened to the Holy Spirit draw me back to reality,
to hearing the truth,
and...
I like life again.

It's tough raising a teenager who is controlled some days by hormones,
other days by the weather,
and perhaps if I'm lucky by a rational mind that realizes I am on his side.

It's tough being a 36-year-old grandmother who has her 17-year-old and his wife and baby living with her.

It's tough being a wife. It's tough being married to a self-employed man.

It's tough having to work outside the home when for 17 years you worked your dream job as a stay at home mom.

But ya know what?
When I hand the burden of this tough life over to the Lord, it's not so bad.
My perspective seems to switch,
the burden becomes lighter
and I can type things like I did today:
Life is good.

Matthew 11:28-30 (New American Standard Bible)
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.
Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Trust is Not As Easy As One Would Hope

2011-04-17T08:26:00.003-04:00

I took this picture sitting at a light in a town near Orlando.

I am always amazed by God's creation. The sun rays of color in this picture take my breath away.

The clouds, the colors, they wow me like nothing man can paint or sing or write.

I love this picture right down to the frost on the inside of my car windshield- it reminds me of the closeness of God even though His finger brushes an amazing skyscape over a grungy city street.

I'm learning to trust this massive God.

I'm learning to step each day into the lighted page of this part of my journey.

All too often I fight negative thoughts of worthlessness, insecurity and the overall thought that I do not matter to those around me or even to the God of this universe.

But I'm reminded to believe the truth and shut out the lies.

I'm learning to trust.

I'm learning to look to the One who helps me, who protects me and never sleeps or forgets what step on the page I am on. Psalm 121 helps my brain with this

On to other things... Steve had the chance to head to NH for a few days. While I missed him tremendously I also loved it!

I loved that he got to spend time with his mom and step-dad, see friends and other family and just relax from his day to day grind of being a small business owner.

I also enjoyed a quiet room when I laid my head down and just the aloneness that comes with a spouse being gone.

But he's home now,and he brought Village pizza with him so all is well in this place called home.

In other news I cleaned up the floor area in front of my washer and dryer. Not a small feat because it just seems to be the holding spot for all things lost.

This week I am thinking of participating in a Tackle it Tuesday project and going to tackle the clean up and out my sewing areas. Thinking of some major changes in this part of my life-- and with my extreme brain that sways from getting rid of it all to having it take over the dining room..... guess you'll have to wait for an update on that later this week.

May you have a happy day today, may your perspective be on the Creator of the Universe and may you not only see God work in those around you but may you be Jesus to those around you.

Peace out-

Date Night Genius

2011-04-11T08:09:00.000-04:00

So Vaughan and Sarah went out on a date night last week.

While lots of people say there is not much to do around here, I say it's all in how you look at things.

While poking around at Target Vaughan picks up this ball.

Yes, this pink ball.
Yep, he picked it up and walked around with it.

Then it just happened to show up in every picture they took. Can you find it?How about here?
Watch it Sarah! Did you spot the ball?
My personal favorite.
That darn pink ball!
Look close.
See my kids really are superheroes. Spot the ball yet?
Of course the baby aisle. Where's it at?
Genius. Pure genius.

So I think that's a great idea- we should all do it.

They said it was fun to work together: coming up with ideas, hiding the ball and even laughing as people walked by looking at them a bit confused.

So if you decide to join in this fun, let me know- we'd love to see where this idea takes you on a date night.

2011-04-08T08:20:00.003-04:00

I have been having so many issues with my computer, the internet, this blog--- ugh. I've taken my computer to the shop and it's fine- no bugs or sickness, so.....

I am frustrated and quite frankly want to punch something.

But I won't.

So hopefully this posts.

I have a really neat date night idea to post along with pictures-- I just can't seem to load any pictures- onto any site I maintain.

OK so let me see if this posts.

Tuesdays: Food and the Ladies

2011-04-05T18:59:00.001-04:00

Our Tuesday morning Bible study is amazing.
Not necessarily because of the content of the study- although it's really good and not necessarily the wonderful conversations we have. I wouldn't say it's the time in prayer or even the wonderful food we eat- no, I'd say it's a combination of all of those things; add in the Holy Spirit's presence and I'd say Tuesday mornings are the most wonderful mornings of the week.
Actually let me take that back, I am the most irritated, frustrated and upset on Tuesday mornings; seems like the spiritual battle heightens before a period of time that falls into direct obedience with God's will and instruction. Plus our group meets from 11-1 so it's more of the best mid-day day of the week :)

I will tell you that I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to do a Bible study again where we don't cook together.
Of course that works out great for me, one who likes to eat yummy food but doesn't necessarily like to cook it.

For those of you wanting to give this a try here's how it works:
First we choose a menu for the following week, it usually consists of a main dish and a dessert. We photocopy that menu and after a read over of all the ingredients we begin to divvy up the items. Someone will yell out "I'll bring the tomatoes" or "I have lots of peanut butter I'll bring that!" After everyone has spoken up and all items are taken we do one last read over to be clear, after all we are talking about some yummy stuff.

The first hour we spend cooking together. Have one person, for our group it's usually me, who takes the lead in reading and instructing the others on what steps need to be done and when. We also use this time to talk about our homework, our week in general or whatever else comes up.

The next hour we spend eating, discussing or watching our video if it's a video based study.
That's' it.

How do we get our recipes?
The first go around we did the study of Ruth by Kelly Minter and the study has recipes for each week right in it! So I think that's a great way to start.
This time around we are doing Beth Moore's Psalms of the Ascent study and so we've come up with our own recipes.

The first week I was unprepared and so I purchased all the ingredients for a simple Pampered Chef recipe from 1997. Lol!!! Yes that was right- 1997! Then this week we made a meal we missed during our Ruth study. Next week we are making a fancy mac-n-cheese with peanut butter brownies and the following... well you'll have to wait and see.

I will post links to all the recipes in the coming weeks so you can either enjoy them with your family or maybe invite a group of friends over and cook it with them.

Either way I encourage you to take the time to fellowship with friends over food- it's just plain ol' simple- fun!!

2011-04-05T06:46:00.001-04:00

Just thinking this morning how blessed and thankful I am that I had the privilege of being a stay at home mom, wife and full time keeper of our home for 17 years.

I love my current job outside the home, it truly is where god would have me, but I will forever be thankful for those years at home.

What season of life are you thankful for?

2011-04-01T09:06:00.001-04:00

Having computer issues- no Internet. Sending this from my phone, hope to be back soon

My Brain is a Workin'

2011-03-22T07:16:00.001-04:00

I know my verses, are you memorizing any scripture?
If so please leave your verse in the comment section,
if not list your favorite verse in the comments.

LOVE WINS!

2011-03-18T01:11:00.002-04:00

"Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates a brother or sister is still in the darkness. Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble. But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them." 1 John 2:7-11

Rob Bell's new book came out this week and has been surrounded by a bunch of controversy- I will have to read it before I make a judgement call but his title got me thinking...

LOVE WINS.

It does.
"Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:8a

Today I am trusting God that love will win in my household,
among my children,
among my siblings,
among my husband and I,
among the Wana tribe,
among my small group on Tuesday,
our youth group on Wednesday.

Love wins.
It always has,
always will.
I've seen it,
I've tasted it.
I've fought it- I've surrendered to it.

...and even still I struggle with it...

I am trusting God for this in some very specific areas of my life right now.
TRUSTING

Thank you Lord for Your love poured out on me.
Thank you Lord for the love I see trickling through relationships
I thank You in advance for the outpouring of love among those dearest to my heart.
I thank you Lord for being LOVE.

So what about you- are choosing to let love win?
How have you seen love win?

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

Fly Greg Home Initiative

2011-03-17T19:41:00.003-04:00

So last week at church our pastor challenged us to be the church.
If we saw a need to do something to meet it.
You can go here to listen to his message and I suggest you do- it's good stuff!

So the next day while walking with a long time friend we got talking about her son and daughter-in-law and new baby on the way. It got my brain gears a turnin' and I wrote this note on FB:

"I am seeing a need and making steps to meet it.

A friend of mine is due to have her second baby at the end of April.
Her husband recently had to move to LA for work and will not be able to fly home for the birth or even soon after.
So I am trying to raise $350 to fly him home about mid-May.

Southwest has tickets for $139 each way.

If you can donate even $1 it will help. Please let me know, this young family has been a blessing in our lives and I would love to help them as they make this distance sacrifice.

Message me here and I can share more of their beautiful story.

mail any donations to:

(I listed my address on FB, you can e-mail me to get my address vintagesheet(at)yahoo(dot)com

and you'll just have to trust me with the money- any overage will be given to them for food or baby items.

Love you all- let's be the church."

So I've started this Fly Greg Home initiative
hope you will pray and then perhaps give.

Ruth

2011-03-15T06:59:00.000-04:00

Every Tuesday morning I gather with 6 other women and we study God's Word together. This particular group started meeting this last Fall when we met at my house to study the book of Esther. Earlier this year we dug into the story of another amazing women of Bible: Ruth. (link to the study we did)

With our last week of study behind us I thought I'd share a thing or two I've learned along the way.

I learned that Ruth was an amazing women.

Widowed and childless she opted to travel with her mother-in-law back to her husband's homeland, a place she was an outsider, a foreigner.

She worked hard in the fields to provide for her mother-in-law and didn't complain and although her people were enemies of the Israelites she was known as a "women of noble character." In the Hebrew Bible to book of Ruth follows directly after the book of Proverbs, more precisely following up the description of a "virtuous women". See Proverbs 31:10-31

I also learned that cooking with a group of women is worth far more than rubies or coral.

Each week during this study we cooked together and ate together. The study itself had recipes and so each week we each volunteered to bring a different item and then when we met the magic came alive!

Of course we have our babies with us.

And some of us tend to gravitate more toward the stove, while others the coffee pot!

After our hardwork and kitchen fellowship we sat down to discuss our weeks study while the meal baked and then we dug in!

Speaking of digging in I had no idea the treasures I'd find in the the book of Ruth.

I had a great Aunt Ruth. She died recently but she was an amazing women. When my father was growing up she helped my grandmother raise her brood of 5. I never saw my Aunt Ruth beyond sitting in her chair, afghan on her lap and a quilt square in her hand; but I heard about her. My dad shares stories of her cooking and cleaning, doing laundry and wiping dirty faces. She was a hard worker and a worker for someone elses benefit, someone elses legacy; yet somehw she was remembered, she did in deed leave a legacy to be remembered.

See the Ruth in the Bible worked hard, got married and had a son; but not a son to carry on her new husbands name but a son to carry on the name and legacy of her dead husband of her mother-in-law. A son who would be the great-grandfather of King David and a son from who's legacy came Jesus the Christ.

It really made me think about why I do what I do?

Is it for my glory?

For my legacy?

Sure I want it all to be for the glory of God, but I'm a fairly self-centered person and often have my own interests in mind.

So after studying this book of Ruth I have a new found desire to not only work hard but also to find joy in working for the betterment, for lack of a better term, of another's legacy.

Whether it be the legacy of our youth group,

my friend,

my neighbor

or my children's children.

Lord may I work with all my might as if working for you.

2011-03-14T16:23:00.000-04:00

Back posting in the garden.

2011-03-11T08:31:00.000-05:00

I've posted a recent sewing project, check out my sewing journey Thus Far.

2011-03-09T08:15:00.001-05:00

I've gone back to posting on my seperate blogs. Something in my brain likes it that way. So check out my latest post on my garden. Tis the season for all this dirt in Florida!

Parenting Teens

2011-03-08T07:11:00.004-05:00

Part of my job ends up being advice giving, and advice beyond what color bridesmaids dresses to wear or what veil to pair with the dress.
Especially when blended families come in and middle to high school age girls are required to wear a dress for a wedding.

While wearing a dress to some girls seems like a dream come true, to others it is a nightmare.

That is where I find advice giving and be at it's highest.

So based on an experience last night I've compiled a few tips I have on raising teenagers, and please by no means do I claim to "get" this whole parenting thing.

- let them vent, and by let I mean keep your mouth shut and don't argue back and by vent I mean say things that are completely crazy, make no sense and can be mean - teenagers are not in their right mind at times and I've learned if I've done a somewhat decent job at apologizing and taking responsibility for my own actions they will eventually come around and do the same, eventually

- take responsibility for your own actions, as a parent if I curse- catch my behavior, apologize, express the challenge of making good choices and move on. If we yell or gossip, lie or say something not nice- same thing: take responsibility for our own actions as parents. Perfect people, no- and our kids know that above anyone else what we struggle with, well that is if we live real and authentic in front of them.

- love them. It's sometimes the hardest thing to do but when they pull an attitude, say mean things about others, themselves, their situation or us: just love them, trust me loving and patience with them will pay off because as soon as their hormones get back into some sort of balance you'll recognize the child you once knew.

-Be there #1 fan, be on their team.

-Pick your battles. Is it worth a huge family argument to have a certain haircut? or wear a certain style of clothing? or a question I ask brides at work: "You have to decide if it's worth it to argue over what dress they wear. In 20 years will it even matter?""

-Love them how they are. For who they are. It may be different than you but it's them and embrace that, learn from that and above all enjoy that! We all are unique and learning to love and enjoy that uniqueness is part of life with others and life with the ones we call our children, even if they are hormonal teenagers who know everything, know you know nothing and all the while eat your food, use your gas and trample dirt all over your floors.

So there it is a few tips I have on parenting these people we call teens.I am by no means a parenting expert nor does my name sit on a top 10 parent list.
But I love my kids. Tons.
I have a 17 year old who I think enjoys my company and a 15 year old who recently named his father and I as the two people he loves and trusts the most in this world (parents of elementary kids may not get this but as a parent of a teen it speaks massive volumes to my heart)

So enjoy your teen, one day they'll be gone and you'll miss them.
I promise.

Letting Go

2011-03-02T07:14:00.005-05:00

"I'm letting go of the life I've planned for me (and my kids).
I'm loosing control of my destiny"

Those are the words to a song I've heard played on the local Christian radio station.
I like the song, it's message is good and I sing the words like I mean them and believe them, BUT, yes there is always a big but in there, and no we're not talking about the big butts that come from eating too many Magic Cookie Bars; no the but I am referring to is the thought of do I really believe those lyrics.
Do I live my days like one who is not in control of her destiny, or that of her children?

Having teenagers is like no other experience in the parenting journey, then again what part of parenting is NOT fresh, new and full of challenges? I have the privilege of having a newborn in the house reminding me of those challenges.
Anyway... back to my teenagers and the reason for this post.

My boys are different, cut from the same cloth but somehow very different.
Very.
Yet somehow in my head I have/had a similar plan for their lives.
A plan I think we all have for our children, a plan perhaps we've been brainwashed into thinking is the way to go.

I have always planned and imagined my boys leaving home, moving into a dorm room and completing 4 years of college at a university in New England; OK so I learned to waiver on the New England part, but the rest, well it's just what I thought was the right thing to do, the best thing.

As Vaughan's senior year approaches and as the days tick by reminding me he will soon be the father of a 4, then 5 then 6 month old I am reminded that his dorms days are no more; as if they actually were in existence- oh to be in my head; and that a 4 year university in New England or anywhere else may not be the best choice for him.
Perhaps not the best plan.

I've come up with an alternate plan in my head but I dare not even type it, because, well quite frankly I am holding it with an open hand for "I know, O Lord, that a man's life is not his own [nor that of his mother']; it is not for man [or his mom] to direct his steps." Jeremiah 10:23 parenthesis mine.

So today I am lying on the threshing floor at the feet of my Redeemer trusting He knows best, I am letting go.

Oh but I have 2 children.
Justin is my free spirit, my musician, my march to a different beat kind of kid.

School to him gets in the way of writing and playing music.
If I do not stay on top of him every week in his schoolwork something happens; I'm not sure exactly what, because it varies week to week, but somehow, someway he forgets or misses some bit of very important news.

So recently when I mentioned to Steve that it will take a lot of work keeping Justin's GPA high enough for the FL Bright Future Scholarship, he replied with a "I'm not sure if Justin really intends on going to college".
OK- stop right there.
I know this fact but it hit me- he's right. What am I fussing about?
Sure I'd like to see a music degree for Justin- but after high school he'll be free to do what he wants, and if college is not what he wants, why make him go. Why rag on him about going? It's as if somewhere in my being I just think he has to go to college.
I guess I have fallen prey to what the world says.

For Justin I find myself again lying on the threshing room floor trusting that "A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How can anyone understand his own way." Proverbs 20:24
For Justin, I will still help him succeed in high school but the rest of it-- I'm letting go.

So perhaps you needed a reminder to let things go from the hand and minds of your human agenda into the plan of an Almighty God.

"The Lord works out everything for his own ends." Proverbs 16:4a

DATE NIGHT!!!

2011-03-01T10:04:00.002-05:00

Date night this last week consisted of going to a local fair in the empty lots near where I work.
We spent and hour there and rode 2 rides.
Hear me again 2 rides!
We bought tickets to ride 3 rides but I could only handle two.
First was the ferris wheel and second was some ride we laid on our stomachs like we were flying birds.
While they were both fun the ferris wheel was more of an adrenaline rush than I ever remember and the second ride- well as cool as it was- it just did me in with the repetitive around and around and around....

After our hour we didn't know what to do so we shopped around for another hour then realizing it was 8:38pm and getting late- lol, we headed home to be with our kids :)

So what was your last date night like?

Needles and Floss

2011-02-22T16:06:00.005-05:00

This is what I have for a pile on my dining table right now.

- fabric for napkins and table runner

- the start of my "welcome frame" for the month of March

- my latest craft to sell, and maybe start my own etsy store, napkins; a set of 6 I am calling "sweet tooth"

Hand stitching, that's my craftiness of choice.

If you could have any one thing hand-stitched by me, what would it be?

Love is...

2011-02-19T08:17:00.003-05:00

Love is...
5 generations of women with hearts for God.
My grandmother, mother, daughter and grand-daughter. We've seen a lot the 5 of us, individually and collectively. We've cried, prayed, laughed, forgave. I can't think of a more wonderful group of women to do life with, to learn from and to love.
Love is...
a best friend for the last 7 years who knows what to say, when to call and when to be silent. We have done the better part of raising 5 teenage boys together, we've prayed through 3 new driver's, high school decisions, girlfriends, a marriage and a birth. We've travelled on home school field trips, sat through many a home school park day and have sipped more coffee together than I dare think of. She is Jesus in flesh even though she keeps telling me the brownies and ice cream won't add a single pound.

Love is...

23 years of friendship, 18 years as a couple and 17 years of marriage. A man who is more amazing than I can type about and my soul mate. I have had such a privilege of being married to my closest friend~ really, our only marriage book has been the Bible and our main rule not to go to bed angry or upset and out motto: "We don't hug enough". We've missed many a night of sleep, we've laughed, cried, prayed, loved and fought with all the passion in the world. We still got it goin' on and I thank our Lord and Savior sooo much for that!

I have a few other to share but you'll have to wait....

The Fun Happens After 9pm

2011-02-18T08:33:00.003-05:00

Feeding kids.
It seems to be what I do.
I can't help it, most of the time when they show up I just can't help heading to the kitchen and start pulling things out.
One of the biggest complaints of my family however, is the food I make for my Wednesday night girls.
They don't mind the leftovers from dinner that night that I take,
no they prefer to not eat leftovers anyway.
What they don't like is the hidden stash of sweets and treats in my bedroom or wore yet the baked goodness I often make. Yes my family really dislikes those nights because they get to smell the yummy goodness and then just hope some leftovers make it home for them.

This last week was one of those weeks. I had fun baking a heart shaped cake filled with strawberries and blueberries.
My layer of fruits wasn't nearly plentiful enough.

But it sure was tasty.

Not sure why these pics are sideways but I have got to get ready for work so time is valuable right now so I will leave it as it is, just turn your head please.

On Wednesday the girls enjoyed the taco bake for dinner and then the cake to satisfy their sweet tooths.

Our small group time is not nearly long enough, 30 minutes is all we get this year and by the time we get going into a conversation it's time for them to go; except most nights a few girls stay behind and secretly I like that time the best. I find there's more honesty, more conversation and more fun!

Now I am off to get ready for work and my brain is turning about what snack to bake this week.

Cupcakes?

Magic cookie bars?

Homemade chocolate?

or something new?

OK now I'm hungry, do you have any homemade snack ideas for me?

Summer 2011 To Do

2011-02-16T08:10:00.002-05:00

Here's the start of my summer 2011 to do list...
1. Lighthouse

2. Busch Gardens - family vacation, first one in 5 years

3. Beach

4. visit Alaska

5. Beach

6. Pool

7. Detroit Mission Trip

8. Lots of Jeep rides with my Hottie

Jumbalaya

2011-02-15T18:46:00.003-05:00

There are not too many meals that everyone likes. My boys have grown to be be kind of picky but each in their own unique way- this meal however, is a hit for both of them as well as the rest of the family.
Not fancy,
not real super healthy,
but yummy and good!
I learned how to make it while in New Orleans on a mission trip back in 2007. We stayed in the Holly Grove section of town and the native New Orleans cook, Miss Rose taught me how to cook this quick, thrifty, easy meal; especially for a large group of people.

1 box Zatarain's Jambalaya Mix
4 frozen chicken patties
1- 14 oz. package of beef sausage
cooked shrimp (optional)
Place chicken patties in the microwave for about 1 minute.
Slice them into thin slices, set aside.

Cut sausage into bite size pieces, set aside.
Boil water as directed on package, add meats and Jambalaya package.
Reduce heat and simmer.
Set timer for 25 minutes.
Get yourself a cute little helper to help pass the cook time.
Enjoy!

Yummy.

Easy and usually no leftovers :)